"I think that God in creating Man somewhat overestimated his ability." Oscar Wilde

Here are the quotes of the week. There were a few good ones today, but no one had a pen at the pizza place and I couldn't remember them when I got home. During the summer, I might skip weeks due to lack of input. However, fear not, beloved readers! Amusement will come some way or another.

"I really want to call the pornography help line."
"There's a pornography help line? What exactly is its purpose?"
"To de-pornify you with the power of Jesus."

"Geology is like the physical evolution of earth. Don't question the placement of rocks."

"It'll be disclaimered: 'read it and like it or you'll have to answer to me bitches' with a picture of me holding up my fist."

"You're like a goldfish with the memory capacity of a human amongst other goldfish with a 3 second memory."

"The telemarketers come for my brother... Love, get me the shotgun."

"Pretty and stabbity hackity. Sounds good to me."

[About Lady in the Water]"Yeah, the demons. Mutant hedgehogs. That's all you got."

"TOOOO MUUUCHHHH FUCKING ENERGYYYY! NOTHING TO DOOOOO! I AM SO BORED! AND IN A FRENZY! GAH! GAH! GAH! I'M NOT ON CRACK!"

"Awesome! I named your future guitar! Go me!" [does the guitar naming dance]"You know it's only the best dance ever!"

"Why is it that when people get all hormoney, they say it feels like butterflies? How the fuck do they know what butterflies in their guts feel like?Did they have to have them surgically removed? Wouldn't it just be easier to shotgun the damn things?"

"Short, sweet, and to the point. Ooooohh, yeah... wait. That doesn't work at all!"

"Content: that's what a cow feels right before it's hammered."

"Naked is the most important part."

"Why would you want to arrest a naked guy?"

"'You! Stop taking that shower!' 'But I'm diiirty!'"

"What does it smell like? Blue!"

"I played poker with a set of tarot cards once. I got a full house and four people died."

"Two is alwasy better than one."
"Unless it's cancer."

"Damn navels! God damn belly buttons! Interfering wiht my life!"

"You hot the way you is!"

"Did you just impregnant Peter's elbow?"

"And then the doves came and carried Darren Criss off out of the skylight. And we were his golden cows whom he never ate."

"You're a slut doll and my sister smells like tacos."

"Sumner, stop jizzing on thte pizza. i don't want extra cheese"
[i only heard second half] "I do!"

"I'm so cool that I wave at freshman."

"That guy was on my hair."

"Sorry if I got your foot salty."

"Annie, make them shut up?"
"Hey, you guys, shut up."
"Come on, don't be sumner's bitch."
"Haha shut up, you."
"Hey annie can you-"
"I'm not your bitch."

And my personal favourite, also omitted prior:
"Because virtual pies just won't do."