I woke up with the power out

Storm season. Lucky I don't live in Ventura, for several reasons. The latest is tornadoes.


"We should get the mob to back our comic!"

[sigh] "Musicians love my hair."
"Why is that a bad thing?"
"Because they're all over 21!"
"So?"
"I'm underage. Underage + overage = no."
"...You're weird."
"What? How is that weird? I'm trying to be moral!"
"Exactly. Weird."

"Muwahaha, my brothers are working out in the cold whilst I am in here warm... mostly. My feet are cold."
"What are they working on?"
"The fence that got knocked over."
"I was more imagining mouth-to-mouth resuscitation on Poseidon."
"Dude the back of his head is caved in. And, oh yeah, he's a statue."
"Yeah, but you're weird enough to attempt it so why wouldn't the rest of your family?"
"...Touche."

"Immaturity makes the world go 'round. That and broken condoms."

"It has that "we're going to get married and make babies" ring to it."

"Moofins, not milkshakes, bring all the boys to the yard."

"Wow. So obviously I have other things on my mind. I wrote a note on my hand, but instead of "TIE" I wrote "TAI", and I'm trying to type "beginning", but instead I keep writing "begging."
[chokes] "Beg, tie, TAI..."
"Totally unrelated." [shifty eyes]

"I'm not ready to throw myself headfirst at that sidewalk again yet."

"I'm going to chain you to the computer."
No technobondage." [pause] "That sounds... painful. And... staticky."

"Refresh my memory: Did the three bears eat Goldilocks or am I just sick in hoping?"

Kids Say the Most Bizarre Shit

"What? Water-snake? Overpowered."

"Turtles incest does not results in two-headed turtles."

"You know that saying 'Man cannot live on bread alone'? Well, if that bread is pizza crust, he sure as hell can!"

"Iz in ur riverz, eatin' ur fish!"

"The king penguins are on the beach fishing, but they're walking right into an ambush."
"Oh noz!"

"What the fuck? Is that penguin fighting a seal? What, is it gonna win?"
"They do have razor sharp fins, apparently."
Voice-over: "Safe."
"What? Safe? What the hell?"

"No! I'm hungry! Tell them, "Bitches, I'm hungry!" and sign off!"

"I'm bleeding with excitement. My blood turns into liquid excitement."
"From your heart? Your eyes? Either way it's kind of emo."
"From my wrists."
"Even worse. Now I'll have to assassinate you."
"I welcome that day with open, bleeding arms."
"...Man, now I really have to kill you."

You know? You know.

"Yeah, I have enough self-esteem issues. Carrots aside."

"Douglas, answer me this: does or does not the booty go smack?"


And for the more artistically inclined, some shitty poetry:

If you compiled every word you've ever said,
you wouldn't have enough to make a paragraph.
All your attention-seeking self-pity
Isn't even enough to make me laugh.
I can't turn the noise up loud enough to drown you out
Your presence makes me want to tear my hair out.
There aren't enough words in the language
to describe my disgust for you.
So I won't say a word.
On my tongue I'll chew.


Third time's the charm
Third time, raise the alarm.
Darling, I bet you're hard to get over.
I might be a long shot,
But, baby, you're a bet I'm willing to make.
No matter how many clichés I use
There won't be descriptions for you.

You ever have one of those days where you're listening to your favourite song and you realise the words don't make any sense at all? I've been having one of those weeks. You ever have one of those days it seems like something is trying to tell you someone? I've been having one of those lives.

Minor Advisory: Adult Content

Two quotes today from my English teacher and my mother, respectively.

"The three C's of succeeding in college. Class: go to it. You'll have enough time to do whatever without skipping. Cocaine: don't do it. You may think you're stronger, but you won't ever win. Ever. And third, Condoms: use them all the time. Even if you're, like, sitting on the couch in your dorm and look over and , oh!, there's a penis! Use a condom."

"I knew teachers and students who did cocaine in college, and I don't know why. If you're going to do drugs, do a good one. If you're not going to have a mind-altering experience, what's the point?"

No news is good news. It's all ever bad.

"Score? I found some but I think it's crappy stuff. My good stuff's downstairs somewhere. Hah! that sounds like I'm talking about drugs."
"Lip shizzle is the new smack."

"iPod no boom-boom! Me Tarzan! You... Apple genius!"

"Dude, I'm the Guy Ripley of subject changes."

"Psh, whatever, man. Perfectionists make better lovers. Like bassists."

~

How convenient that nobody reads this anyway. I can spill secrets the likes of which no one has ever heard! Or not. But I do have something, for once.

I went to the doctor last week, skipping out on leading freshmen on a lame day of stuff that they won't remember anyway, to ask the nice lady about these dizzy spells and other annoying symptoms I've been getting. So she takes my blood pressure and says, "Wow. You definitely have low blood pressure." Reassuring.

Besides the possibility of anemia (which is likely), she mentioned the words "polycystic ovary disease". What the hell is that, I wondered. Apparently polycystic ovary disease is a genetic disorder that affects a woman's hormones, heart, blood vessels, ability to have children, and insulin levels.

As the doc's listing off symptoms, I'm sitting on the patient's bench, trying to remember my family history. Heart problems: check. High cholesterol: check. Diabetes: check. Tendency to be overweight: check. Difficulty getting pregnant: check, though I'm not exactly worried about that right now.

Diagnosis: Oh shit, I'm fucked.

So I went into the lab (twice, stupid unaccompanied minors policy) and got blood drawn for tests. I hate needles. Bleeding, I can deal with. Just not when it's going into a plastic bag or test tube. I fucking hate needles. Despite my paranoia and hypochondria, I don't think I can handle having to tell people I have an incurable disease that's more prevalent than breast cancer. I still haven't the results yet, so I'm nervous as hell.

And life was going so nicely too.