Get busy living or get busy dying.

Woah. Updated system for blogger. I'm sure most of you have already seen, but it's pretty cool. I was going to complain about my being sick, but that's not interesting. And neither is me talking about the play. So on to the funness.

Title Source: "The Shawshank Redemption". I get the feeling Fall Out Boy used this in a song. If so, my apologies.


“The only way to tell the difference between the staff and the patients in that place was that the staff had the keys.”

“My mother is in the living room telling her friend about her mushroom experiences.”

“Wait. Are you asking me to get high with you?”

“Ceri, you can drink, right? You’re old enough.”

“When Brother called Mrs. Coda in about Will and Dionne, he gave her the list of people on retreat and said, ‘Find these two kids.’ and apparently she took one look at it and said, ‘Well obviously it's Ceri Quattrin and Andrew McCarty. but they're faculty kids so can we just brush this under the rug?’ You know, just to mess with him. My dad told me that and I screamed, 'WHAT?!’”

“In the Haight yesterday I saw a guy who was Chuck if he turned into an indie kid.”

“Remember Sturgeon’s Law: 90% of everything is crap.”

“Why is my computer so slow?”
“Because it’s using inhalants.”

“I think flirting is a science.”
“Why’s that?”
“I don’t get it.”

“Yeah, and I’m sure you think spewing out confetti is a lot of fun.”
“It is. Duh.”

“My lemming isn’t dead!”
“It committed suicide because it saw your face.”
“Nice one. I like her.”

“Friends are loyal. Like dogs. Only you don’t feed them treats, you give them cash.”

“It was a question. It was an invisible question.”

“Yes, we're going to have Dougie as your background. Just tack pictures on Doug.”

“You are many whores, Adam darling.”

“At least I’d look really chill in comparison.”
“A paranoid skitzophrenic would look chill in comparison.”
“I would look comatose then.”

“How are you feeling?”
“I sound like a chain smoker.”

“No. That is the store of lost souls. Not lost crack addicts.”

“That’s like sticking a flamingo on roller skates: it’s just awkward and pathetic to watch.”

“Yum, implied jugulars.”

“I’m being an integer!”

“Oh captain, my captain, this moment, very moment.”

“I’m not a bad guy. I could rape people.”

“Every romantic comedy needs zombies.”

“They’re hidden behind a veil of secrecy… and chocolate.”

“What kind of sex have you been having? Carbonated sex?”

“Every time you hear a bell, a fetus gets its wings.”

“Your butt is in my seat.”
“And not just my butt. All of me!”

“There are five of them. That equals five.”

“It’s a sweat collector. Not a hair protector.”

“Hell to the no am I doing lights with her.”