Results for Once

Apparently being angry, hungry, headachy, and sleep-deprived creates results. Those results happen to involved shower rooms, slutfuck bitches, and Josh Randall, but hey, it's some result.

...My mind is a very strange place. I know. You don't have to tell me.

God damn it.

I am hungry and angry and my head hurts like a motherfucker.

But none of that matters, because I'm just going to go to bed now and try not to wake up in the morning.

Q&A

Q: Don't you ever dream of some place better where the lights shine brighter?
A: Quite often, and more and more often as the days pass.

Q: Have you ever wanted to disappear?
A: Only every day of my life since I was five.

Q: Don't you ever feel like you've been destined for something bigger than your skin?
A: I have too large of an imagination and dreams that cannot be contained. Don't give me a messiah complex too.

Q: If I put this revolver to my head, will god turn against me instead of taking pity on a broken man?
A: Likely, though it depends on which god we're talking.

Q: Does this deafening silence mean nothing to no one but me?
A: I know how you feel.

Q: There's a sick little suicide in all that we do. Which one's for you?
A: I have pick only one? Multiple causes mean hedging my bets.

Q: Why do you sing to everybody but me?
A: I don't sing for anyone, love.

Q: Why do I let it go on?
A: Lack of alternatives.

Q: Are we the waiting unknown?
A: If you have to ask, you'll never know.

Q: Where is your boy tonight?
A: I don't know where or who, but I hope he is a gentleman.

Q: Where were you when I needed you most? Why did you leave me alone?
A: I was right here. You just weren't looking properly. And I never left. You did.

Q: Have you heard of my religion? It's called the Church of Hot Addiction.
A: Preaching to the choir, baby.

Q: Can you keep a secret?
A: Too, too many.

Q: Why do I wear sunglasses in the home when the sun went down about an hour ago?
A: One word: migraines.

Q: You've got standards, girl. What the hell are you doing with me?
A: I like you. You can stay.

Day #6908

Today I have been alive for 6908 days, and it is the first day, I believe, that I have been officially alone. My parents and half-sister, along with her grandmother, have gone off to the Grand Canyon until Friday. I was left fifty dollars to buy food and told "Try not to spend it all." For the record, we have no bread, no milk, no cheese, no tortillas, no vegetables, no meat, nothing I would want to put in my mouth in the freezer...

Yeah, I'm going to be dead in two days.

Speaking of which! I also have to take care of my stepmother's cats, which admittedly isn't too bad-- just set out food for the vagabonds, make sure there's water-- but I have the sinking feeling that the old one is going to die before people get back. I mean, she's nearly 18 years old. That is a plenty long life for a cat. Problem is, if she does kick, I'm going to be blamed for it. Not to mention that I have no idea what to do with a dead cat. All terrible jokes aside.

So... we'll see what happens. I'm not having a great string of... weeks anyway. This might be the cherry that drives me into the loonybin.

Ignorance Is the Leading Cause of Death

...Not officially, but it's probably up there, at least for things that lead to situations like this:

April 9, 2009 - An 11-year-old Massachusetts boy, Carl Joseph Walker-Hoover, hung himself Monday after enduring bullying at school, including daily taunts of being gay, despite his mother’s weekly pleas to the school to address the problem. This is at least the fourth suicide of a middle-school aged child linked to bullying this year.

Carl, a junior at New Leadership Charter School in Springfield who did not identify as gay, would have turned 12 on April 17, the same day hundreds of thousands of students will participate in the 13th annual National Day of Silence by taking some form of a vow of silence to bring attention to anti-LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender) bullying and harassment at school. The other three known cases of suicide among middle-school students
took place in Chatham, Evanston and Chicago, Ill., in the month of February.

"Our hearts go out to Carl’s mother, Sirdeaner L. Walker, and other members of Carl's family, as well as to the community suffering from this loss," GLSEN Executive Director Eliza Byard said. "As we mourn yet another tragedy involving bullying at school, we must heed Ms. Walker’s urgent call for real, systemic, effective responses to the endemic problem of bullying and harassment. Especially in this time of societal crisis, adults in schools must be alert to the heightened pressure children face, and take action to create safe learning environments for the students in their care. In order to do that effectively, as this case so tragically illustrates, schools must deal head-on with anti-gay language and behavior."

Two of the top three reasons students said their peers were most often bullied at school were actual or perceived sexual orientation and gender expression, according to From Teasing to Torment: School Climate in America, a 2005 report by GLSEN and Harris Interactive. The top reason was physical appearance.

"As was the case with Carl, you do not have to identify as gay to be attacked with anti-LGBT language," Byard said. "From their earliest years on the school playground, students learn to use anti-LGBT language as the ultimate weapon to degrade their peers. In many cases, schools and teachers either ignore the behavior or don’t know how to intervene."

Nearly 9 out of 10 LGBT youth (86.2%) reported being verbally harassed at school in the past year because of their sexual orientation, nearly half (44.1%) reported being physically harassed and about a quarter (22.1%) reported being physically assaulted, according to GLSEN’s 2007 National School Climate Survey of more than 6,000 LGBT students.

In most cases, the harassment is unreported. Nearly two-thirds of LGBT students (60.8%) who experience harassment or assault never reported the incident to the school. The most common reason given was that they didn’t believe anything would be done to address the situation. Of those who did report the incident, nearly a third (31.1%) said the school staff did nothing in response. While LGBT youth face extreme victimization, bullying in general is also a widespread problem. More than a third of middle and high school students (37%) said that bullying, name-calling or harassment is a somewhat or very serious problem at their school, according to From Teasing to Torment. Bullying is even more severe in middle school. Two-thirds of middle school students (65%) reported being assaulted or harassed in the previous year and only 41% said they felt very safe at school.

Carl's suicide comes about a year after eighth-grader Lawrence King was shot and killed by a fellow student in a California classroom, allegedly because he was gay.

STOP THE HATE, PEOPLE.