Things That Reek of What The Fuckery #4

Alright, so this is mostly for the muso— which I am told is the proper term for a music-o-phile— in me. I generally succeed at my attempts to be an open-minded, all-types-welcoming person, and I admit sometimes I fall several football fields short of that goal when it comes to music, but Jesus tap dancing Christ! If you can get through that whole video, either your ears, eyes, and brain all have hemorrhaged or you have no common sense and taste in sounds.

Because in actuality, that scarcely qualifies as music. There is a reason gangsta rappers and hardcore bands stay very far away from each other. When the first thing heard on your song is a synth playing a strangely Indian-inspired riff, the second thing should NOT under any circumstances be a screamer/growler/whatever the fuck noise you're ripping your vocal cords apart to make, and it should go without saying the third thing should not be a white boy rapping about being an a club "looking at a sexy now."

What the fuck does that even mean, you whiny twerps? Who are all those women, your ex-girlfriends who realised that you're borderline mentally retarded and dumped your genre-confused asses? The only thing that made sense about this video was the guy in the pig suit, and that says something.

All that's a lot of me being offensively-defensive of two things I love: music and intelligence. It can easily be summed up in seven words:

PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF FUCK, STOP.

A Big Batch of Duh

From "Why They're Hot". Yes, it's exactly what it sounds like.

Thank you, Google.

Makes me wonder a little bit where our priorities lie on the internet.

All Things... Depressing, actually

Elitism and the new Cobra

I am currently listening to the new Cobra Starship record "Hot Mess" and on the eighth track, I have yet to be impressed. I wasn't crazy about the album art when Gabe and Ryland and Alex and Victoria all showed it to their twitzombies. To be honest I think it's ugly as fuck and that woman is going to regret that tattoo for the rest of forever (though depending on how much of that picture was her and not being costumed up, maybe she won't.)

Don't get me wrong. I love Cobra Starship. I think Gabe Saporta is incredibly clever in his own very strange mixed-up way. You could conceivably even call me a fan and I wouldn't argue too much. But this summer has been one of phenomenal releases and musical ventures. I went to Bamboozle. Blink 182 got back together. Third Eye Blind, All Time Low, and Green Day put out new music.

So after all of that and more, this pales greatly in comparison. It seems... mediocre or less. Not to mention Saporta is playing up the asshole-rockstar-getting-laid-so-much-I-have-to-rap-about-it persona. I don't like that Gabe. I like the funny, sweet, nearly-gentlemanly Gabe I met outside the Fillmore.

I'm on a song called "Move Like You Gonna Die" and the chorus of girls calling out numbers is kind of annoying me. It's sad, but I can't wait for this song to be over. I don't quite feel that way about the album as a whole, but it's easily ignorable, like something you could put on at a party and everyone would talk over it.

In terms of the first half title, I don't want anything I enjoy to fall short. I want to be impressed. I generally keep low expectations so I'm never disappointed, but here I stand, feeling just a bit salty about this space of time.

I'll have to go back and listen again. Maybe find something I can love about this album.

~

Instead of moping about how disappointed I am, I am going to be happy. Why? you ask. Because Modest Mouse never fails me, and their new video was directed by Heath Ledger. And it's clever.

King Rat