Benadryl-Induced Blaghing

"Be a kitten, Nell."
"Dude, that's my dream."

"It's all about the elephants, Mr. Zatkin."


I've observed something recently. It seems ludicrous the number of young people-- usually under 15-- who consider themselves "hardcore", or in any way badass. For instance, as I was surfing the internet while I was home sick, I came across this little ditty of a self-description: "You fuck with me I'll kick your ass in so many you won't know what hit you".

Now besides being completely devoid of any punctuation or any semblance of correct grammar, this sentence (if you can call it that) made my stomach turn-- and it wasn't due to my illness. This poor delusional child-- whose name is Tiffany (gag) and calls herself Tiffy (vomit up my spleen)-- is fourteen and thinks that she is in any way capable of performing more than mild acts of violence. While this is entirely possible, my doubt grows with every second that I think: she's a girl, she's fourteen, she's probably a scenester, and she's probably a skinny, spoilt brat who would happily blow a musician to brag to her friends that they're boyfriend and girlfriend.

This makes me wonder, besides how much this thought process is influenced by medication, if I was like that at fourteen. Or probably younger, considering most people think I'm much older than I am. Is everyone so self-absorbed at fourteen as to think their invincible and can make non-empty threats of ass-kicking? If you took the average fourteen year old and they spouted off some nonsense like that, I'd probably fall over laughing.

Then again, what difference does three years make? Sure, it makes a big difference when you're young-- twelve is practically God when you're nine-- but how far apart are two people, fourteen and seventeen years old? Or seventeen and twenty? Twenty-three and twenty-six?

And I haven't even touched on the fact that it's the fourteenth of February. To tell the truth, I don't usually know or care what day it is anyway, and this day is no less important. In addition, I spent the day inside my house playing bass and video games, so I guess it doesn't really make a difference.

All of this might matter when I kick up a band, but I doubt it.