Sentence in the one-word answer

Hanging out with friends always makes fun. This time it was of a kid from Ukiah. Oh, sorry, an hour and a half South of Ukiah. I think we rendered him pretty well in sponge. For those confused of you, my life is essentially one inside joke. Rather unfortunate if you think about it. Is anyone doing anything for New Year's? I don't really want to sit at home with my parents this year. Again.

Title Source: "Awkward Duet" by Sons & Daughters. Scottish band. If you're from Minnesota, the song is pronounced 'akwurd'. O dear!


“What is jew? New. What is new?”
“Jesus. Um. Not much.”

“I don’t get it. It’s not that good. In fact it’s horrible.”
“It’s the zombification of America through pop culture, man.”

“Yes well, what can be done about that except bringing about the zombacolypse?”

“I would probably say that, like almost all drummers, Ringo got much less face time with the public because everyone’s always interested in the lead singer or the lyricist or, as it goes, the most charismatic of the group.”
“That’s bull. It was a band.”
“Well yes, but people are stupid.”

“I’m sorry, but Smokey the Bear is not gangsta.”

“Well, I’m going to walk up the hill.”
“Is that a euphemism for slitting wrists?”
“No, that would be falling down the hill, as in from blood loss.”

“Facebook?! No way!”
“I know. I make myself sick.”

“There’s nothing quite like an M80 to kill a nap.”

“You gave me fucking emo, you bastard.”
“What? How? How did I give you emo?”
“Well, when one person stops being emo, it has to go somewhere, hasn’t it?”
“There is no Law of Conservation of Emo.”
“Yes there is!”
“Look it up in your physics book.”
“It makes perfect sense!”
“It does not conform to any mass or energy laws.”
“I know. It conforms to the law of conservation of emo.”
“That's just a subsection of the energy laws.”

“[Rudraigh]’s the Indiana Jones of Covent!” And he is.

“Your definition of cute scares me.”
“I’m sorry.”
“That’s okay.”
“It’s my inner annoying-as-fuck indie kid. It attaches itself to anything male in tight pants.”

“Your multiple personalities gang up on each other.”
“Only the really annoying ones.”

“I find talking about the weird and then the normal has quite the effect on me and others...like...grinding glass into fine powder BEFORE you throw it in someone's eye.”

Shimmy shimmy who gives a damn.

I lied in the last post. Nothing feels like Christmas. I'd write a poem about it, but I don't think I have the energy to rhyme. That last word doesn't even look right.

~I'll have a blue Christmas without you...~ Damn, you know you're feeling festive when the only thing you can think of is Conor Oberst crooning into a microphone.

...I want one.

What would I like to have been? Everything you hate.

Most of you probably expected a Christmas title for this post. Those of you who expect anything of me. At all. But I didn't put one, because I honestly don't adore Christmas songs. Some of them are alright, but having them played constantly everyday since November isn't my cup of tea.

Title Source: "The Union Forever" by The White Stripes. I heard the Raconteurs rocked at Not So Silent Night, but I'm more old-school.


"Screw you."
"Come on, it's Christmas. Be more festive."
"Fine. Scrooge you."

"Mister Evans, do we get extra credit if we write our essay in blood?"

"Rock. Loud. Hard. Why the fuck does it smell like bad toothpaste?"

"Having some trouble with those t's tonight, aren't you?"
"Yeah. I'm not drunk. I swear. But these t's are killers."

"It's Christmas, bitches!"

"Can I help you?"
"Yeah, I'll have a loaf of bread and Pete Wentz."
"Aww... your lunch SUCKS."

"All I want for Christmas is for people to get hurt."

"You're clamping the cell phone into my crotch-ow."

[my phone rings] "Dahling!"
"I really hope these people are on crack."

"Is there anything I can do?"
"Probably not, unless you have a brain scrubber."

"My psychic ability turns the volume down when I feel violated."

Well how about I jusht kill myshelf? Ish that metal enough for you?

I could go on a tirade, but for the sake of your short attention span, I'll condense it to one sentence: My internets is dildos. So apparently most of these quotes aren't funny. Should I update less then?

Title Source: William Murderface Murderface Murderface (Metalacolypse). I heard Dethklok's putting out an album. I'd buy it. But that's pretty much how I feel right now, and if you even so much as think the word emo, I swear to you that I will find you and punch you in the damn face.


“Okay then, life is fucking bowl of mangoes.”

“But I’m psychotic-hyper, so everything is funny.”

“So, um, awkward question?”
“Yes. I know we all love those.”

“Well, I have ‘Antarctica’ on. That’s almost a lullaby.”

“There are kids dying in Africa. Why should I mope around, all self-centred?”

“Okay let’s make a plan. Step one: finish this sandwich.”

“Smileys cannot express my expressions.”

“I tried doing that once, but it looked like my smiley was sucking on another smiley’s balls. Not exactly what I was going for.”

“Because you need three points to support a plane. Or… cat.”

“What? Why are we fucking eggs?”

“She just encouraged my sister to look like something you order.”

“The raspberries! Oh god! Oh god noooooooo!”

“Oh, the people we hit on when we’re bored.”

“Slow and sucky most definitely did not win the race.”

“That’s how I like my enemies. With asthma.”

“You want this? It’s a T for Emily!”

“The Adventures Of Huck Finn is like How the Grinch Stole Christmas. In How the Grinch Stole Christmas, the Grinch goes on this big moral journey and learns the true meaning of Christmas. In The Adventures Of Huck Finn, Huck goes on a big moral journey and learns the true meaning of slavery!”

“No, terrible only pertains to shoes.”

“If my egg doesn’t break, I will break in God.”

“We are God’s Playstation.”

“Boobs! Buy a watch!”

“Run-on sentences can fuck themselves. You know they do.”

“Hyphy Juice!”
“Scott in a can?”

“Apparently we’re beating Wisconsin in cheese production.”
“Ha! Take that, you racist bitches!”

“What are we fucking about?”

"'How To Get Dressed.' You know, I think someone should write a book called 'How To Stay Dressed'."
"It'd be a best-seller for SI students."

"I swear to God, I'm going to kill the internet!"
"Why?"
"Because my connection keeps going out and my phone is all fucked up. And no one was home to pick me up from school." *phone rings* "And if that fucking phone rings again, I'm going to take a hacksaw to it!"

If it looks like I'm laughing, I'm really just asking to leave.

Winter Pops is FINALLY over. Thank God. I probably shouldn't let this into public knowledge, but apparently there's a pirated video of Bev, Siobhan, and I doing Big Spender on YouTube. Damn you, YouTube, and all your easy-access video ways! But anyway, Christmas Dance tonight. Let's hope for a good one, eh? I'm still banking someone cries.

Title Source: "The Sharpest Lives" by My Chemical Romance. If you don't like it, screw you because it's a great album.


“But then again hamburgers to a dragon might just taste better.”
“Maybe, but people wriggle. Hamburgers do not.”
“Well what about a live hamburger?”
“You mean taking a bite out of a cow?”
“I said hamburger, fool.”
“That's mostly what hamburgers are made of. I hope.”
“They are made of beef.”
“Cows are made of cow. They're made of beef. You're made of beef.”
“If I took a piece of beef will it turn into a cow?”
“It's made FROM cow.”
“But it wont become a cow is my point.”
“If you take a cow it won't automatically become beef.”
“Glad that’s cleared up.”

“I got a letter today from the National Guard. No thank you, but I do not wish to fight for the principles of people I don’t agree with.”

“The hypnotic powers of corporate America pizza hogs kind of freak me out.”

“Hey look, that column is straight-edge!”

“Benches are for asses, not for heathens.”

“Unconsentual oral sex still counts as rape, right? Okay, so you can rape someone with your face.”

“He’s playing guitar. He can’t be bothered with whores.”
“Right. Whores come after we play guitar.”

“Becca, are you in dress code?”
“Uuummm.... noo....”

“A mule is the retarded offspring of a horse and a tiger.”

“Kerfwappo!”

“I am jealous to the point of homicide.”

“The sun is all up ons!”

"If I'm cold that's the first thing I check. 'Am I wearing pants?'"

"Strip joints and minigolf... and churches. Fun for everyone."

"Yeah, the KKK have a meeting at the mini golf play every Thursday."

And hold you in her freezing arms until you fall asleep.

Happy December, kids. So Winter Pops is lasting forever, and I'll be shocked if I don't drop dead by next week. Don't be surprised if I sleep through part of the Christmas Dance (but not the part you're playing, guys.) And drama! Crikey, people and their freakin' secrets. This isn't the OC, for Christ's sake.

Title Source: I swear it's from an awesome song, but I don't remember which. Maybe I just wrote it myself. Who knows.


“Bah. Comics are better than life.”

“Yes, thank you. We all know how to NOT DROWN.”

“Mel’s was tense, mine was slightly awkward and kinda weird, and Ian had beef for dinner.”

“Well hey, he got naked, so I’m happy.”

“I think our friends are a case study waiting to happen.”

“We could pop wheelies.”
“True, but we couldn’t dance.”

“My theory is all girls can flirt, sometimes it doesn’t come as easy, but baby when it flows in there's a goddamn flood.”

“Matt, what do I want for Christmas?”
“Porn. Lots of it. And hookers... and illicit substances.”
“And bass lessons.”

“She said she was in an anti-war group, and I looked it up. It advocated violent revolution in favour of socialism. Which is a bullshit cause, unless you’re a true transcendentalist, in which case you wouldn’t advocate violence. However, if you’re an anti-transcendentalist, you wouldn’t support socialism.”
“So she’s a contradiction?”
“Yep. Slap to the face.”

“Shy + guys x issues = single.”

“We obviously haven’t met. I’m Ceri, the Relationship Retard.”

“Someone was obviously on acid when they wrote this movie.”
“Oh, the part where Dumbo gets drunk?”
“Yeah, and the… you know… FLYING ELEPHANT PART.”

“Just because you want to beat the living fuck out of someone doesn’t mean you hate them.”

“No, I’m just definitely a guy trapped in a girl’s body. A secretly gay guy.”

“Nor is yous a duck but you don't see me saying it.”

“Well, it’s kind of a long story, but I almost got mugged and ended up throwing someone through a window.” Translation: Charlie Johnson is a badass.

“That’s Sophie’s knight in shining armour.”
“You mean knight in shining necktie.”

“Teens are like Africa.”
“They have AIDS?”

“Sprite understands me.”

“Sprite has become an icon in hip hop culture.”

“I’m offended by these people’s idiocy.”

“Your subtlety lack subtlety.”

“I bet Gerard Way tastes like Cherry Coke.”
[laughs hysterically]
“You took that completely the wrong way, didn’t you?”

My Dad: “Happy whoring tonight.”

“Okay. Well, I’m going to go now. Long live Incubus.”