Well how about I jusht kill myshelf? Ish that metal enough for you?

I could go on a tirade, but for the sake of your short attention span, I'll condense it to one sentence: My internets is dildos. So apparently most of these quotes aren't funny. Should I update less then?

Title Source: William Murderface Murderface Murderface (Metalacolypse). I heard Dethklok's putting out an album. I'd buy it. But that's pretty much how I feel right now, and if you even so much as think the word emo, I swear to you that I will find you and punch you in the damn face.


“Okay then, life is fucking bowl of mangoes.”

“But I’m psychotic-hyper, so everything is funny.”

“So, um, awkward question?”
“Yes. I know we all love those.”

“Well, I have ‘Antarctica’ on. That’s almost a lullaby.”

“There are kids dying in Africa. Why should I mope around, all self-centred?”

“Okay let’s make a plan. Step one: finish this sandwich.”

“Smileys cannot express my expressions.”

“I tried doing that once, but it looked like my smiley was sucking on another smiley’s balls. Not exactly what I was going for.”

“Because you need three points to support a plane. Or… cat.”

“What? Why are we fucking eggs?”

“She just encouraged my sister to look like something you order.”

“The raspberries! Oh god! Oh god noooooooo!”

“Oh, the people we hit on when we’re bored.”

“Slow and sucky most definitely did not win the race.”

“That’s how I like my enemies. With asthma.”

“You want this? It’s a T for Emily!”

“The Adventures Of Huck Finn is like How the Grinch Stole Christmas. In How the Grinch Stole Christmas, the Grinch goes on this big moral journey and learns the true meaning of Christmas. In The Adventures Of Huck Finn, Huck goes on a big moral journey and learns the true meaning of slavery!”

“No, terrible only pertains to shoes.”

“If my egg doesn’t break, I will break in God.”

“We are God’s Playstation.”

“Boobs! Buy a watch!”

“Run-on sentences can fuck themselves. You know they do.”

“Hyphy Juice!”
“Scott in a can?”

“Apparently we’re beating Wisconsin in cheese production.”
“Ha! Take that, you racist bitches!”

“What are we fucking about?”

"'How To Get Dressed.' You know, I think someone should write a book called 'How To Stay Dressed'."
"It'd be a best-seller for SI students."

"I swear to God, I'm going to kill the internet!"
"Why?"
"Because my connection keeps going out and my phone is all fucked up. And no one was home to pick me up from school." *phone rings* "And if that fucking phone rings again, I'm going to take a hacksaw to it!"