You lot are very lucky. I was considering not posting this evening because I left everything on the desktop at my father's house. However, because I love you more than, well, say, Dead Poetic (my latest new band love) I rang dad up and got him to send me the quotes. You lucky bastards you. Anyway, I apologise if there are fewer than the last couple posts; I need to bring pens around with me, you see. But I swear to you on my honour as a pirate that I will try harder to amuse you. And no, this oath is NOT because I saw the new Pirates movie today. I have been a pirate since I was small. Ask my mum; she'll tell you. Anywho, I'm ramble, so on with it already.
"Potatoes don't explode. That's eggs."
"Yes they— wait. Eggs explode in the microwave?"
"I liked the Jamaican voodoo witch. She sounded like Miss Cleo.'Call me now for ya' free reedin!'"
“How would you know?”
“Because I had sex with your mother.”
“…Well then!”
“I want something yumful.”
“Like pie?”
“Like pie. Or not-tasting-like-eggs cake.”
“I’m Asian, what can I do?”
“Don’t blame your nationality.”
“Dude, like, every single person taking this class is Asian. So yes I do blame my nationality. Apparently our parents want to conquer this nation too.”
“Hey Bev.”
“Yes'm?”
“Brendon Urie covered in maple syrup”
“Must resist temptation to molest”
[pushes closer]
“Animalistic urges...too strong! Curses!”
[pours syrup on his lips] “You know you wanna”
“Ugh!” *attacks brendon urie*
[laughs evilly as i shut the door] “Have fun kids”
“Curse you Ceri and your devilish ways”
[smirk] “You know you love it.”
“I’m already singing Panic! continuously. And HIM. Fake roses and eyeliner pencils are flying everywhere.”
“HIM would totally win. Finnish sex gods versus Vegas teens. Reeeeeeeeeally tough battle.”
“What can I say?”
“Nothing.”
“And so I speak little.”
“Just the way it should be. Thoughtful, wise, and mute.”
“Nope, I hear nothing.”
“Are you fucking me?”
“God, I hope not.”
“It’s not my fault my subconscious keeps a box of pure sex.”
“No, really, I’m not kidding. Everybody loves Ceri.”
“Like Everybody Loves Raymond, only way better.”
“Emo!” [pulls out stake] “Must slay emos!”
“Fact: I stand out a full half-mile away. Literally.”
“Hey, are you dead? I really hope so.”
“Hey, I’m holding up a finger. Guess which one.”
“It’s like waking up with a dead tomato in your bed. It’s a bad sign.”
“Eew! I have Iangross all over me!”
“You sure you want the burst of testosterone?”
“I do. I can’t stand all chicks all the time.”
“The estrogen is suffocating?”
“You are a dude.”
“Psh, yeah I am. Explains why I’m single.”
“Then you are a gay dude, because you want to bang Brendon Urie… and Ryan Ross.”
“Hell yes I do.”
[whacks you over the head with a penguin] “Better?”
“Thanks, I needed that.”
“Any time.”
“So, does insomnia work like narcolepsy? You just kind of conk out randomly?”
“But potatoes are what we eat!”
“I meant a potato rabbit!”
“If you feed a cow only cherries its whole life, it’s not going to taste like slurpee.”
“Hmm. This apple pie tastes like mesquite.”
“Me likes big bowls.”
“He’s a couch linguini!”
~And really bad eggs... drink up me hearties yo ho! Yo Ho! Yo Ho! A pirate's life for me!~
Ahem. Sorry. Jack Sparrow's a flipping saav, and that is all I have to say about that.
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