Hanging out with friends always makes fun. This time it was of a kid from Ukiah. Oh, sorry, an hour and a half South of Ukiah. I think we rendered him pretty well in sponge. For those confused of you, my life is essentially one inside joke. Rather unfortunate if you think about it. Is anyone doing anything for New Year's? I don't really want to sit at home with my parents this year. Again.
Title Source: "Awkward Duet" by Sons & Daughters. Scottish band. If you're from Minnesota, the song is pronounced 'akwurd'. O dear!
“What is jew? New. What is new?”
“Jesus. Um. Not much.”
“I don’t get it. It’s not that good. In fact it’s horrible.”
“It’s the zombification of America through pop culture, man.”
“Yes well, what can be done about that except bringing about the zombacolypse?”
“I would probably say that, like almost all drummers, Ringo got much less face time with the public because everyone’s always interested in the lead singer or the lyricist or, as it goes, the most charismatic of the group.”
“That’s bull. It was a band.”
“Well yes, but people are stupid.”
“I’m sorry, but Smokey the Bear is not gangsta.”
“Well, I’m going to walk up the hill.”
“Is that a euphemism for slitting wrists?”
“No, that would be falling down the hill, as in from blood loss.”
“Facebook?! No way!”
“I know. I make myself sick.”
“There’s nothing quite like an M80 to kill a nap.”
“You gave me fucking emo, you bastard.”
“What? How? How did I give you emo?”
“Well, when one person stops being emo, it has to go somewhere, hasn’t it?”
“There is no Law of Conservation of Emo.”
“Yes there is!”
“Look it up in your physics book.”
“It makes perfect sense!”
“It does not conform to any mass or energy laws.”
“I know. It conforms to the law of conservation of emo.”
“That's just a subsection of the energy laws.”
“[Rudraigh]’s the Indiana Jones of Covent!” And he is.
“Your definition of cute scares me.”
“I’m sorry.”
“That’s okay.”
“It’s my inner annoying-as-fuck indie kid. It attaches itself to anything male in tight pants.”
“Your multiple personalities gang up on each other.”
“Only the really annoying ones.”
“I find talking about the weird and then the normal has quite the effect on me and others...like...grinding glass into fine powder BEFORE you throw it in someone's eye.”
29 December 2006
24 December 2006
Shimmy shimmy who gives a damn.
I lied in the last post. Nothing feels like Christmas. I'd write a poem about it, but I don't think I have the energy to rhyme. That last word doesn't even look right.
~I'll have a blue Christmas without you...~ Damn, you know you're feeling festive when the only thing you can think of is Conor Oberst crooning into a microphone.
...I want one.
~I'll have a blue Christmas without you...~ Damn, you know you're feeling festive when the only thing you can think of is Conor Oberst crooning into a microphone.
...I want one.
22 December 2006
What would I like to have been? Everything you hate.
Most of you probably expected a Christmas title for this post. Those of you who expect anything of me. At all. But I didn't put one, because I honestly don't adore Christmas songs. Some of them are alright, but having them played constantly everyday since November isn't my cup of tea.
Title Source: "The Union Forever" by The White Stripes. I heard the Raconteurs rocked at Not So Silent Night, but I'm more old-school.
"Screw you."
"Come on, it's Christmas. Be more festive."
"Fine. Scrooge you."
"Mister Evans, do we get extra credit if we write our essay in blood?"
"Rock. Loud. Hard. Why the fuck does it smell like bad toothpaste?"
"Having some trouble with those t's tonight, aren't you?"
"Yeah. I'm not drunk. I swear. But these t's are killers."
"It's Christmas, bitches!"
"Can I help you?"
"Yeah, I'll have a loaf of bread and Pete Wentz."
"Aww... your lunch SUCKS."
"All I want for Christmas is for people to get hurt."
"You're clamping the cell phone into my crotch-ow."
[my phone rings] "Dahling!"
"I really hope these people are on crack."
"Is there anything I can do?"
"Probably not, unless you have a brain scrubber."
"My psychic ability turns the volume down when I feel violated."
Title Source: "The Union Forever" by The White Stripes. I heard the Raconteurs rocked at Not So Silent Night, but I'm more old-school.
"Screw you."
"Come on, it's Christmas. Be more festive."
"Fine. Scrooge you."
"Mister Evans, do we get extra credit if we write our essay in blood?"
"Rock. Loud. Hard. Why the fuck does it smell like bad toothpaste?"
"Having some trouble with those t's tonight, aren't you?"
"Yeah. I'm not drunk. I swear. But these t's are killers."
"It's Christmas, bitches!"
"Can I help you?"
"Yeah, I'll have a loaf of bread and Pete Wentz."
"Aww... your lunch SUCKS."
"All I want for Christmas is for people to get hurt."
"You're clamping the cell phone into my crotch-ow."
[my phone rings] "Dahling!"
"I really hope these people are on crack."
"Is there anything I can do?"
"Probably not, unless you have a brain scrubber."
"My psychic ability turns the volume down when I feel violated."
15 December 2006
Well how about I jusht kill myshelf? Ish that metal enough for you?
I could go on a tirade, but for the sake of your short attention span, I'll condense it to one sentence: My internets is dildos. So apparently most of these quotes aren't funny. Should I update less then?
Title Source: William Murderface Murderface Murderface (Metalacolypse). I heard Dethklok's putting out an album. I'd buy it. But that's pretty much how I feel right now, and if you even so much as think the word emo, I swear to you that I will find you and punch you in the damn face.
“Okay then, life is fucking bowl of mangoes.”
“But I’m psychotic-hyper, so everything is funny.”
“So, um, awkward question?”
“Yes. I know we all love those.”
“Well, I have ‘Antarctica’ on. That’s almost a lullaby.”
“There are kids dying in Africa. Why should I mope around, all self-centred?”
“Okay let’s make a plan. Step one: finish this sandwich.”
“Smileys cannot express my expressions.”
“I tried doing that once, but it looked like my smiley was sucking on another smiley’s balls. Not exactly what I was going for.”
“Because you need three points to support a plane. Or… cat.”
“What? Why are we fucking eggs?”
“She just encouraged my sister to look like something you order.”
“The raspberries! Oh god! Oh god noooooooo!”
“Oh, the people we hit on when we’re bored.”
“Slow and sucky most definitely did not win the race.”
“That’s how I like my enemies. With asthma.”
“You want this? It’s a T for Emily!”
“The Adventures Of Huck Finn is like How the Grinch Stole Christmas. In How the Grinch Stole Christmas, the Grinch goes on this big moral journey and learns the true meaning of Christmas. In The Adventures Of Huck Finn, Huck goes on a big moral journey and learns the true meaning of slavery!”
“No, terrible only pertains to shoes.”
“If my egg doesn’t break, I will break in God.”
“We are God’s Playstation.”
“Boobs! Buy a watch!”
“Run-on sentences can fuck themselves. You know they do.”
“Hyphy Juice!”
“Scott in a can?”
“Apparently we’re beating Wisconsin in cheese production.”
“Ha! Take that, you racist bitches!”
“What are we fucking about?”
"'How To Get Dressed.' You know, I think someone should write a book called 'How To Stay Dressed'."
"It'd be a best-seller for SI students."
"I swear to God, I'm going to kill the internet!"
"Why?"
"Because my connection keeps going out and my phone is all fucked up. And no one was home to pick me up from school." *phone rings* "And if that fucking phone rings again, I'm going to take a hacksaw to it!"
Title Source: William Murderface Murderface Murderface (Metalacolypse). I heard Dethklok's putting out an album. I'd buy it. But that's pretty much how I feel right now, and if you even so much as think the word emo, I swear to you that I will find you and punch you in the damn face.
“Okay then, life is fucking bowl of mangoes.”
“But I’m psychotic-hyper, so everything is funny.”
“So, um, awkward question?”
“Yes. I know we all love those.”
“Well, I have ‘Antarctica’ on. That’s almost a lullaby.”
“There are kids dying in Africa. Why should I mope around, all self-centred?”
“Okay let’s make a plan. Step one: finish this sandwich.”
“Smileys cannot express my expressions.”
“I tried doing that once, but it looked like my smiley was sucking on another smiley’s balls. Not exactly what I was going for.”
“Because you need three points to support a plane. Or… cat.”
“What? Why are we fucking eggs?”
“She just encouraged my sister to look like something you order.”
“The raspberries! Oh god! Oh god noooooooo!”
“Oh, the people we hit on when we’re bored.”
“Slow and sucky most definitely did not win the race.”
“That’s how I like my enemies. With asthma.”
“You want this? It’s a T for Emily!”
“The Adventures Of Huck Finn is like How the Grinch Stole Christmas. In How the Grinch Stole Christmas, the Grinch goes on this big moral journey and learns the true meaning of Christmas. In The Adventures Of Huck Finn, Huck goes on a big moral journey and learns the true meaning of slavery!”
“No, terrible only pertains to shoes.”
“If my egg doesn’t break, I will break in God.”
“We are God’s Playstation.”
“Boobs! Buy a watch!”
“Run-on sentences can fuck themselves. You know they do.”
“Hyphy Juice!”
“Scott in a can?”
“Apparently we’re beating Wisconsin in cheese production.”
“Ha! Take that, you racist bitches!”
“What are we fucking about?”
"'How To Get Dressed.' You know, I think someone should write a book called 'How To Stay Dressed'."
"It'd be a best-seller for SI students."
"I swear to God, I'm going to kill the internet!"
"Why?"
"Because my connection keeps going out and my phone is all fucked up. And no one was home to pick me up from school." *phone rings* "And if that fucking phone rings again, I'm going to take a hacksaw to it!"
08 December 2006
If it looks like I'm laughing, I'm really just asking to leave.
Winter Pops is FINALLY over. Thank God. I probably shouldn't let this into public knowledge, but apparently there's a pirated video of Bev, Siobhan, and I doing Big Spender on YouTube. Damn you, YouTube, and all your easy-access video ways! But anyway, Christmas Dance tonight. Let's hope for a good one, eh? I'm still banking someone cries.
Title Source: "The Sharpest Lives" by My Chemical Romance. If you don't like it, screw you because it's a great album.
“But then again hamburgers to a dragon might just taste better.”
“Maybe, but people wriggle. Hamburgers do not.”
“Well what about a live hamburger?”
“You mean taking a bite out of a cow?”
“I said hamburger, fool.”
“That's mostly what hamburgers are made of. I hope.”
“They are made of beef.”
“Cows are made of cow. They're made of beef. You're made of beef.”
“If I took a piece of beef will it turn into a cow?”
“It's made FROM cow.”
“But it wont become a cow is my point.”
“If you take a cow it won't automatically become beef.”
“Glad that’s cleared up.”
“I got a letter today from the National Guard. No thank you, but I do not wish to fight for the principles of people I don’t agree with.”
“The hypnotic powers of corporate America pizza hogs kind of freak me out.”
“Hey look, that column is straight-edge!”
“Benches are for asses, not for heathens.”
“Unconsentual oral sex still counts as rape, right? Okay, so you can rape someone with your face.”
“He’s playing guitar. He can’t be bothered with whores.”
“Right. Whores come after we play guitar.”
“Becca, are you in dress code?”
“Uuummm.... noo....”
“A mule is the retarded offspring of a horse and a tiger.”
“Kerfwappo!”
“I am jealous to the point of homicide.”
“The sun is all up ons!”
"If I'm cold that's the first thing I check. 'Am I wearing pants?'"
"Strip joints and minigolf... and churches. Fun for everyone."
"Yeah, the KKK have a meeting at the mini golf play every Thursday."
Title Source: "The Sharpest Lives" by My Chemical Romance. If you don't like it, screw you because it's a great album.
“But then again hamburgers to a dragon might just taste better.”
“Maybe, but people wriggle. Hamburgers do not.”
“Well what about a live hamburger?”
“You mean taking a bite out of a cow?”
“I said hamburger, fool.”
“That's mostly what hamburgers are made of. I hope.”
“They are made of beef.”
“Cows are made of cow. They're made of beef. You're made of beef.”
“If I took a piece of beef will it turn into a cow?”
“It's made FROM cow.”
“But it wont become a cow is my point.”
“If you take a cow it won't automatically become beef.”
“Glad that’s cleared up.”
“I got a letter today from the National Guard. No thank you, but I do not wish to fight for the principles of people I don’t agree with.”
“The hypnotic powers of corporate America pizza hogs kind of freak me out.”
“Hey look, that column is straight-edge!”
“Benches are for asses, not for heathens.”
“Unconsentual oral sex still counts as rape, right? Okay, so you can rape someone with your face.”
“He’s playing guitar. He can’t be bothered with whores.”
“Right. Whores come after we play guitar.”
“Becca, are you in dress code?”
“Uuummm.... noo....”
“A mule is the retarded offspring of a horse and a tiger.”
“Kerfwappo!”
“I am jealous to the point of homicide.”
“The sun is all up ons!”
"If I'm cold that's the first thing I check. 'Am I wearing pants?'"
"Strip joints and minigolf... and churches. Fun for everyone."
"Yeah, the KKK have a meeting at the mini golf play every Thursday."
01 December 2006
And hold you in her freezing arms until you fall asleep.
Happy December, kids. So Winter Pops is lasting forever, and I'll be shocked if I don't drop dead by next week. Don't be surprised if I sleep through part of the Christmas Dance (but not the part you're playing, guys.) And drama! Crikey, people and their freakin' secrets. This isn't the OC, for Christ's sake.
Title Source: I swear it's from an awesome song, but I don't remember which. Maybe I just wrote it myself. Who knows.
“Bah. Comics are better than life.”
“Yes, thank you. We all know how to NOT DROWN.”
“Mel’s was tense, mine was slightly awkward and kinda weird, and Ian had beef for dinner.”
“Well hey, he got naked, so I’m happy.”
“I think our friends are a case study waiting to happen.”
“We could pop wheelies.”
“True, but we couldn’t dance.”
“My theory is all girls can flirt, sometimes it doesn’t come as easy, but baby when it flows in there's a goddamn flood.”
“Matt, what do I want for Christmas?”
“Porn. Lots of it. And hookers... and illicit substances.”
“And bass lessons.”
“She said she was in an anti-war group, and I looked it up. It advocated violent revolution in favour of socialism. Which is a bullshit cause, unless you’re a true transcendentalist, in which case you wouldn’t advocate violence. However, if you’re an anti-transcendentalist, you wouldn’t support socialism.”
“So she’s a contradiction?”
“Yep. Slap to the face.”
“Shy + guys x issues = single.”
“We obviously haven’t met. I’m Ceri, the Relationship Retard.”
“Someone was obviously on acid when they wrote this movie.”
“Oh, the part where Dumbo gets drunk?”
“Yeah, and the… you know… FLYING ELEPHANT PART.”
“Just because you want to beat the living fuck out of someone doesn’t mean you hate them.”
“No, I’m just definitely a guy trapped in a girl’s body. A secretly gay guy.”
“Nor is yous a duck but you don't see me saying it.”
“Well, it’s kind of a long story, but I almost got mugged and ended up throwing someone through a window.” Translation: Charlie Johnson is a badass.
“That’s Sophie’s knight in shining armour.”
“You mean knight in shining necktie.”
“Teens are like Africa.”
“They have AIDS?”
“Sprite understands me.”
“Sprite has become an icon in hip hop culture.”
“I’m offended by these people’s idiocy.”
“Your subtlety lack subtlety.”
“I bet Gerard Way tastes like Cherry Coke.”
[laughs hysterically]
“You took that completely the wrong way, didn’t you?”
My Dad: “Happy whoring tonight.”
“Okay. Well, I’m going to go now. Long live Incubus.”
Title Source: I swear it's from an awesome song, but I don't remember which. Maybe I just wrote it myself. Who knows.
“Bah. Comics are better than life.”
“Yes, thank you. We all know how to NOT DROWN.”
“Mel’s was tense, mine was slightly awkward and kinda weird, and Ian had beef for dinner.”
“Well hey, he got naked, so I’m happy.”
“I think our friends are a case study waiting to happen.”
“We could pop wheelies.”
“True, but we couldn’t dance.”
“My theory is all girls can flirt, sometimes it doesn’t come as easy, but baby when it flows in there's a goddamn flood.”
“Matt, what do I want for Christmas?”
“Porn. Lots of it. And hookers... and illicit substances.”
“And bass lessons.”
“She said she was in an anti-war group, and I looked it up. It advocated violent revolution in favour of socialism. Which is a bullshit cause, unless you’re a true transcendentalist, in which case you wouldn’t advocate violence. However, if you’re an anti-transcendentalist, you wouldn’t support socialism.”
“So she’s a contradiction?”
“Yep. Slap to the face.”
“Shy + guys x issues = single.”
“We obviously haven’t met. I’m Ceri, the Relationship Retard.”
“Someone was obviously on acid when they wrote this movie.”
“Oh, the part where Dumbo gets drunk?”
“Yeah, and the… you know… FLYING ELEPHANT PART.”
“Just because you want to beat the living fuck out of someone doesn’t mean you hate them.”
“No, I’m just definitely a guy trapped in a girl’s body. A secretly gay guy.”
“Nor is yous a duck but you don't see me saying it.”
“Well, it’s kind of a long story, but I almost got mugged and ended up throwing someone through a window.” Translation: Charlie Johnson is a badass.
“That’s Sophie’s knight in shining armour.”
“You mean knight in shining necktie.”
“Teens are like Africa.”
“They have AIDS?”
“Sprite understands me.”
“Sprite has become an icon in hip hop culture.”
“I’m offended by these people’s idiocy.”
“Your subtlety lack subtlety.”
“I bet Gerard Way tastes like Cherry Coke.”
[laughs hysterically]
“You took that completely the wrong way, didn’t you?”
My Dad: “Happy whoring tonight.”
“Okay. Well, I’m going to go now. Long live Incubus.”
24 November 2006
They paint us immaculate, ignoring the fact that we're shoving our faults in their faces.
Happy Black Friday everyone. I'm sure there's a band with that name. I have been kind of obsessed with Guitar Hero recently; so much so that I couldn't get to sleep last night because "Strutter" was playing in my head. It makes everything else melt. Kind of cool. But on to the quotes.
Title Source: "Crashing Down" by Dead Poetic. My head makes videos for almost every song I hear. This is no exception.
“Pay attention to Blinky. Blinky’s never let you down!”
“I think they should have that instead of announcements.”
“What, a fire?”
“Where was I?”
“Nebraska.”
“That’s wrong. Hookers are people too.”
“Wait, are you defending raping hookers?”
“If you rape her, do you pay her?”
“No, it’s shoplifting. We’ve been over this.”
Don't go shopping.
Title Source: "Crashing Down" by Dead Poetic. My head makes videos for almost every song I hear. This is no exception.
“Pay attention to Blinky. Blinky’s never let you down!”
“I think they should have that instead of announcements.”
“What, a fire?”
“Where was I?”
“Nebraska.”
“That’s wrong. Hookers are people too.”
“Wait, are you defending raping hookers?”
“If you rape her, do you pay her?”
“No, it’s shoplifting. We’ve been over this.”
Don't go shopping.
17 November 2006
Get busy living or get busy dying.
Woah. Updated system for blogger. I'm sure most of you have already seen, but it's pretty cool. I was going to complain about my being sick, but that's not interesting. And neither is me talking about the play. So on to the funness.
Title Source: "The Shawshank Redemption". I get the feeling Fall Out Boy used this in a song. If so, my apologies.
“The only way to tell the difference between the staff and the patients in that place was that the staff had the keys.”
“My mother is in the living room telling her friend about her mushroom experiences.”
“Wait. Are you asking me to get high with you?”
“Ceri, you can drink, right? You’re old enough.”
“When Brother called Mrs. Coda in about Will and Dionne, he gave her the list of people on retreat and said, ‘Find these two kids.’ and apparently she took one look at it and said, ‘Well obviously it's Ceri Quattrin and Andrew McCarty. but they're faculty kids so can we just brush this under the rug?’ You know, just to mess with him. My dad told me that and I screamed, 'WHAT?!’”
“In the Haight yesterday I saw a guy who was Chuck if he turned into an indie kid.”
“Remember Sturgeon’s Law: 90% of everything is crap.”
“Why is my computer so slow?”
“Because it’s using inhalants.”
“I think flirting is a science.”
“Why’s that?”
“I don’t get it.”
“Yeah, and I’m sure you think spewing out confetti is a lot of fun.”
“It is. Duh.”
“My lemming isn’t dead!”
“It committed suicide because it saw your face.”
“Nice one. I like her.”
“Friends are loyal. Like dogs. Only you don’t feed them treats, you give them cash.”
“It was a question. It was an invisible question.”
“Yes, we're going to have Dougie as your background. Just tack pictures on Doug.”
“You are many whores, Adam darling.”
“At least I’d look really chill in comparison.”
“A paranoid skitzophrenic would look chill in comparison.”
“I would look comatose then.”
“How are you feeling?”
“I sound like a chain smoker.”
“No. That is the store of lost souls. Not lost crack addicts.”
“That’s like sticking a flamingo on roller skates: it’s just awkward and pathetic to watch.”
“Yum, implied jugulars.”
“I’m being an integer!”
“Oh captain, my captain, this moment, very moment.”
“I’m not a bad guy. I could rape people.”
“Every romantic comedy needs zombies.”
“They’re hidden behind a veil of secrecy… and chocolate.”
“What kind of sex have you been having? Carbonated sex?”
“Every time you hear a bell, a fetus gets its wings.”
“Your butt is in my seat.”
“And not just my butt. All of me!”
“There are five of them. That equals five.”
“It’s a sweat collector. Not a hair protector.”
“Hell to the no am I doing lights with her.”
Title Source: "The Shawshank Redemption". I get the feeling Fall Out Boy used this in a song. If so, my apologies.
“The only way to tell the difference between the staff and the patients in that place was that the staff had the keys.”
“My mother is in the living room telling her friend about her mushroom experiences.”
“Wait. Are you asking me to get high with you?”
“Ceri, you can drink, right? You’re old enough.”
“When Brother called Mrs. Coda in about Will and Dionne, he gave her the list of people on retreat and said, ‘Find these two kids.’ and apparently she took one look at it and said, ‘Well obviously it's Ceri Quattrin and Andrew McCarty. but they're faculty kids so can we just brush this under the rug?’ You know, just to mess with him. My dad told me that and I screamed, 'WHAT?!’”
“In the Haight yesterday I saw a guy who was Chuck if he turned into an indie kid.”
“Remember Sturgeon’s Law: 90% of everything is crap.”
“Why is my computer so slow?”
“Because it’s using inhalants.”
“I think flirting is a science.”
“Why’s that?”
“I don’t get it.”
“Yeah, and I’m sure you think spewing out confetti is a lot of fun.”
“It is. Duh.”
“My lemming isn’t dead!”
“It committed suicide because it saw your face.”
“Nice one. I like her.”
“Friends are loyal. Like dogs. Only you don’t feed them treats, you give them cash.”
“It was a question. It was an invisible question.”
“Yes, we're going to have Dougie as your background. Just tack pictures on Doug.”
“You are many whores, Adam darling.”
“At least I’d look really chill in comparison.”
“A paranoid skitzophrenic would look chill in comparison.”
“I would look comatose then.”
“How are you feeling?”
“I sound like a chain smoker.”
“No. That is the store of lost souls. Not lost crack addicts.”
“That’s like sticking a flamingo on roller skates: it’s just awkward and pathetic to watch.”
“Yum, implied jugulars.”
“I’m being an integer!”
“Oh captain, my captain, this moment, very moment.”
“I’m not a bad guy. I could rape people.”
“Every romantic comedy needs zombies.”
“They’re hidden behind a veil of secrecy… and chocolate.”
“What kind of sex have you been having? Carbonated sex?”
“Every time you hear a bell, a fetus gets its wings.”
“Your butt is in my seat.”
“And not just my butt. All of me!”
“There are five of them. That equals five.”
“It’s a sweat collector. Not a hair protector.”
“Hell to the no am I doing lights with her.”
10 November 2006
Love, four words explode above a mnemonic device
The week from Hell has finally ended. Tech rehersals last much longer when you have eight- count 'em- EIGHT cues in the whole show; you can blame the deficiency of quotes on it. Just to show how much sleep I haven't been getting, I've slept twice this week in Latin. Not amazing to most at first glance, I know, but I never sleep in class. At least Mattimore was more obvious than I was.
Title Source: "Lachrymose Obsequious Vehement Elated" by Bright Eyes. I've never heard this song, but I liked the lyric.
“So apparently, I’m a town in central Italy.”
“It looks beautiful. So you really are a supreme ruler. And here I thought we were just having some fun.”
“Wow. If I didn’t know that was me, I’d say, ‘What a pretty girl’.”
“Well I don’t know. It was brown and rectangular. It could be a box.”
“Because everything brown is a box.”
“There’s nothing sexy about a tuba.”
“What’re you gonna do?”
“Dress in drag and do the hula!”
“In the city, there is a dildo factory and they give tours.”
“Is that a GOYB?”
Title Source: "Lachrymose Obsequious Vehement Elated" by Bright Eyes. I've never heard this song, but I liked the lyric.
“So apparently, I’m a town in central Italy.”
“It looks beautiful. So you really are a supreme ruler. And here I thought we were just having some fun.”
“Wow. If I didn’t know that was me, I’d say, ‘What a pretty girl’.”
“Well I don’t know. It was brown and rectangular. It could be a box.”
“Because everything brown is a box.”
“There’s nothing sexy about a tuba.”
“What’re you gonna do?”
“Dress in drag and do the hula!”
“In the city, there is a dildo factory and they give tours.”
“Is that a GOYB?”
03 November 2006
The world's a roller coaster and I am not strapped in.
Why did I post last night? I knew I was doing this today. Oh well. Kind of shitty day after a string of kind of shitty days this week. So I'm glad it's over. But I wrote some stuff and I got more ideas for this things that's been on hiatus a while. So that's good.
Title Source: "I Wish You Were Here" by Incubus. Not to be confused with Pink Floyd, though it's about as relaxing. I found the album today on sale at Borders. The things people don't want.
“What’s up?”
“Your mother. You?”
“Your face.”
“Yeah, that is a dumbcool idea.”
“They go together like peanut and buttsex.”
“It’s weird have a design on my skin that I know won’t come off with soap.”
“Right. It’s like AIDS.”
“That would be odd if AIDS came off with soap.”
“No. It would save hella people.”
“Sorry. Issues.”
“Hopefully not blind ones. Haha. Gay band joke.”
“He-Dad. Like He-Man. Just awesomer.”
“My mom thinks it’s far out that I’m portraying a whore.”
“No one is technically equal, because as humans we cannot grasp the concept of being the same as everyone else.”
“I’m a whore. Isn’t that lovely?”
“Oh my word, there is no way he will accept that. You are relying on the flawed assumption that Chevans is not a punitive, menopausal bitch.”
“What are you writing to be nosy?”
“Poetry to be honest.”
“It shows you have a sensitive side that you like to reveal in a creative way.”
“Sensitive like an emo kid and creative like a starving artist.”
“Sensitive like a human who feels things, and creative like an artist who is fortunate to have been brought up in a comfortable home but still is able to understand the plights of others and recognizes situations that invoke deep thought.”
“Don’t make me sound like someone important.”
“Revengeance!”
“Father Arrupe, report to the Dean’s office with a hot dog.”
“And don’t forget the sauerkraut.”
“Yes. I misplaced my pancreas.”
“Verbal violence is fine.”
“If I had a potato, I wouldn’t need sound effects.”
“If you were pretty, you wouldn’t need to go to an orgy because you could get some otherwise.”
“I bruise like a peach.”
“Well, I bruise like a rotten peach.”
“At least you don’t bruise like a rotten baby.”
“Wait, all the Romans moved to Utah?”
“Kylie, what words are you saying?!”
“Potato sex what?”
“[with wavey hand motions] I’M A MUSHROOM!”
“No communist masturbation.”
“Are you writing notes? Ooh, shame! What kind of notes?”
“They’re dirty underhanded notes.”
“…Well, this one is.”
Title Source: "I Wish You Were Here" by Incubus. Not to be confused with Pink Floyd, though it's about as relaxing. I found the album today on sale at Borders. The things people don't want.
“What’s up?”
“Your mother. You?”
“Your face.”
“Yeah, that is a dumbcool idea.”
“They go together like peanut and buttsex.”
“It’s weird have a design on my skin that I know won’t come off with soap.”
“Right. It’s like AIDS.”
“That would be odd if AIDS came off with soap.”
“No. It would save hella people.”
“Sorry. Issues.”
“Hopefully not blind ones. Haha. Gay band joke.”
“He-Dad. Like He-Man. Just awesomer.”
“My mom thinks it’s far out that I’m portraying a whore.”
“No one is technically equal, because as humans we cannot grasp the concept of being the same as everyone else.”
“I’m a whore. Isn’t that lovely?”
“Oh my word, there is no way he will accept that. You are relying on the flawed assumption that Chevans is not a punitive, menopausal bitch.”
“What are you writing to be nosy?”
“Poetry to be honest.”
“It shows you have a sensitive side that you like to reveal in a creative way.”
“Sensitive like an emo kid and creative like a starving artist.”
“Sensitive like a human who feels things, and creative like an artist who is fortunate to have been brought up in a comfortable home but still is able to understand the plights of others and recognizes situations that invoke deep thought.”
“Don’t make me sound like someone important.”
“Revengeance!”
“Father Arrupe, report to the Dean’s office with a hot dog.”
“And don’t forget the sauerkraut.”
“Yes. I misplaced my pancreas.”
“Verbal violence is fine.”
“If I had a potato, I wouldn’t need sound effects.”
“If you were pretty, you wouldn’t need to go to an orgy because you could get some otherwise.”
“I bruise like a peach.”
“Well, I bruise like a rotten peach.”
“At least you don’t bruise like a rotten baby.”
“Wait, all the Romans moved to Utah?”
“Kylie, what words are you saying?!”
“Potato sex what?”
“[with wavey hand motions] I’M A MUSHROOM!”
“No communist masturbation.”
“Are you writing notes? Ooh, shame! What kind of notes?”
“They’re dirty underhanded notes.”
“…Well, this one is.”
02 November 2006
So close your eyes, kiss me goodbye, and sleep.
Sleep. What I should be doing. Also a My Chemical Romance song. Fragment sentences.
But yes, I have listened to The Black Parade more than 20 times since I got it, and if you don't like that, then you don't have to, because I do and who cares what you think. *cough* I'm finished.
I found this earlier in my notebook when I was feeling terrible and am thinking of submitting to the Quill. The title's shitty, but I can almost hear it performed, and there's probably a video being made in my head as you read as well. Screw legitimate punctuation. Anyway.
Self-Intervention
I've got an addiction that's so easy to feed
The more I choke it down, the more I need
It's doing wonders for my psyche but a number on my head
Next thing I know, I'm alone in the bed
Nothing's coming slow and oh-so lethargic
All I need now is for you just to barge in
And tell me that I'm crazy
For wanting all the things I do
The reality check is a major buzz kill
But I'll be drunk again soon
The room is spinning faster to the beat
And I can feel the sweat from the heat
Just one more dozen past the sphincter
For a little more time the took and inked her
People walk by and stare, but I can't make myself care
Because all I hear's your words impared:
Telling me that I'm all mazy
How my philosophy's a sham
This reality is harshing my mellow
Hope you got it all on camera
Why do you have to tell me that it's wrong?
It could wait until a better time
Just wait for a more sober moment
The one I can tell you what's mine ~ to waste
So tell me that I'm crazy
For all the sick, sick things I do
My addiction won't fade, like us, so fast
So how about you convince of something true?
The poetic devices are probably lost in translation. Hell, sometimes I don't even understand about what I'm writing.
But yes, I have listened to The Black Parade more than 20 times since I got it, and if you don't like that, then you don't have to, because I do and who cares what you think. *cough* I'm finished.
I found this earlier in my notebook when I was feeling terrible and am thinking of submitting to the Quill. The title's shitty, but I can almost hear it performed, and there's probably a video being made in my head as you read as well. Screw legitimate punctuation. Anyway.
Self-Intervention
I've got an addiction that's so easy to feed
The more I choke it down, the more I need
It's doing wonders for my psyche but a number on my head
Next thing I know, I'm alone in the bed
Nothing's coming slow and oh-so lethargic
All I need now is for you just to barge in
And tell me that I'm crazy
For wanting all the things I do
The reality check is a major buzz kill
But I'll be drunk again soon
The room is spinning faster to the beat
And I can feel the sweat from the heat
Just one more dozen past the sphincter
For a little more time the took and inked her
People walk by and stare, but I can't make myself care
Because all I hear's your words impared:
Telling me that I'm all mazy
How my philosophy's a sham
This reality is harshing my mellow
Hope you got it all on camera
Why do you have to tell me that it's wrong?
It could wait until a better time
Just wait for a more sober moment
The one I can tell you what's mine ~ to waste
So tell me that I'm crazy
For all the sick, sick things I do
My addiction won't fade, like us, so fast
So how about you convince of something true?
The poetic devices are probably lost in translation. Hell, sometimes I don't even understand about what I'm writing.
28 October 2006
Mama, we all go to hell.
Ludi was pretty awesome, as was hanging out/working with Siobhan, Adam, and Mel at the Halloween party thing. This explains the lateness of this update. I am currently listening to My Chemical Romance's "Black Parade" which FINALLY came and I must say it's pretty good. A good mix of highs, lows, sweetness and sarcasm, I think.
Title Source: "Mama" by My Chemical Romance. This'll play on rotation for a while.
“Cool. Now I’m a piano.”
“Life is too short… so kiss slowly, laugh uncontrollably, love truly, forgive quickly, and never regret anything that once made you smile.”
Mr. Evans: “Because sex with goats… is always wrong.”
“And today I completely forgot that we actually got our math binders back after the midterm so I was like...wait, how did Mr. Quattrin get this into my locker...what sort of sorcery is this? And your dad does know sorcery, I’m pretty sure. I bet he could make 2+2= chair.”
“Look! Your existence! It’s right there!”
“I could never cut it as an emo kid. No pun intended.”
“I thin Adam’s drunk. He just called me hott.”
“That’s mean.”
“You’re mean!”
“I know!”
“Scott is a dance master.”
“Yes! Very yes!”
“Fall Out Boy? You mean, Fall Out Suck.”
“If you fail, you have to make a sex noise.”
“Which is funny because that’s how it works in real life.”
“Caesar was the Freddie Mercury of his day.”
“Look, Mama! Dead people!”
“They’re like Native Americans. Only white.”
“Because Jesus space-travelled all the time.”
“Red in dunce lettering.” Yay dyslexia.
“What did the Romans use instead of toilet paper?”
“Figs!”
“That kid was weird. He was singing to himself and eating grass.”
“Special cheese!”
“Where is my ring, you gigolo jackbutt?”
“If this is Ben Hur, where’s the guy getting run over?”
“We lost tug of war because those eighth graders weigh like 150 pounds and America’s obese.”
Title Source: "Mama" by My Chemical Romance. This'll play on rotation for a while.
“Cool. Now I’m a piano.”
“Life is too short… so kiss slowly, laugh uncontrollably, love truly, forgive quickly, and never regret anything that once made you smile.”
Mr. Evans: “Because sex with goats… is always wrong.”
“And today I completely forgot that we actually got our math binders back after the midterm so I was like...wait, how did Mr. Quattrin get this into my locker...what sort of sorcery is this? And your dad does know sorcery, I’m pretty sure. I bet he could make 2+2= chair.”
“Look! Your existence! It’s right there!”
“I could never cut it as an emo kid. No pun intended.”
“I thin Adam’s drunk. He just called me hott.”
“That’s mean.”
“You’re mean!”
“I know!”
“Scott is a dance master.”
“Yes! Very yes!”
“Fall Out Boy? You mean, Fall Out Suck.”
“If you fail, you have to make a sex noise.”
“Which is funny because that’s how it works in real life.”
“Caesar was the Freddie Mercury of his day.”
“Look, Mama! Dead people!”
“They’re like Native Americans. Only white.”
“Because Jesus space-travelled all the time.”
“Red in dunce lettering.” Yay dyslexia.
“What did the Romans use instead of toilet paper?”
“Figs!”
“That kid was weird. He was singing to himself and eating grass.”
“Special cheese!”
“Where is my ring, you gigolo jackbutt?”
“If this is Ben Hur, where’s the guy getting run over?”
“We lost tug of war because those eighth graders weigh like 150 pounds and America’s obese.”
20 October 2006
"How nice- to feel nothing, but still take all the credit for being alive."
Title Source: Slaughterhouse Five
“I like green lightening! I like green lightening, Sam I Am!”
“Do you think green lightening is, like, God having an orgasm?”
“Yes. That’s exactly what it is.”
“I think I have expressed this before. But if there is a mathematical equation for awesome, the domain= quotations and range=you.”
“Don’t go all Spider-Man on me, that movie was not that great.”
“Well its off to the land of sheep and fluffy clouds...oh who am I kidding? My sleep world is a confusing array of strange metaphors strung together by the cruelness of the fates. Anyway I bid u good feeding, O Vampiress Ceri.”
“So God is like being on acid?”
“Definitely.”
“Can I buy a vowel?”
“R.”
“That’s not a vowel.”
“Yes it is! Don’t you lie to me!”
“The definition of Jimi Hendrix is a shiny, decomposing object.”
“Fun: booze of unknown origin.”
“Make me feel less creeped out.”
“How so?”
“This guy in his twenties just stopped me by my house and kept asking for my number.”
“Kill him.”
“Sumner’s the Queen of France. Spread the news.” [And he is.]
“I am a fuck you.”
“I speak little donkey!”
“Emo Mike is a state of mind.”
“We’re sober. That’s funny.”
“Why is my knee itchy?”
“Because you kicked me and I SENT MY PLAGUE UPON YOU!”
“Life makes me pout.”
“You’re such a dork, and don’ talk about my butt, it’s weird.”
“Any hair is the same hair when you’re with Ceri.” [Yeah, I still don’t get it.]
“Annie rapping is always in style.”
“Drugs and sushi!”
“Your burrito had diarrhoea all over your pants.”
“Bowling isn’t fun with you, Magneto!”
“If he’s the one, who’s the two?”
“I like green lightening! I like green lightening, Sam I Am!”
“Do you think green lightening is, like, God having an orgasm?”
“Yes. That’s exactly what it is.”
“I think I have expressed this before. But if there is a mathematical equation for awesome, the domain= quotations and range=you.”
“Don’t go all Spider-Man on me, that movie was not that great.”
“Well its off to the land of sheep and fluffy clouds...oh who am I kidding? My sleep world is a confusing array of strange metaphors strung together by the cruelness of the fates. Anyway I bid u good feeding, O Vampiress Ceri.”
“So God is like being on acid?”
“Definitely.”
“Can I buy a vowel?”
“R.”
“That’s not a vowel.”
“Yes it is! Don’t you lie to me!”
“The definition of Jimi Hendrix is a shiny, decomposing object.”
“Fun: booze of unknown origin.”
“Make me feel less creeped out.”
“How so?”
“This guy in his twenties just stopped me by my house and kept asking for my number.”
“Kill him.”
“Sumner’s the Queen of France. Spread the news.” [And he is.]
“I am a fuck you.”
“I speak little donkey!”
“Emo Mike is a state of mind.”
“We’re sober. That’s funny.”
“Why is my knee itchy?”
“Because you kicked me and I SENT MY PLAGUE UPON YOU!”
“Life makes me pout.”
“You’re such a dork, and don’ talk about my butt, it’s weird.”
“Any hair is the same hair when you’re with Ceri.” [Yeah, I still don’t get it.]
“Annie rapping is always in style.”
“Drugs and sushi!”
“Your burrito had diarrhoea all over your pants.”
“Bowling isn’t fun with you, Magneto!”
“If he’s the one, who’s the two?”
16 October 2006
13 October 2006
Take me to where the white boys dance.
Happy Friday the 13th, loves. This one’s dedicated to Annie Radsliff, because she’s just a cool, cool kid. And because I promised her a dedication. So here you are, sweetheart. Just for you. There is no such thing as bad luck, so Ryan’s boxers are rendered useless.
And guess who got the last Lemony Snicket for absolutely free. Yeah, I’m a nerd, deal with it.
Title Source: “Where The White Boys Dance” by The Killers. The theme song of practically every guy I know, especially in the Ace Gang.
“Wait. Is she implying that I’m fucking Scott?”
[whimper] “Am I in the Ace Gang?”
“That is not a bald answer. I want a bald answer!”
“Y’know, I meant to ask earlier and just remembered. Why Detroit?”
“The eternal question.”
“Funny thing is, those were Scott’s glasses and I kept losing track of where we were in the skit because my vision was all fuzzy around the edges.”
“Pat… it’s time for you to die!!!”
“Yes… because he can legally buy cigarettes and porn.”
“That within itself is a party.”
“Methinks I should relocate to my room before passing out.”
“And thus continuing the story Bungalow Bill.”
“Okay, be a spazmonkey. More entertaining for me.”
“I just realized because someone mentioned it, but for the longest time I have completely forgotten about the existence of Belgium.”
“I could not write anymore.”
“Hey hey hey! Let’s not make any drastic choices that we may regret. Because Annie may punch someone.” [cough]
“Or eat their brain out with a spoon.”
“PERFUME ADS ARE NOT EQUIVALENT TO DRUGS!”
“Don’t worry. We can team up on someone else. Like… Matt. Matt deserves to be Oreo’d.”
“Suck peoples’ souls out through their coffins.” [Swear it wasn’t me.]
“This ceiling is made of cardboard and peanut butter.”
“Boys should be like tomigatchi's: if they suck, you can reset them.”
“Or leave them in a drawer until they shut the hell up.”
“Good idea, lure people with ponies. Well, mimes aren’t really people.”
“Mirrors should die. Hard.”
“You dad is the shit. End of story.”
“My face, in general, is AMAZING.”
“Sh! North Dakota doesn’t exist.”
“Curiously strong!”
“I’m not that curious.”
“I do not enjoy my butt to be wet. It is not pleasurable.”
“What colour would you like, sir?”
“Dirty black with holes.”
“Ah yes, Math Super 5000. I almost got into that class.”
“You put your faith in Jesus, but not physics?”
“Yes, Jesus will save me from physics.”
“Quote this, quote lady!” So I did.
“Dude, feel how cold I am. I think I’m dead.”
“On a different and light note… Ian keeps skewering and frying my rollie pollies of doom.”
“Eh, insects aren’t animals.”
“You are right scientifically, but morally? Insects are people too you know.”
“As shown last night, Bev cannot tell what an ear is.”
“Christian music equals no.”
And guess who got the last Lemony Snicket for absolutely free. Yeah, I’m a nerd, deal with it.
Title Source: “Where The White Boys Dance” by The Killers. The theme song of practically every guy I know, especially in the Ace Gang.
“Wait. Is she implying that I’m fucking Scott?”
[whimper] “Am I in the Ace Gang?”
“That is not a bald answer. I want a bald answer!”
“Y’know, I meant to ask earlier and just remembered. Why Detroit?”
“The eternal question.”
“Funny thing is, those were Scott’s glasses and I kept losing track of where we were in the skit because my vision was all fuzzy around the edges.”
“Pat… it’s time for you to die!!!”
“Yes… because he can legally buy cigarettes and porn.”
“That within itself is a party.”
“Methinks I should relocate to my room before passing out.”
“And thus continuing the story Bungalow Bill.”
“Okay, be a spazmonkey. More entertaining for me.”
“I just realized because someone mentioned it, but for the longest time I have completely forgotten about the existence of Belgium.”
“I could not write anymore.”
“Hey hey hey! Let’s not make any drastic choices that we may regret. Because Annie may punch someone.” [cough]
“Or eat their brain out with a spoon.”
“PERFUME ADS ARE NOT EQUIVALENT TO DRUGS!”
“Don’t worry. We can team up on someone else. Like… Matt. Matt deserves to be Oreo’d.”
“Suck peoples’ souls out through their coffins.” [Swear it wasn’t me.]
“This ceiling is made of cardboard and peanut butter.”
“Boys should be like tomigatchi's: if they suck, you can reset them.”
“Or leave them in a drawer until they shut the hell up.”
“Good idea, lure people with ponies. Well, mimes aren’t really people.”
“Mirrors should die. Hard.”
“You dad is the shit. End of story.”
“My face, in general, is AMAZING.”
“Sh! North Dakota doesn’t exist.”
“Curiously strong!”
“I’m not that curious.”
“I do not enjoy my butt to be wet. It is not pleasurable.”
“What colour would you like, sir?”
“Dirty black with holes.”
“Ah yes, Math Super 5000. I almost got into that class.”
“You put your faith in Jesus, but not physics?”
“Yes, Jesus will save me from physics.”
“Quote this, quote lady!” So I did.
“Dude, feel how cold I am. I think I’m dead.”
“On a different and light note… Ian keeps skewering and frying my rollie pollies of doom.”
“Eh, insects aren’t animals.”
“You are right scientifically, but morally? Insects are people too you know.”
“As shown last night, Bev cannot tell what an ear is.”
“Christian music equals no.”
06 October 2006
...From Detroit!
Happy Friday, everybody. Tonight's SIL, and if you're going, you either are in it, know someone in it, or have nothing better to do with yourself. In any case, I hope you laugh.
Oh, and a pretty good band: www.myspace.com/firstamendment1a/ Tommy's friend's band. 'Sall good.
*Edit* 11:46 and I'm still awake. Stupid show adrenaline high. It doesn't help that we're a bunch of savs who sit around in Mel's being... a bunch of savs. A lot of funny things were said, and I wish I could remember some of them.
It's good to know the lobster claw story. And the story behind Maggie Mae. Good stuff.
Title Source: “Maggie Mae” by Yesterday’s News. FINALLY, guys. Love it, love you.
“There's nothing funnier than your mom and her friend yelling about Peter Frampton being old and having no hair.”
“Do you have Fireworks?”
“With me?”
“No, the application.”
“What the fuck and who’s your mother? Where are my favorite trousers? Mis pantalones? My jeans??”
“Psh, I’m not you.”
“Yeah you are. You live inside me. So does Jack and Doug. Ian threw up, so I kicked him out.”
“I’m not surprised. I’d projectile vomit if I were inside you.”
“Thats was harsh.”
“Your lack of grammar was harsh.”
“I don’t understand why you guys all freak out when gross things are talked about.”
“I don’t freak out. Most of the time I laugh. Stupid dudeness.”
“So there are two themes I see here: emo and AFI. Oh, and some crap about bandanas and potassium. I dunno what that’s about.”
“Blame everyone else. That seems to be the ‘in’ thing right now.”
“Guard the breach! Man the walls! DEFEND THE THESIS!”
“I think we should get Andre to come.”
“Why?”
“Audience.”
“I could have had a more interesting conversation with a brick wall.”
“I probably have had a more interesting conversation with a brick wall.”
“If you could choke on stupid, she would have asphyxiated a while back.”
“So how are you?”
“You didn’t get the hint with the shotgun?”
“What? Why are you jingling? Who gave you permission to jingle?”
“…Wow… Thanks! … From Detroit!”
“So, what? It’s racist porn?”
“No retreat babies!”
“What happened to my napkin?”
“I ate it.”
“Have you ever had one of those days where everything is sticky?”
“What did the Romans use pruning hooks for? To de-bowel their enemies with?”
“Idiocology: the study of idiots.”
“Doug, stop being on crack.”
“That’s like trying to stop a duck from being on your wife.”
“Annie and I are a menage a trois.”
“God’s a skitzo!”
“Did Matt just ask Annie why her pants were off? Or why weren’t her pants off?”
"This car is like Amistad."
"Oh, and while we're here, I don't think we've formerly met."
"Nice to meet you, I'm Justin. Good to have you sitting on me."
"Portable mustard!"
"My two brothers and I can be a whole clan."
"...Only if you're gay..."
Oh, and a pretty good band: www.myspace.com/firstamendment1a/ Tommy's friend's band. 'Sall good.
*Edit* 11:46 and I'm still awake. Stupid show adrenaline high. It doesn't help that we're a bunch of savs who sit around in Mel's being... a bunch of savs. A lot of funny things were said, and I wish I could remember some of them.
It's good to know the lobster claw story. And the story behind Maggie Mae. Good stuff.
Title Source: “Maggie Mae” by Yesterday’s News. FINALLY, guys. Love it, love you.
“There's nothing funnier than your mom and her friend yelling about Peter Frampton being old and having no hair.”
“Do you have Fireworks?”
“With me?”
“No, the application.”
“What the fuck and who’s your mother? Where are my favorite trousers? Mis pantalones? My jeans??”
“Psh, I’m not you.”
“Yeah you are. You live inside me. So does Jack and Doug. Ian threw up, so I kicked him out.”
“I’m not surprised. I’d projectile vomit if I were inside you.”
“Thats was harsh.”
“Your lack of grammar was harsh.”
“I don’t understand why you guys all freak out when gross things are talked about.”
“I don’t freak out. Most of the time I laugh. Stupid dudeness.”
“So there are two themes I see here: emo and AFI. Oh, and some crap about bandanas and potassium. I dunno what that’s about.”
“Blame everyone else. That seems to be the ‘in’ thing right now.”
“Guard the breach! Man the walls! DEFEND THE THESIS!”
“I think we should get Andre to come.”
“Why?”
“Audience.”
“I could have had a more interesting conversation with a brick wall.”
“I probably have had a more interesting conversation with a brick wall.”
“If you could choke on stupid, she would have asphyxiated a while back.”
“So how are you?”
“You didn’t get the hint with the shotgun?”
“What? Why are you jingling? Who gave you permission to jingle?”
“…Wow… Thanks! … From Detroit!”
“So, what? It’s racist porn?”
“No retreat babies!”
“What happened to my napkin?”
“I ate it.”
“Have you ever had one of those days where everything is sticky?”
“What did the Romans use pruning hooks for? To de-bowel their enemies with?”
“Idiocology: the study of idiots.”
“Doug, stop being on crack.”
“That’s like trying to stop a duck from being on your wife.”
“Annie and I are a menage a trois.”
“God’s a skitzo!”
“Did Matt just ask Annie why her pants were off? Or why weren’t her pants off?”
"This car is like Amistad."
"Oh, and while we're here, I don't think we've formerly met."
"Nice to meet you, I'm Justin. Good to have you sitting on me."
"Portable mustard!"
"My two brothers and I can be a whole clan."
"...Only if you're gay..."
30 September 2006
I want to get a mohawk, but Mom won't let me get one.
That's a lie. I couldn't pull off a mohawk. It was just the first lyric that came to mind. But anyway.
It's very strange to look at the mile-long scroll of html code for this site and understand what have of it does. Yeah, I've been checking it out, just for my own purposes.
"Excitement is waking up everyday."
"I'm still here!"
That was my mom and her friend two seconds ago. Just thought you might enjoy that.
This is Margot & The Nuclear So and So's. They make good music. You should listen to it. This is rather Sumner-ish, isn't it? Telling people what music to listen to? Oh well. I think it was an implied thing, telling you all what song the titles were from.
Huh. I'm actually blogging. Go figure. My fingers are cold. I think I've been at the computer too long. Not that that's going to stop me.
It's very strange to look at the mile-long scroll of html code for this site and understand what have of it does. Yeah, I've been checking it out, just for my own purposes.
"Excitement is waking up everyday."
"I'm still here!"
That was my mom and her friend two seconds ago. Just thought you might enjoy that.
This is Margot & The Nuclear So and So's. They make good music. You should listen to it. This is rather Sumner-ish, isn't it? Telling people what music to listen to? Oh well. I think it was an implied thing, telling you all what song the titles were from.
Huh. I'm actually blogging. Go figure. My fingers are cold. I think I've been at the computer too long. Not that that's going to stop me.
29 September 2006
When I woke my body was dyin all over the floor
Today was über fun, kids. Hanging out is always fun. But anyways, this week's been lame with a captial la, and next week isn't looking too good either, despite retreat on Mon/Tuesday and SIL on Friday. I order all you minions to go see it and laugh and be stupefied by how cool we all are. Oh yeah.
Title Source: "Quiet As A Mouse" by Margot & The Nuclear So and So's. Cool name, even cooler album. ^It's an interesting image, isn't it?
“Well, the only reason I’d get a girlfriend is so you can make fun of me.”
“So in summary: Ceri knows nothing and Sumner has no penis?”
“People think I know nothing, but I know stuff. And yes.”
“You are teh smart!”
“If I lose my mind and actually be in a band with Aly, and she makes me plays any Fall Out Boy at all, please hit me and help me kill her.”
“Why would someone be dumb enough to do a classical cover of Fall Out Boy?”
“What the Christ? That is like mental retardation.”
“Aww, how cute, a secret admirer.”
“Yeah, stalker-cute.”
“Don't make fun of my not being able to spell, Mister Miller. Otherwise I'll take back my promise and make fun of your future-having-a-girlfriend-ed-ness.”
“This insane librarian at the library today was telling some story in the kids section about how some guy accidentally gave the library back his porno DVD instead of the DVD it was supposed to be.”
“Man, I feel burdened as the couple of sexual jokes. Can’t someone start going out so you can make fun of them?”
“Your face. And you can’t dance for shit.”
“Drummers are sometimes really fucking ugly.”
“Well I'm not talking about your weird metal bands Ceri”
“Like that guy in yesterday's news”
“MY weird metal bands? And shut up, Scott.”
“I see white people.”
“No, you don’t. Ever.”
“Hey, that’s better than me tonight. So far I’ve been penis-less and ignored.”
“What are your views on cheap prostitution? I think it helps build a unified America.”
“Oh man. Just an ugly family. I wonder if they were ugly babies too.”
SIT= sluts in training
“Fucking libertarian crypto hacker.”
“Fine, you can be an honorary whore.”
“Oh eight is Ho eight!”
“Andy Ragni has a crush on Scott?”
“That’s pretty interesting seeing as they’ve never met.”
“Chris is dating a really hot guy. Apparently, face-meltingly so.”
“No couple-arguing in the chat.”
“Wow SI is gansta.”
“Hey, Davey Havoc did the emo hair before there was even emo.”
“God. He’s such a drag queen.”
“Adam.”
“Ceri.”
“Sphincter.”
“Vaginal intercourse. I win.”
“They can all have their own life. I’m not limiting them.”
“I am.”
“If a vampire is draining someone and they start laughing, will blood come out their nose? And if so, whose blood?”
“My mom heard an interview with Keith Richards and he said he’s giving up drugs!”
“Yeah, he’s a goner.”
“Another band I can’t tell if it’s good or terrible. Jamison Parker. Jamison Covington is hot though. And has a killer name.”
“He’s a little whiny.”
“Like the hair?”
“Yes.”
“Oh? I await with peeled potatoes to hear your offensive chorus of stinging opinion.”
“Peeled potatoes, Kylie?”
“I'm hungry.”
“Death to the monkeys.”
“Completely.”
“And absolutely.”
“Are you doing homework?”
“…Yes.”
“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you do anything but homework.”
“Don’t make fun of me because I do my homework.”
“I see flying bananas.”
“I see flying bandanas. Zero potassium. High in cotton, though I’m not sure it’s nutritional value. Maybe it makes your insides all soft and cushiony.”
“Ceri.”
“Sumner.”
“Life?”
“No.”
“Damn you evil scrunchie of doom!”
“Jesse Helms and Newt Gingrich were shaking hands congratulating themselves on the introduction of an antigay bill in Congress. If it passes, they won't be able to shake hands, because it will then be illegal for a prick to touch an asshole.”
“Emo kids are interesting people to watch.”
“I’ll bet. Like lava lamps.”
“You’re not doing anything… but you’re preoccupied… what, are you looking at porn?”
“Sphincters make everything better.”
“Correct. But what rhymes with sphincter? To the rhyming dictionary!”
“The truth is, it’s my sadistic side: I like to watch them squirm and squeal.”
“Well tell her she's full of potassium! Which does a body good.”
“Sorry. She thinks she's funny a lot. I mean not that she isn't. But sometimes it’s childish... I guess that’s the right word”
“Get your foot out of your mouth kid”
“Huh?”
“You’ve never heard that phrase?”
“I have. Just never understood what it meant.”
“Yeah, it's basically what you just did.”
“Jin.”
“Like fin, only more musical and less emo.”
“We're gonna make a cult that does interpretative dance to tribal music and take over the country.”
“I wanna help!”
“Silly Annie. Trix are for kids. Seriously I'm waiting for that rabbit to crack and then go on a killing rampage and be like, ‘Who's silly now, beeyatch!’ Like ‘You look awful silly with my foot in your face’ and then he round house kicks them.”
“Hopefully Panic! will have to cancel again and reschedule… They won’t.”
“Maybe they will. Get the chloroform.”
“If I get the chloroform, you’ll have to call the police. Because there’s a famous band tied up in my basement.”
“Let’s make a band called the Naked Animal Collective.”
“That would be the ultimate indie band.”
“Plastic is the national… anthem, what?”
“Sumner! No gymnastic abuse!”
“I don’t think our age are supposed to understand life. If they say they do, they’re either stupid and lying or fooling themselves.”
“You’re not appetizing covered in pesto.”
“To a cannibal I am.” [Coincidentally, Gabriel is a cannibal.]
“No. I don’t feed people who jingle.”
“Everyone’s an alcoholic. They just haven’t drunk enough yet.”
“If you plant an acorn, it has the potential to be an oak tree. If you plant a baby…” There is no end of that sentence.
“Stop staring at the hot guy.”
“Wow. I can’t even debate that.”
“Awesome for the music. Not so awesome for the college.”
Title Source: "Quiet As A Mouse" by Margot & The Nuclear So and So's. Cool name, even cooler album. ^It's an interesting image, isn't it?
“Well, the only reason I’d get a girlfriend is so you can make fun of me.”
“So in summary: Ceri knows nothing and Sumner has no penis?”
“People think I know nothing, but I know stuff. And yes.”
“You are teh smart!”
“If I lose my mind and actually be in a band with Aly, and she makes me plays any Fall Out Boy at all, please hit me and help me kill her.”
“Why would someone be dumb enough to do a classical cover of Fall Out Boy?”
“What the Christ? That is like mental retardation.”
“Aww, how cute, a secret admirer.”
“Yeah, stalker-cute.”
“Don't make fun of my not being able to spell, Mister Miller. Otherwise I'll take back my promise and make fun of your future-having-a-girlfriend-ed-ness.”
“This insane librarian at the library today was telling some story in the kids section about how some guy accidentally gave the library back his porno DVD instead of the DVD it was supposed to be.”
“Man, I feel burdened as the couple of sexual jokes. Can’t someone start going out so you can make fun of them?”
“Your face. And you can’t dance for shit.”
“Drummers are sometimes really fucking ugly.”
“Well I'm not talking about your weird metal bands Ceri”
“Like that guy in yesterday's news”
“MY weird metal bands? And shut up, Scott.”
“I see white people.”
“No, you don’t. Ever.”
“Hey, that’s better than me tonight. So far I’ve been penis-less and ignored.”
“What are your views on cheap prostitution? I think it helps build a unified America.”
“Oh man. Just an ugly family. I wonder if they were ugly babies too.”
SIT= sluts in training
“Fucking libertarian crypto hacker.”
“Fine, you can be an honorary whore.”
“Oh eight is Ho eight!”
“Andy Ragni has a crush on Scott?”
“That’s pretty interesting seeing as they’ve never met.”
“Chris is dating a really hot guy. Apparently, face-meltingly so.”
“No couple-arguing in the chat.”
“Wow SI is gansta.”
“Hey, Davey Havoc did the emo hair before there was even emo.”
“God. He’s such a drag queen.”
“Adam.”
“Ceri.”
“Sphincter.”
“Vaginal intercourse. I win.”
“They can all have their own life. I’m not limiting them.”
“I am.”
“If a vampire is draining someone and they start laughing, will blood come out their nose? And if so, whose blood?”
“My mom heard an interview with Keith Richards and he said he’s giving up drugs!”
“Yeah, he’s a goner.”
“Another band I can’t tell if it’s good or terrible. Jamison Parker. Jamison Covington is hot though. And has a killer name.”
“He’s a little whiny.”
“Like the hair?”
“Yes.”
“Oh? I await with peeled potatoes to hear your offensive chorus of stinging opinion.”
“Peeled potatoes, Kylie?”
“I'm hungry.”
“Death to the monkeys.”
“Completely.”
“And absolutely.”
“Are you doing homework?”
“…Yes.”
“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you do anything but homework.”
“Don’t make fun of me because I do my homework.”
“I see flying bananas.”
“I see flying bandanas. Zero potassium. High in cotton, though I’m not sure it’s nutritional value. Maybe it makes your insides all soft and cushiony.”
“Ceri.”
“Sumner.”
“Life?”
“No.”
“Damn you evil scrunchie of doom!”
“Jesse Helms and Newt Gingrich were shaking hands congratulating themselves on the introduction of an antigay bill in Congress. If it passes, they won't be able to shake hands, because it will then be illegal for a prick to touch an asshole.”
“Emo kids are interesting people to watch.”
“I’ll bet. Like lava lamps.”
“You’re not doing anything… but you’re preoccupied… what, are you looking at porn?”
“Sphincters make everything better.”
“Correct. But what rhymes with sphincter? To the rhyming dictionary!”
“The truth is, it’s my sadistic side: I like to watch them squirm and squeal.”
“Well tell her she's full of potassium! Which does a body good.”
“Sorry. She thinks she's funny a lot. I mean not that she isn't. But sometimes it’s childish... I guess that’s the right word”
“Get your foot out of your mouth kid”
“Huh?”
“You’ve never heard that phrase?”
“I have. Just never understood what it meant.”
“Yeah, it's basically what you just did.”
“Jin.”
“Like fin, only more musical and less emo.”
“We're gonna make a cult that does interpretative dance to tribal music and take over the country.”
“I wanna help!”
“Silly Annie. Trix are for kids. Seriously I'm waiting for that rabbit to crack and then go on a killing rampage and be like, ‘Who's silly now, beeyatch!’ Like ‘You look awful silly with my foot in your face’ and then he round house kicks them.”
“Hopefully Panic! will have to cancel again and reschedule… They won’t.”
“Maybe they will. Get the chloroform.”
“If I get the chloroform, you’ll have to call the police. Because there’s a famous band tied up in my basement.”
“Let’s make a band called the Naked Animal Collective.”
“That would be the ultimate indie band.”
“Plastic is the national… anthem, what?”
“Sumner! No gymnastic abuse!”
“I don’t think our age are supposed to understand life. If they say they do, they’re either stupid and lying or fooling themselves.”
“You’re not appetizing covered in pesto.”
“To a cannibal I am.” [Coincidentally, Gabriel is a cannibal.]
“No. I don’t feed people who jingle.”
“Everyone’s an alcoholic. They just haven’t drunk enough yet.”
“If you plant an acorn, it has the potential to be an oak tree. If you plant a baby…” There is no end of that sentence.
“Stop staring at the hot guy.”
“Wow. I can’t even debate that.”
“Awesome for the music. Not so awesome for the college.”
22 September 2006
This I must remember when the sirens call to me.
Well that was the first time I was late for a post. Oh well. It's not like anyone cares. Okay, um... go SI football? Yeah. And yes, we are a Midwest high school, Jack. After the football game we all go down to the burger joint and sit in the back of our friend's truck, listening to tunes. Damn straight.
Title Source: "Calling" by Tiger Army. Surprisingly good band.
“What would be an appropriate age?”
“For groping manikins? With or without it being overtly hilarious?”
“You being twins with anyone?”
“Nope. I have enough alternative-reality me’s in my head.”
“Haha. You know I meant for the theme.”
“I know, but I was serious.”
“Man, I wish my personality were a word document uploadable into my identity. That way I could rewrite it.”
“And you could give yourself awesome powers.”
“Exactly!”
“No stabbing in restaurants!”
“New Jersey is lame.”
“I was born in New Jersey.”
“New Jersey is LAME.”
“Kyo’s cute in a ‘I wanna rub your tummy and play with you’ kind of way.”
“Well so’s Davey [Havoc].”
“What’s the difference between Sunday and Monday?”
“Twenty-four hours and three letters.”
“The separation of Ceri and Annie is needed for the growth of a secular society!”
“It’s days like today that make me want to take up kickboxing.”
"If we don't eat the irreversibly comatose, we shouldn't eat chickens."
“I look like a milkmaid.”
“Got cookies? I know you do…”
“And bandanas don’t have potassium.”
“Felattio [fel-at-tee-o] is a language. It’s a romance language.”
“Write that down!”
“What, that beanie babies don’t have souls?”
“You can smack me.”
“Andre, that’s a little creepy.”
“For sale: one wife. Slightly used.”
“I like my viruses like I like my women… with viruses!”
“They have something other than Mormons in Utah?”
“Keep your gentleman bits under wraps.”
“Tight pants + commando = NO.”
“Hey. Anything is a dance song is you dances.”
“You’re smarter than a zucchini.”
“Goodnight and farewell to shleepibyes.”
“Shame on you for not knowing what pudding is!”
“I like epic nothing.”
“Can I turn around now?”
“That’s what she said.”
“Yes, Holyfuck Green is now a colour.”
“…Were you just speaking Cantonese?”
“You know, if I didn’t hate people so much, I’d make a good secretary.”
"Our arguements are kind of like a heart right before someone dies in the hospital: the rate goes up and up and up until it just flatlines." [A good analogy, no?]
EMOFINE!
Title Source: "Calling" by Tiger Army. Surprisingly good band.
“What would be an appropriate age?”
“For groping manikins? With or without it being overtly hilarious?”
“You being twins with anyone?”
“Nope. I have enough alternative-reality me’s in my head.”
“Haha. You know I meant for the theme.”
“I know, but I was serious.”
“Man, I wish my personality were a word document uploadable into my identity. That way I could rewrite it.”
“And you could give yourself awesome powers.”
“Exactly!”
“No stabbing in restaurants!”
“New Jersey is lame.”
“I was born in New Jersey.”
“New Jersey is LAME.”
“Kyo’s cute in a ‘I wanna rub your tummy and play with you’ kind of way.”
“Well so’s Davey [Havoc].”
“What’s the difference between Sunday and Monday?”
“Twenty-four hours and three letters.”
“The separation of Ceri and Annie is needed for the growth of a secular society!”
“It’s days like today that make me want to take up kickboxing.”
"If we don't eat the irreversibly comatose, we shouldn't eat chickens."
“I look like a milkmaid.”
“Got cookies? I know you do…”
“And bandanas don’t have potassium.”
“Felattio [fel-at-tee-o] is a language. It’s a romance language.”
“Write that down!”
“What, that beanie babies don’t have souls?”
“You can smack me.”
“Andre, that’s a little creepy.”
“For sale: one wife. Slightly used.”
“I like my viruses like I like my women… with viruses!”
“They have something other than Mormons in Utah?”
“Keep your gentleman bits under wraps.”
“Tight pants + commando = NO.”
“Hey. Anything is a dance song is you dances.”
“You’re smarter than a zucchini.”
“Goodnight and farewell to shleepibyes.”
“Shame on you for not knowing what pudding is!”
“I like epic nothing.”
“Can I turn around now?”
“That’s what she said.”
“Yes, Holyfuck Green is now a colour.”
“…Were you just speaking Cantonese?”
“You know, if I didn’t hate people so much, I’d make a good secretary.”
"Our arguements are kind of like a heart right before someone dies in the hospital: the rate goes up and up and up until it just flatlines." [A good analogy, no?]
EMOFINE!
15 September 2006
Oh, oh goddammit, I think i've lost it.
I say a lot of dumb things. My friends say a lot of dumb things. Most people probably think my inner hair colour is blonde. Part of me wants to go Johnny the Homicidal Maniac on these people. If you've never heard of Johnny the Homicidal Maniac, you're probably better off. Speaking of comics, go read Questionable Content. I've read 600+ strips in a day and a half. My eyes hurts.
Title Source: "Oh Goddammit" by Hot Hot Heat. Guess who forgot to find a title.
"Your pit got moshed"
"Mmm... homoerotic. My favourite cereal!"
"'Do you want Cheerio’s?' 'No, I want Cheeri-ho's!'"
"Leave this. Look at my ass."
[shouted at top of lungs] "I like jam! Especially strawberry!" [Yelling random things, whether in the corridors or at concerts, is SO fun.]
"this is like 'Where's Waldo?' only way fucking harder."
"Jade is god. one of many."
"Davey Havoc is like Jesus walking on water, only on people."
"Jesus was badass when he was a kid."
"Anything else, hos?"
“I think I’m wearing more of other people’s sweat than my own.”
“+6 for sheer irony.”
“You rock my socks!”
“You rock my shoelaces!”
“You rock EVERYTHING!”
“Do you know any drummers?”
“Yes.”
“Who aren’t in bands?”
“…Damn, err, no.”
“…I think Warcraft is a conspiracy.”
“Those hippos are always up to something.”
“Rack this one up on the list of songs someone will never write about me.”
“Clearly I have inhaled too much smoke. I hear colours.”
“In a way, I want to shoot whoever wrote this song.”
“Wait. Buttsex is the sum of all real numbers?”
“Yeah, Jack went through a douche.”
“I miss Scott. He was moderately sane.”
“Yeah.” [sad face]
“That’s really sad.”
“One of you can’t type, one of you uses exclamation points, and one of you has singing orgasms. I’ll leave it to you to figure out which.”
“Actually, and I read this, AFI stands for Giant death trolls preying on small French Children.”
“Jack, stop listening to yourself play.”
“Who got Taoism?”
“I don’t know. I don’t care. They probably deserved it.”
“Emo Mike Cereal; warning: may cause depression, high blood pressure, and a strong urge to write bad poetry.”
“And the urge to save girls from mosh pits.”
“Well, you’re a pirate.”
“So? Least I’m a sexy pirate.”
“So I'm almost-cool ‘cos I want to, but I’m not fully cool cuz I prefer to erg within an inch of my life than to hang with cool people.”
“Nothing like your parents talking about money to kill a good mood.”
“Well, too bad math teachers are so attracted to each other, rather than teachers and presidents of huge businesses.”
“Do you think Andre would believe me if I said impotent means you don't smell bad?”
“Maybe. Why?”
“Same old same old. Your dad wanted to skewer his head with a javelin- questions.”
[burp] “Wow.”
“That’s what she said.”
“Hey, can you get up?”
“Your mom got up last night… but then she got back down.”
“I love the subliminal scary faces.”
“Didn’t see those!”
“That’s what you want you to think.”
“Watching you die is always entertaining. I mean that in the nicest way.”
“Satan? Oh, it’s just you, Ceri.”
“Yes, Annie. Omg you dead.”
“Dude.”
“That’s me.”
“Are you on E or something? Like, conversation E?”
“You know what's funny? Imagine a hobag. Now imagine a hoe. Now imagine a bag. Now imagine a hoe with a bag on the end. It looks like a giant penis. Basically.”
“Feh. He ran away. Probably due to my +9 WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION!”
“You’re a dork, Ian.”
“I’m not geeky. I’m multi-classes geek.”
“Shut your sarcasm hole, Indie McEmopants. It was no such thing.”
“I mean, if MY boyfriend [coughcompletelyhypotheticalnevergoingtohappencough] said his heart hurts, in a completely not metaphorical emo way, I wouldn't rush him off to the doctor. Nope, not at all.”
“I love my guitar. Like, seriously LOVE it.”
“Then why don’t you MARRY it?!”
“Maybe I will.”
“Okay cool.”
“You’re invited to the wedding. It’s in December.”
“Okay. Wow guess what. For a minute I thought there was an actual wedding I was invited to. I got excited. But then… No.”
“Your liar liar pants on fire is showing again.”
“You're not. You're a lying candywhore. The candy is the most important part. And in front of that there's an invisible ‘adorable, highly-amusing’.”
“Ozma is pretty perky is you don’t listen to the lyrics.”
“Operation: get peeps to hang out during dance time is now go. You have your orders. Good luck agent.”
“Oh, and I’m sorry I chucked a Clifbar at you earlier and hit you in the face.”
“Hip gyration=AFI. Or Davey Havoc anyway.”
“I would suggest she and I start a club, but people would nickname it the emo club, so no.”
“Your emosity paired with the overwhelming want to beat the shit out of something/ experience serious bodily harm makes for an interesting combination.”
“No, I’m most definitely loony. And this make me undateable because I offer up the crazy hot and piping fresh when people meet me.”
“I dunno why, but sarcastic people usually have an accurate view of the world and people.”
“English papers suck… and who DOES check if nuns wear underwear?”
“God.”
“There’s a fine line between dumb and evil.”
“Melissa likes manwiches.”
“No, she likes men…covered in bread.”
“I can see KQ walking around with a human protractor. His brain is a human protractor.”
“Can you say quoted!”
“…No.”
“I can! ‘Quoted’!”
“I just realised you’re not as funny as I thought you were.”
“Don’t think about me when people are licking you!”
“I have only two first cousins.”
“But one of them doesn’t count because he’s a meth head.”
[laughs] “Oh, that is alarmingly close to the truth.”
“You got breasts X-rayed all over your jacket!”
“By Jove! It’s a boob!”
Things I did today (all true):
-went to school
-yelled random stuff in the halls
-walked 11 blocks to lunch
-threatened several lives in disturbingly amusing ways
-got stared at by an emo kid
-got checked out by construction workers
-fell victim to the superstition of the first to leave a table of 13 will die [But as you can see, I'm alive. Let's not hope for a car wreck.]
-passed out in the car
-came home to a yellow motorcycle in my driveway [I love Alex's bike.]
-was surprised when Gabriel and Emily appeared at my house with no one else here.
Title Source: "Oh Goddammit" by Hot Hot Heat. Guess who forgot to find a title.
"Your pit got moshed"
"Mmm... homoerotic. My favourite cereal!"
"'Do you want Cheerio’s?' 'No, I want Cheeri-ho's!'"
"Leave this. Look at my ass."
[shouted at top of lungs] "I like jam! Especially strawberry!" [Yelling random things, whether in the corridors or at concerts, is SO fun.]
"this is like 'Where's Waldo?' only way fucking harder."
"Jade is god. one of many."
"Davey Havoc is like Jesus walking on water, only on people."
"Jesus was badass when he was a kid."
"Anything else, hos?"
“I think I’m wearing more of other people’s sweat than my own.”
“+6 for sheer irony.”
“You rock my socks!”
“You rock my shoelaces!”
“You rock EVERYTHING!”
“Do you know any drummers?”
“Yes.”
“Who aren’t in bands?”
“…Damn, err, no.”
“…I think Warcraft is a conspiracy.”
“Those hippos are always up to something.”
“Rack this one up on the list of songs someone will never write about me.”
“Clearly I have inhaled too much smoke. I hear colours.”
“In a way, I want to shoot whoever wrote this song.”
“Wait. Buttsex is the sum of all real numbers?”
“Yeah, Jack went through a douche.”
“I miss Scott. He was moderately sane.”
“Yeah.” [sad face]
“That’s really sad.”
“One of you can’t type, one of you uses exclamation points, and one of you has singing orgasms. I’ll leave it to you to figure out which.”
“Actually, and I read this, AFI stands for Giant death trolls preying on small French Children.”
“Jack, stop listening to yourself play.”
“Who got Taoism?”
“I don’t know. I don’t care. They probably deserved it.”
“Emo Mike Cereal; warning: may cause depression, high blood pressure, and a strong urge to write bad poetry.”
“And the urge to save girls from mosh pits.”
“Well, you’re a pirate.”
“So? Least I’m a sexy pirate.”
“So I'm almost-cool ‘cos I want to, but I’m not fully cool cuz I prefer to erg within an inch of my life than to hang with cool people.”
“Nothing like your parents talking about money to kill a good mood.”
“Well, too bad math teachers are so attracted to each other, rather than teachers and presidents of huge businesses.”
“Do you think Andre would believe me if I said impotent means you don't smell bad?”
“Maybe. Why?”
“Same old same old. Your dad wanted to skewer his head with a javelin- questions.”
[burp] “Wow.”
“That’s what she said.”
“Hey, can you get up?”
“Your mom got up last night… but then she got back down.”
“I love the subliminal scary faces.”
“Didn’t see those!”
“That’s what you want you to think.”
“Watching you die is always entertaining. I mean that in the nicest way.”
“Satan? Oh, it’s just you, Ceri.”
“Yes, Annie. Omg you dead.”
“Dude.”
“That’s me.”
“Are you on E or something? Like, conversation E?”
“You know what's funny? Imagine a hobag. Now imagine a hoe. Now imagine a bag. Now imagine a hoe with a bag on the end. It looks like a giant penis. Basically.”
“Feh. He ran away. Probably due to my +9 WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION!”
“You’re a dork, Ian.”
“I’m not geeky. I’m multi-classes geek.”
“Shut your sarcasm hole, Indie McEmopants. It was no such thing.”
“I mean, if MY boyfriend [coughcompletelyhypotheticalnevergoingtohappencough] said his heart hurts, in a completely not metaphorical emo way, I wouldn't rush him off to the doctor. Nope, not at all.”
“I love my guitar. Like, seriously LOVE it.”
“Then why don’t you MARRY it?!”
“Maybe I will.”
“Okay cool.”
“You’re invited to the wedding. It’s in December.”
“Okay. Wow guess what. For a minute I thought there was an actual wedding I was invited to. I got excited. But then… No.”
“Your liar liar pants on fire is showing again.”
“You're not. You're a lying candywhore. The candy is the most important part. And in front of that there's an invisible ‘adorable, highly-amusing’.”
“Ozma is pretty perky is you don’t listen to the lyrics.”
“Operation: get peeps to hang out during dance time is now go. You have your orders. Good luck agent.”
“Oh, and I’m sorry I chucked a Clifbar at you earlier and hit you in the face.”
“Hip gyration=AFI. Or Davey Havoc anyway.”
“I would suggest she and I start a club, but people would nickname it the emo club, so no.”
“Your emosity paired with the overwhelming want to beat the shit out of something/ experience serious bodily harm makes for an interesting combination.”
“No, I’m most definitely loony. And this make me undateable because I offer up the crazy hot and piping fresh when people meet me.”
“I dunno why, but sarcastic people usually have an accurate view of the world and people.”
“English papers suck… and who DOES check if nuns wear underwear?”
“God.”
“There’s a fine line between dumb and evil.”
“Melissa likes manwiches.”
“No, she likes men…covered in bread.”
“I can see KQ walking around with a human protractor. His brain is a human protractor.”
“Can you say quoted!”
“…No.”
“I can! ‘Quoted’!”
“I just realised you’re not as funny as I thought you were.”
“Don’t think about me when people are licking you!”
“I have only two first cousins.”
“But one of them doesn’t count because he’s a meth head.”
[laughs] “Oh, that is alarmingly close to the truth.”
“You got breasts X-rayed all over your jacket!”
“By Jove! It’s a boob!”
Things I did today (all true):
-went to school
-yelled random stuff in the halls
-walked 11 blocks to lunch
-threatened several lives in disturbingly amusing ways
-got stared at by an emo kid
-got checked out by construction workers
-fell victim to the superstition of the first to leave a table of 13 will die [But as you can see, I'm alive. Let's not hope for a car wreck.]
-passed out in the car
-came home to a yellow motorcycle in my driveway [I love Alex's bike.]
-was surprised when Gabriel and Emily appeared at my house with no one else here.
10 September 2006
I'm about as close to making sense as I'm ever going to get.
Hey, woah. Post on a Sunday! Well, after last night I think everyone deserves to hear the story. The AFI concert was flipping AWESOME. I got the biggest chills when they came on, and the lights were moving over all the people, and I thought, "I want to do this. THIS is exactly what I want to do." But besides that little ditty, it's easiest to explain with the damage control.
Mel: bruised, swollen knee, kick to head, kick to face, stepped on, had to humiliating hold ceri's hand like a child, ate ceri's hair
Siobhan: kick to back of the skull, crazy bruise thing on arm, bruises on shins, walked over in middle of mosh pit [emo mike enters], face used as pushboard for crowd surfing, compressed with two other people into 1-foot square, lost periferal vision, smelled like pot and beer for at least half an hour, cut due to desimated bra, separated from group, hearing reduced to echo in left ear, disalined back
http://www.blogger.com/img/gl.link.gif
Ceri: kick to head, head used as landing by crowdsurfer, bruise on left elbow, had to deal with Mel the N00b for two hours, lost left shoe in pit twice, had to walk shoeless for a while, humiliation due to informing two girl I'm their boyfriend, crushed foot, bruise on lower back, probably bruises everywhere, got belt caught on other girl's pants, friction burn from other people and necklace chain, possibly broken toe
all: crushed, smushed, moshed, deafened, muted, drenched, molested, covered in more people's sweat than our own, hair yanked constantly
Mosh pits are crazy... and so very fun... so long as you aren't five feet tall. Sorry Mel.
Shabangbang also wanted me to post an apology for misspelling her name. So yeah... but for ever more hilarity which I HIGHLY encourage you to read, read this.
http://www.quizilla.com/users/TheAntihero/quizzes/The%20Best%20%5BEmo%5D%20Story%20Ever/
Mel: bruised, swollen knee, kick to head, kick to face, stepped on, had to humiliating hold ceri's hand like a child, ate ceri's hair
Siobhan: kick to back of the skull, crazy bruise thing on arm, bruises on shins, walked over in middle of mosh pit [emo mike enters], face used as pushboard for crowd surfing, compressed with two other people into 1-foot square, lost periferal vision, smelled like pot and beer for at least half an hour, cut due to desimated bra, separated from group, hearing reduced to echo in left ear, disalined back
http://www.blogger.com/img/gl.link.gif
Ceri: kick to head, head used as landing by crowdsurfer, bruise on left elbow, had to deal with Mel the N00b for two hours, lost left shoe in pit twice, had to walk shoeless for a while, humiliation due to informing two girl I'm their boyfriend, crushed foot, bruise on lower back, probably bruises everywhere, got belt caught on other girl's pants, friction burn from other people and necklace chain, possibly broken toe
all: crushed, smushed, moshed, deafened, muted, drenched, molested, covered in more people's sweat than our own, hair yanked constantly
Mosh pits are crazy... and so very fun... so long as you aren't five feet tall. Sorry Mel.
Shabangbang also wanted me to post an apology for misspelling her name. So yeah... but for ever more hilarity which I HIGHLY encourage you to read, read this.
http://www.quizilla.com/users/TheAntihero/quizzes/The%20Best%20%5BEmo%5D%20Story%20Ever/
08 September 2006
Lean against the night and laugh/ As I try to scale the wall/ Ignored futility fills the air/ You're only there to watch me fall
I'm so freakin' excited about tomorrow. Shebangbang, Mel, and I are going to see AFI at Bill Graham. It's gonna rock. Today was pretty awesome too: got out before noon and hung out with peeps. Tres cool, and I'm not talking about the drummer.
Title Source: "Clove Smoke Cartharsis" by AFI. They'll never play this song.
[looks at Mom ironing purificators (church thingies)] “Oh God, I remember those.”
“Yayayayayay! Lemme Czech.”
“I do believe I just saw a faerie.”
“What kind?”
“The long, thin, white floaty kind.”
“My brother just now: ‘I feel like a bean. A small white bean.’ Fucking addict. Crack anyone?”
“Re ‘Brandon Flowers has a Burt Reynolds mustache.’: The only proper response is ‘No, Burt Reynolds has a Brandon Flowers mustache’.”
Sumner: “Hey, can I have Annie’s cell number? I don’t have my phone.”
Ceri: [dies laughing]
Sumner: Cmon, cmon.
Ceri: [gives Annie’s number] Do you have any idea how hilariously sad that is?”
“Wow. Maybe I’m secretly Canadian.”
“On that note– C sharp minor– I’m off to bed.”
“Who do I hate more than anyone else in the world? Well, besides Kate Moss.”
“I had a dream that you and your brother volunteered to be martyrs.”
“Why would we do that?”
“Why am I everyone’s fucking boyfriend?!”
“Stupid conscience. Always getting in my way.”
“What else would you expect a teenager to be out doing at 9:30?”
“Clubbing? Whoring? Coke? Pot? Vodka? Heroin? All of the above?”
“I need so much brainwashing in that department.”
“Why? Because hanging out is rad.”
“Sliff.”
“Clever.”
“I am… bic pentameter.”
“We need to see Panic! in December.”
“Who’s bringing the maple syrup?”
“Why not? It was so fun. Except for the pornographic part.”
“Are you naturally this way or do you have help?”
“You know you have weird friends when you’re talking to one of them and can’t figure out whether they’re high or just being more eccentric than usual.”
“Why would someone be so evil as to deprive you of waffles?”
Define anxiety: realizing that your Physics teacher failed Arithmatic 101.
“I hate declining things a lot.”
“Your questions make Jesus cry.”
“He’s telling you to assrape the baby!”
“What day is it?”
“October.”
“Shut up! You and your logic. It’s the… work of… the devil.”
“Pirates of the Caribbean Cereal: Free pirate with proof of purchase. Pegleg not included.”
“Is she telling us to be lesbians?”
[burp] “Blue!”
“Seven!”
“Adam, stop molesting the panties!”
"Touch my hair and I will bite off your fingers and eat them!"
And my personal favourite:
“Come hither, fair strumpet. That means you, Ian.”
Title Source: "Clove Smoke Cartharsis" by AFI. They'll never play this song.
[looks at Mom ironing purificators (church thingies)] “Oh God, I remember those.”
“Yayayayayay! Lemme Czech.”
“I do believe I just saw a faerie.”
“What kind?”
“The long, thin, white floaty kind.”
“My brother just now: ‘I feel like a bean. A small white bean.’ Fucking addict. Crack anyone?”
“Re ‘Brandon Flowers has a Burt Reynolds mustache.’: The only proper response is ‘No, Burt Reynolds has a Brandon Flowers mustache’.”
Sumner: “Hey, can I have Annie’s cell number? I don’t have my phone.”
Ceri: [dies laughing]
Sumner: Cmon, cmon.
Ceri: [gives Annie’s number] Do you have any idea how hilariously sad that is?”
“Wow. Maybe I’m secretly Canadian.”
“On that note– C sharp minor– I’m off to bed.”
“Who do I hate more than anyone else in the world? Well, besides Kate Moss.”
“I had a dream that you and your brother volunteered to be martyrs.”
“Why would we do that?”
“Why am I everyone’s fucking boyfriend?!”
“Stupid conscience. Always getting in my way.”
“What else would you expect a teenager to be out doing at 9:30?”
“Clubbing? Whoring? Coke? Pot? Vodka? Heroin? All of the above?”
“I need so much brainwashing in that department.”
“Why? Because hanging out is rad.”
“Sliff.”
“Clever.”
“I am… bic pentameter.”
“We need to see Panic! in December.”
“Who’s bringing the maple syrup?”
“Why not? It was so fun. Except for the pornographic part.”
“Are you naturally this way or do you have help?”
“You know you have weird friends when you’re talking to one of them and can’t figure out whether they’re high or just being more eccentric than usual.”
“Why would someone be so evil as to deprive you of waffles?”
Define anxiety: realizing that your Physics teacher failed Arithmatic 101.
“I hate declining things a lot.”
“Your questions make Jesus cry.”
“He’s telling you to assrape the baby!”
“What day is it?”
“October.”
“Shut up! You and your logic. It’s the… work of… the devil.”
“Pirates of the Caribbean Cereal: Free pirate with proof of purchase. Pegleg not included.”
“Is she telling us to be lesbians?”
[burp] “Blue!”
“Seven!”
“Adam, stop molesting the panties!”
"Touch my hair and I will bite off your fingers and eat them!"
And my personal favourite:
“Come hither, fair strumpet. That means you, Ian.”
01 September 2006
Sure we'll die young. All the greats do.
It seems like this week has lasted forever. Doing everything after three months of doing nothing tends to do that. Sunday was so much fun, guys, and I look forward to that video, Banana. I probably missed some good quotes today, but I bought a CD, so it's all good.
Title Source: "Die Young" by River City Rebels. ~For those who touched my life, thank you and I love you so.~
“The sun never sets on being badass.”
“Spliggity.”
“...spliggity?”
“Why not? It’s like ham cheese and waffles, watching porn, with all there syrup and grease; the sound it makes when it blarges together when they have sex. Spliggity.”
“...Um. Right.”
“Made sense in my mind.”
“I'm sure it did.”
“You dig? Like whipped cream gushing into a toilet. Wait, no.”
“Wait, what? That does not make sense.”
“That is supposed to mean exactly what it said. No symbols or hidden meanings.”
“Jesus wanted me to go commando.”
“Because the devil wears panties. Not Prada.”
“You know what’s fun? Watching Mormon people on caffeine.”
“How many fingers am I holding up?”
“The Asian ones.”
“I’m becoming a psychologically ‘fascinating’ person, but I want to be a well-balanced breakfast. I mean person.”
[laughs] “Oh, you and your breakfast cereal jokes. They’re grrrrrrreat!”
“I also like to point out the obvious in conversations like these.”
“Obviously.”
“…See!?”
“Wow I'm so cool. I'm a techie Mac lover rocker ghetto as mofo sexy diva chick from Cali.”
“It’s gotta happen. Everything happens once.”
“It’s like winter’s breath on your face.”
“Only in August.”
“It’s only figurative rape.”
“Well, fuck them.”
“With a rusty pipe!”
“You guys are like my Vicodin. Makes me drowsy and forget the pain.”
“Hey!”
“Drowsy in a good way. Like taking ecstasy drowsy. Why am I making all these drug references?”
“It’s just a third degree burn, but whatevs.”
“Brandon Flowers has a Burt Reynolds mustache.”
“Lots of people don’t like them, but I love them.”
“What, bombs?”
“What homework did I not do?”
“The eternal question.”
“You smell like camp!”
“You’re a morally bad dog!”
“Why does P Diddy need a spokesperson?”
“Because he’s fucking rich. Or maybe he’s sick or something.”
“Maybe he became a mime, that'd be awesome and save us from lots of pain. Not the fun kind of mime, the creepy I’ll beat the crap out of you and fuck ya ho's, kind of mime.”
“My mom has smoked cigars.”
“Man, I used to like Fergie. Now she’s a hip hop whore.”
“Oh, and the best thing I heard was that they’re coming out with Fall Out Boy dolls. Can anyone say pre-made voodoo dolls?”
“yeah, its a shame that they can't change their music, fans, Aly, and everything. That’d be nice.”
“So basically, not be Fall Out Boy?”
“Yes.”
“What was with the high-pitched voice? Did Justin Timberlake become a eunuch?”
“Yes. Yes, he is.”
“Did they say Axel Rose? Why the fuck is Axel Rose there?”
“Pyro!”
“Flame retardant suit.”
“Eminem hasn’t done shit recently.”
“There is a god!”
“Lou Reed in singing with the Raconteurs.”
“That’s weird.”
“I have no fucking clue. Jack White is attractive in a strange way.”
“Yeah, I know what you mean. In that strange way, he really is.”
“I beg to differ. She’s bringing sexy back?”
“Nope, because Ryan Ross already did that.”
“Yes he did. But don’t forget about Ville Valo. And he was around before Ryan, but Ryan reaffirmed it in the last year.”
James Blunt: “And I’ll race you to the bar!”
“its what V would do if he was standing up for copper instead of humanity. Hence the masks.”
“I have a secret. I’m secretly in the gangsta closet. And I love Taboo from the Black Eyed Peas.”
“Frolicking, fornicating, same thing.”
And I would like to now be a dork and ask that you either email me or comment telling me what you think this means:
“Hey, can I poke your butter?”
Title Source: "Die Young" by River City Rebels. ~For those who touched my life, thank you and I love you so.~
“The sun never sets on being badass.”
“Spliggity.”
“...spliggity?”
“Why not? It’s like ham cheese and waffles, watching porn, with all there syrup and grease; the sound it makes when it blarges together when they have sex. Spliggity.”
“...Um. Right.”
“Made sense in my mind.”
“I'm sure it did.”
“You dig? Like whipped cream gushing into a toilet. Wait, no.”
“Wait, what? That does not make sense.”
“That is supposed to mean exactly what it said. No symbols or hidden meanings.”
“Jesus wanted me to go commando.”
“Because the devil wears panties. Not Prada.”
“You know what’s fun? Watching Mormon people on caffeine.”
“How many fingers am I holding up?”
“The Asian ones.”
“I’m becoming a psychologically ‘fascinating’ person, but I want to be a well-balanced breakfast. I mean person.”
[laughs] “Oh, you and your breakfast cereal jokes. They’re grrrrrrreat!”
“I also like to point out the obvious in conversations like these.”
“Obviously.”
“…See!?”
“Wow I'm so cool. I'm a techie Mac lover rocker ghetto as mofo sexy diva chick from Cali.”
“It’s gotta happen. Everything happens once.”
“It’s like winter’s breath on your face.”
“Only in August.”
“It’s only figurative rape.”
“Well, fuck them.”
“With a rusty pipe!”
“You guys are like my Vicodin. Makes me drowsy and forget the pain.”
“Hey!”
“Drowsy in a good way. Like taking ecstasy drowsy. Why am I making all these drug references?”
“It’s just a third degree burn, but whatevs.”
“Brandon Flowers has a Burt Reynolds mustache.”
“Lots of people don’t like them, but I love them.”
“What, bombs?”
“What homework did I not do?”
“The eternal question.”
“You smell like camp!”
“You’re a morally bad dog!”
“Why does P Diddy need a spokesperson?”
“Because he’s fucking rich. Or maybe he’s sick or something.”
“Maybe he became a mime, that'd be awesome and save us from lots of pain. Not the fun kind of mime, the creepy I’ll beat the crap out of you and fuck ya ho's, kind of mime.”
“My mom has smoked cigars.”
“Man, I used to like Fergie. Now she’s a hip hop whore.”
“Oh, and the best thing I heard was that they’re coming out with Fall Out Boy dolls. Can anyone say pre-made voodoo dolls?”
“yeah, its a shame that they can't change their music, fans, Aly, and everything. That’d be nice.”
“So basically, not be Fall Out Boy?”
“Yes.”
“What was with the high-pitched voice? Did Justin Timberlake become a eunuch?”
“Yes. Yes, he is.”
“Did they say Axel Rose? Why the fuck is Axel Rose there?”
“Pyro!”
“Flame retardant suit.”
“Eminem hasn’t done shit recently.”
“There is a god!”
“Lou Reed in singing with the Raconteurs.”
“That’s weird.”
“I have no fucking clue. Jack White is attractive in a strange way.”
“Yeah, I know what you mean. In that strange way, he really is.”
“I beg to differ. She’s bringing sexy back?”
“Nope, because Ryan Ross already did that.”
“Yes he did. But don’t forget about Ville Valo. And he was around before Ryan, but Ryan reaffirmed it in the last year.”
James Blunt: “And I’ll race you to the bar!”
“its what V would do if he was standing up for copper instead of humanity. Hence the masks.”
“I have a secret. I’m secretly in the gangsta closet. And I love Taboo from the Black Eyed Peas.”
“Frolicking, fornicating, same thing.”
And I would like to now be a dork and ask that you either email me or comment telling me what you think this means:
“Hey, can I poke your butter?”
25 August 2006
Kill off this thinking. It's starting to sink in.
Gah. Today was the first day of classes, and I'm TIRED. Some of my teachers are really cool, but some of them are crazy. In the bad way. I'm not looking forward to AP History. I really don't like History, and the AP makes it that much worse. I'll keep you posted on my killin-it-ness.
Title Source: "Attack" by 30 Seconds to Mars. I've become addicted to this album. It's like heroin for my eardrums.
“Do you realise we’re talking about my dishwasher?”
“Yeah I know. What else should we talk about?”
“I don’t know. My dishwasher is pretty much the most interesting thing in the world.”
“A microcosm of civilization itself.”
“Bachelor #3, I don't like bachelor #2 because on our first date, he's going to kiss other men.”
“I quote people. You obviously missed the memo.”
“Chivalry is dead. We should have a funeral for it with knights and dress up in gowns. It will be a proper burial.”
“Because when I think Annie, I think fly.”
“Of course your do. I’m a bird, baby. Ew, but not in the Nelly Furtado way.” [shudder]
“What does Snoop Dogg use an umbrella for?”
“…What?”
“For drizzle!”
“I think he looks like Spock in the alternate universe episode.”
“The CIA actually used vampire mythology to fight Philippine communist groups in the 70s. They'd capture guerillas, drain their blood, leave them to be found, and then spread rumors about Aswang (Philippine vampires) attacking communists.”
“Mutant grass or crappy concrete: you choose.”
“The world is my male whore house. I mean oyster.”
“You look like Ceri, and Ceri is cool.”
“No prob.”
“Bob.”
“Steve?”
“Joe?”
“Hey, there’s Madison.”
“Guilty shmilty, eat the damn cookie.”
“My mind yesterday was, like… filter-process-sex.”
“So what are you writing?”
“A story.”
“I’m guessing it excludes unicorns and PCP.”
“I wish I had a unicorn. Then I could skewer my enemies on impact.”
“You call thinking big blonde pussies are hot not sad?!?!”
“…Think about that statement.”
“I bet you were badass when you were younger. Be all like… Y7, fuck that.”
“Yes, I’ve established your church. Our policy: be wicked awesome and sacrifice the unworthy. Thus sayeth the Ceri.”
“Actually considering SI, the Starbucks change makes more sense, which is saddening.”
“Starbucks is evil. But I can’t exactly be stubborn just because I am against the uniformization of our youth by corporate America.”
“You can no longer be a Cassandra; now you instead be a satirical, vengeful observer.”
“I doubt any of them will reconsider. That stuff is mind control.”
“Items set in ‘Me’ generally have trait ‘good.’”
“If Ryan Ross were a bass [guitar], this would be it.”
“That’s one sexy fish.”
“If fish could be sexy, Ryan’s would be.”
“I wonder how you’re going to react when you’re having sex, when you laugh in the guy’s face.”
“If he’s a keeper, he’ll already know and laugh about it and or think it’s cute slash endearing.”
“I’m sorry, did I miss a chuck of my life when we dated?”
“There’s not a smiley that expresses my ‘what the fuck are you on’ look.”
“I think there’s something in my water.”
“Does it wriggle?”
“No, but it makes me feel like I can fly.”
“So you’re telling me that inside you’re a tall, hot gay man who’s in love with Brendon Urie?”
“More or less.”
“Nice.”
“So once upon a time, the Yosemite Group comprised of Anne Marie, her cousins, her aunts, her uncles, grandmother, grandfather, brothers, parents, great uncles, random old peoples, and a family taht is friends of the entire group, were in Yosemite. the children and a few parents were on the bus to head back from happy isles back to housekeeping. However, a travesty occurred! The bus was quite overflowing with many a smelly and/or good looking passenger, The little ones were forced to spread themselves out and find whatever seat they may. Katie sat in the front, jeffrey and monica near the middle, annie and kimmy in the middle back, and david, kevin, and jack in the backmost seat. the children decided to cheer up the grumbling parents and started to spread the message of "Increase the peace!!" annie heard her cousins yelling such a joyous phrase and wanted in on the fun. however, soon it was very quiet
the perfect opportunity! she thought. everyone can hear my happy proclamation! and the exuberant little child shouted "INCREASE THE PEACE!!!!" [silence] and from the front of the bus, each passenger heard a muffled phrase uttered by none other than her cousin Katie. it was "annie... no." the end
“I amaze myself. Or at least that’s what a shirt said at Walmart.”
“But of course you knew that, you omniscient, blind, dyslexic kids, you!”
“Banana, I love you.”
“Who doesn’t?”
“Dumb assholey people. People who have no taste.”
“That’s a shame, since I’m so delicious.”
“Annie-haters?”
“Ew, who are they? How can they live and be okay with it? Ya know, sometimes I just wonder. Some people just suck. How could God ever let that happen? Our poor world…”
“I’m so witty is why. Wit wit wit.”
“Tuesdays with Annie. Who cares about Morrie? Fuck him.”
“There was an ad taped to my cousins door today. it said something like "I’M GOOD HOUSE CLEANER. I’M ALSO A CITIZEN. CONTACT IF YOU WANT ME TO CLEAN YOUR HOUSE”. There was no name or number.”
“You’re strange.”
“What else is new?”
“Your face. My CD.”
“What about your cd?”
“It’s new. Like your face.”
“Goodnight, fair maiden! May the sun never redden your face with burnage and the scissors never cut your hair of beauty!”
“That’s so funny, I think I’m gonna hurt something laughing.”
“You… wrap up in your HIM blanket and dream about Brendon Urie. I’m going to bed.”
“Look! A bird!” [points] “Does anyone have a knife?”
“Ian, you’re missing the bird porn!”
“Ha! It happened! Screw you, logic!”
“Hell. Go to it.”
“It’s like an orgy in here.”
“You’re getting quoted. It’s like getting Punk’d, only better.”
“Swinging long jump should be an Olympic sport.”
“Push me and I’ll eat you.”
“Yeah, hard combo. Eggs and being lazy. That’s why you get married. But that’s a secret so don’t tell.”
“Well, you know eggs and Ceri is the best food combo in the world.”
“Boys are like slinkies: useless but fun to watch fall down stairs.”
“You’re no. Lots of no.”
“Tony Stark is a drunk doucheface.”
“In a few years, you’ll give Criss Angel a run for his money.”
“Borderline Hobo. That should be my club, and the extensions are Borderline Druggie and Sluttie, too.”
Title Source: "Attack" by 30 Seconds to Mars. I've become addicted to this album. It's like heroin for my eardrums.
“Do you realise we’re talking about my dishwasher?”
“Yeah I know. What else should we talk about?”
“I don’t know. My dishwasher is pretty much the most interesting thing in the world.”
“A microcosm of civilization itself.”
“Bachelor #3, I don't like bachelor #2 because on our first date, he's going to kiss other men.”
“I quote people. You obviously missed the memo.”
“Chivalry is dead. We should have a funeral for it with knights and dress up in gowns. It will be a proper burial.”
“Because when I think Annie, I think fly.”
“Of course your do. I’m a bird, baby. Ew, but not in the Nelly Furtado way.” [shudder]
“What does Snoop Dogg use an umbrella for?”
“…What?”
“For drizzle!”
“I think he looks like Spock in the alternate universe episode.”
“The CIA actually used vampire mythology to fight Philippine communist groups in the 70s. They'd capture guerillas, drain their blood, leave them to be found, and then spread rumors about Aswang (Philippine vampires) attacking communists.”
“Mutant grass or crappy concrete: you choose.”
“The world is my male whore house. I mean oyster.”
“You look like Ceri, and Ceri is cool.”
“No prob.”
“Bob.”
“Steve?”
“Joe?”
“Hey, there’s Madison.”
“Guilty shmilty, eat the damn cookie.”
“My mind yesterday was, like… filter-process-sex.”
“So what are you writing?”
“A story.”
“I’m guessing it excludes unicorns and PCP.”
“I wish I had a unicorn. Then I could skewer my enemies on impact.”
“You call thinking big blonde pussies are hot not sad?!?!”
“…Think about that statement.”
“I bet you were badass when you were younger. Be all like… Y7, fuck that.”
“Yes, I’ve established your church. Our policy: be wicked awesome and sacrifice the unworthy. Thus sayeth the Ceri.”
“Actually considering SI, the Starbucks change makes more sense, which is saddening.”
“Starbucks is evil. But I can’t exactly be stubborn just because I am against the uniformization of our youth by corporate America.”
“You can no longer be a Cassandra; now you instead be a satirical, vengeful observer.”
“I doubt any of them will reconsider. That stuff is mind control.”
“Items set in ‘Me’ generally have trait ‘good.’”
“If Ryan Ross were a bass [guitar], this would be it.”
“That’s one sexy fish.”
“If fish could be sexy, Ryan’s would be.”
“I wonder how you’re going to react when you’re having sex, when you laugh in the guy’s face.”
“If he’s a keeper, he’ll already know and laugh about it and or think it’s cute slash endearing.”
“I’m sorry, did I miss a chuck of my life when we dated?”
“There’s not a smiley that expresses my ‘what the fuck are you on’ look.”
“I think there’s something in my water.”
“Does it wriggle?”
“No, but it makes me feel like I can fly.”
“So you’re telling me that inside you’re a tall, hot gay man who’s in love with Brendon Urie?”
“More or less.”
“Nice.”
“So once upon a time, the Yosemite Group comprised of Anne Marie, her cousins, her aunts, her uncles, grandmother, grandfather, brothers, parents, great uncles, random old peoples, and a family taht is friends of the entire group, were in Yosemite. the children and a few parents were on the bus to head back from happy isles back to housekeeping. However, a travesty occurred! The bus was quite overflowing with many a smelly and/or good looking passenger, The little ones were forced to spread themselves out and find whatever seat they may. Katie sat in the front, jeffrey and monica near the middle, annie and kimmy in the middle back, and david, kevin, and jack in the backmost seat. the children decided to cheer up the grumbling parents and started to spread the message of "Increase the peace!!" annie heard her cousins yelling such a joyous phrase and wanted in on the fun. however, soon it was very quiet
the perfect opportunity! she thought. everyone can hear my happy proclamation! and the exuberant little child shouted "INCREASE THE PEACE!!!!" [silence] and from the front of the bus, each passenger heard a muffled phrase uttered by none other than her cousin Katie. it was "annie... no." the end
“I amaze myself. Or at least that’s what a shirt said at Walmart.”
“But of course you knew that, you omniscient, blind, dyslexic kids, you!”
“Banana, I love you.”
“Who doesn’t?”
“Dumb assholey people. People who have no taste.”
“That’s a shame, since I’m so delicious.”
“Annie-haters?”
“Ew, who are they? How can they live and be okay with it? Ya know, sometimes I just wonder. Some people just suck. How could God ever let that happen? Our poor world…”
“I’m so witty is why. Wit wit wit.”
“Tuesdays with Annie. Who cares about Morrie? Fuck him.”
“There was an ad taped to my cousins door today. it said something like "I’M GOOD HOUSE CLEANER. I’M ALSO A CITIZEN. CONTACT IF YOU WANT ME TO CLEAN YOUR HOUSE”. There was no name or number.”
“You’re strange.”
“What else is new?”
“Your face. My CD.”
“What about your cd?”
“It’s new. Like your face.”
“Goodnight, fair maiden! May the sun never redden your face with burnage and the scissors never cut your hair of beauty!”
“That’s so funny, I think I’m gonna hurt something laughing.”
“You… wrap up in your HIM blanket and dream about Brendon Urie. I’m going to bed.”
“Look! A bird!” [points] “Does anyone have a knife?”
“Ian, you’re missing the bird porn!”
“Ha! It happened! Screw you, logic!”
“Hell. Go to it.”
“It’s like an orgy in here.”
“You’re getting quoted. It’s like getting Punk’d, only better.”
“Swinging long jump should be an Olympic sport.”
“Push me and I’ll eat you.”
“Yeah, hard combo. Eggs and being lazy. That’s why you get married. But that’s a secret so don’t tell.”
“Well, you know eggs and Ceri is the best food combo in the world.”
“Boys are like slinkies: useless but fun to watch fall down stairs.”
“You’re no. Lots of no.”
“Tony Stark is a drunk doucheface.”
“In a few years, you’ll give Criss Angel a run for his money.”
“Borderline Hobo. That should be my club, and the extensions are Borderline Druggie and Sluttie, too.”
18 August 2006
Are you down for giving up?
Hey kids. This has been a slow week for fun, though today I did make fun of people's clothes and watch Sponge Bob with my brother. Good times, and more to come later: movie night. Rock on.
Title Source: “Run Mary Run” by the Sloppy Meateaters. Cool guys from Georgia, and yes, it is a sexual reference.
“All the cute guys are either gay, short, 25, or taken.”
“It doesn’t get any better.”
“Then I’m becoming a lesbian.”
“My nails match my underwear.”
“Lawn clippings: the ecologically reusable garnish less expensive than parsley.”
“The cranes are courting.”
“So they’re fucking?”
“No! You court before you fuck. Unlike you.”
“I will shoot you... like an old horse... and make you into glue.”
“Who wants pity from [her]? If you did, I’d shoot you like a lame horse. Then I’d sell your hooves to the glue factory and sell your body to the dog food factory.”
“It was the Eighties. Everyone looked the same. Just like in the Fifties.”
“Run! Annie’s an alien assault vector!”
[laughs] “Of cheerfulness?”
“Of cheerfulness which is actually Ebola that takes over your mind and makes it alien also with low frequency vibrations and black holes and then augments your body with machinery and makes you bisexual. There, I have summed up every issue of Warren Ellis' global frequency for you.”
“Three isn’t many and six isn’t convincing.”
“Meh-el! Save your planet!”
“Shut up. Don’t make fun of the blind dyslexic kid.”
“Aww, why not?”
“Because it’s not nice. But apparently my telepathy is getting better because you understood what I said.”
“Squirrel! Evil! Kill it!”
“No! Cute! Kill it!”
“When I get my own place, I’ll be able to play music and laugh as loud as I want without people being annoying.”
“That will rock”
“Literally.” … “Another thing about my own place: I can fucking sing in it.”
“So did you vomit?”
“No, but I still feel like I should. Except then people will try to have an intervention for my nonexistence bulimia.”
“Yeah don’t. You’re yay.”
“To you. To me, I’m ugh.”
“Your brothers aren’t tough enough to punch your dates in the face. You’re more likely to punch their dates in the face.”
“Thank you?”
“But I want cheesy beans!”
“This tastes redundant.”
“I would like to be eating some pizza now.”
“Oh my god my sister is reading fanfiction.”
“Oh no. Better kill her.”
“I don’t know how to describe the badness.”
“Death… to the brain.”
“I’m internetting! Very serious business!”
“If I ever get really rich I'm gonna devote a couple grand (or more) to preparation for a major apocalyptic event. Zombies and shit like that.”
“Because let’s face it, I do put the sexy in dyslexic.”
“I could do something more people-oriented for my community service, but I don’t think I’ll go for that.”
“How to do community service without meeting people.”
“I should write a pamphlet.”
“I’ve been inventing Anti-Barney D&D spells like, “Wrath of God- banish all Barneys from the field” and "Work of the Devil" - Summon Barney to the field. All enemies suffer -10 to will saving throws.” And there’s also "Ultimate Frisbee: Target foe is hit by an Ultimate Frisbee and stunned for two turns".
“But sticky makes it fun!”
“It's a song by Berlin, being listened to by Ceri, covered by System of a Down.”
“...being translated to siobhan, being confuzzled by it, being a maker of random ass comments
All is as usual.”
“I would love to have red hair. Not from a bottle. But chocolate sauce… I would like it in a bottle… or all over that Urie dude.”
“Take pity on the slow typers, for theirs in the kingdom of the doodlepads… and etchasketch.”
“Kylie has seen the light.”
“The pretty green one? I like that light. It’s purty.”
“Any ego I fake I brutally murder afterward.”
“I’m giving blood Sunday.”
“Giving blood or drinking blood?”
“And then of course there’s Neil Bush.”
“Who?”
[about Ashlee Simpson on SNL] “Apparently she blamed her bassist, and her bassist blamed his bass."
And a few late-night adds:
"Emo is kosher."
"Sounded like two moose fucking hard .
"HOBOCORE!"
Title Source: “Run Mary Run” by the Sloppy Meateaters. Cool guys from Georgia, and yes, it is a sexual reference.
“All the cute guys are either gay, short, 25, or taken.”
“It doesn’t get any better.”
“Then I’m becoming a lesbian.”
“My nails match my underwear.”
“Lawn clippings: the ecologically reusable garnish less expensive than parsley.”
“The cranes are courting.”
“So they’re fucking?”
“No! You court before you fuck. Unlike you.”
“I will shoot you... like an old horse... and make you into glue.”
“Who wants pity from [her]? If you did, I’d shoot you like a lame horse. Then I’d sell your hooves to the glue factory and sell your body to the dog food factory.”
“It was the Eighties. Everyone looked the same. Just like in the Fifties.”
“Run! Annie’s an alien assault vector!”
[laughs] “Of cheerfulness?”
“Of cheerfulness which is actually Ebola that takes over your mind and makes it alien also with low frequency vibrations and black holes and then augments your body with machinery and makes you bisexual. There, I have summed up every issue of Warren Ellis' global frequency for you.”
“Three isn’t many and six isn’t convincing.”
“Meh-el! Save your planet!”
“Shut up. Don’t make fun of the blind dyslexic kid.”
“Aww, why not?”
“Because it’s not nice. But apparently my telepathy is getting better because you understood what I said.”
“Squirrel! Evil! Kill it!”
“No! Cute! Kill it!”
“When I get my own place, I’ll be able to play music and laugh as loud as I want without people being annoying.”
“That will rock”
“Literally.” … “Another thing about my own place: I can fucking sing in it.”
“So did you vomit?”
“No, but I still feel like I should. Except then people will try to have an intervention for my nonexistence bulimia.”
“Yeah don’t. You’re yay.”
“To you. To me, I’m ugh.”
“Your brothers aren’t tough enough to punch your dates in the face. You’re more likely to punch their dates in the face.”
“Thank you?”
“But I want cheesy beans!”
“This tastes redundant.”
“I would like to be eating some pizza now.”
“Oh my god my sister is reading fanfiction.”
“Oh no. Better kill her.”
“I don’t know how to describe the badness.”
“Death… to the brain.”
“I’m internetting! Very serious business!”
“If I ever get really rich I'm gonna devote a couple grand (or more) to preparation for a major apocalyptic event. Zombies and shit like that.”
“Because let’s face it, I do put the sexy in dyslexic.”
“I could do something more people-oriented for my community service, but I don’t think I’ll go for that.”
“How to do community service without meeting people.”
“I should write a pamphlet.”
“I’ve been inventing Anti-Barney D&D spells like, “Wrath of God- banish all Barneys from the field” and "Work of the Devil" - Summon Barney to the field. All enemies suffer -10 to will saving throws.” And there’s also "Ultimate Frisbee: Target foe is hit by an Ultimate Frisbee and stunned for two turns".
“But sticky makes it fun!”
“It's a song by Berlin, being listened to by Ceri, covered by System of a Down.”
“...being translated to siobhan, being confuzzled by it, being a maker of random ass comments
All is as usual.”
“I would love to have red hair. Not from a bottle. But chocolate sauce… I would like it in a bottle… or all over that Urie dude.”
“Take pity on the slow typers, for theirs in the kingdom of the doodlepads… and etchasketch.”
“Kylie has seen the light.”
“The pretty green one? I like that light. It’s purty.”
“Any ego I fake I brutally murder afterward.”
“I’m giving blood Sunday.”
“Giving blood or drinking blood?”
“And then of course there’s Neil Bush.”
“Who?”
[about Ashlee Simpson on SNL] “Apparently she blamed her bassist, and her bassist blamed his bass."
And a few late-night adds:
"Emo is kosher."
"Sounded like two moose fucking hard .
"HOBOCORE!"
11 August 2006
Oh, you write such pretty words, but life’s no storybook.
[Yawn] I think this is the earliest in the day I've updated. For every one of my seemingly insane actions, however, there be a reason. I'm going to the zoo in about half an hour for who-know-how-long and then later I'm going to see Clerks 2 with my mom. Yeah, I know my mom is awesome. But anyway... I keep yawning. Too much sleep.
Title Source: “Lover I Don’t Have To Love” by Bright Eyes. One of the first Bright Eyes songs I ever heard. Oh the romanticism of the twelve-year-old mind.
"Free ice cream is always good."
“You need something on this wall. A painting, or a poster. But not Johnny Depp because then you’d burn the food.”
“The things you see when you haven’t got your gun.”
“I thought I’d brush up on my acting.”
“Then you should practice dying. You’re very good at that.”
“I want some bloody tea, dammit.”
“Boil some water, prick your wrist, and make some bloody tea.”
“Done.”
“How is thy bloody tea?”
“Yummy.” [grins widely showing vampire teeth]
“Well that’s good—nourishing too, I bet.”
“I bet Criss Angel can sneeze with his eyes open. Mindfreak that, bitches!”
[laughing] “Is that Justin Timberlake? Why is he a taco?”
“Why are you eating a spoon?”
“…’Cause it’s tasty…”
“You are mega popular.”
“I am teh uber poplarz!”
“Apparently in the acting area, I’m good at dying.”
“Away message: eating, as disordered.”
“You should steal a bunch of solar panels from all those call boxes on the freeway and use them to heat it.”
“Is that how they work? I’ve always wondered.”
“Yeah, if look you can see a small solar panel at the top.”
“I was always too busy watching the power and phonelines dip up and down.”
“Steal enough and you can power your entire house and sell the extra electricity to PG&E.”
“They need to make solar panels cheaper. Then we wouldn’t have to steal them.”
“We’re out of milk.”
[laughs]
“Don’t laugh, I couldn’t have my blood tea. I mean bloody. Ah, who’m I kidding?”
“You should kill a milkman. You will feel better.”
“Iono, you just can’t look at that situation and say ‘He’s acting out.’”
“Well, you can, but you’d be a douchebag.”
“Oh my god! I think I’ve gained weight!”
“Musta been all those wagons you had for breakfast.”
“Salvation from what?”
“…I don’t want to talk about it. I’ll say, ickiness, and leave it at that.”
“If I commit a crime sometime soon, I can plead temporary insanity due to trauma with this as an excuse.”
“Yes! You should just commit a crime while you can.”
“I love it.”
“My dyslexia? You’re the only one.”
“Better than any other movie up there. Got 47 mil already.”
“That's because the masses are desperate, stupid, and like whatever Will Farrell does.”
“Yayayayayay Will Farrell. Except Bewitched.”
“Yeah well that was just a bad idea.”
“Kittens!”
[munch]
“Gasp! That was my snack!”
[offers other half to you]
“Aww. Thanks. I love the intestines.”
“Pirates make you hot, you know it.”
“Privates! I mean… pirates. Jesus, what a Freudian slip.”
“Yeah, those wagons go straight to your hips.”
“Liberace. Did he have a sister Mary? Mariachi?” [It got my whole family laughing.]
guy: your hair is gorgeous. it must smell nice too.
me: thanks
guy: what's your name?
me: angela
guy: do you have a boyfriend?
me: yeah, actually i do
guy: oh. he must be one lucky guy
me: yeah, i'll tell him you said that. [I’m such a liar, aren’t I?”
"Why the fuck is this unicorn so damn emo?"
"That's it? I wanted a story with ninjas!"
"Stupid attractive teenager on my couch."
"Who?"
"Alex."
"Alex curly hair Alex?"
"No, the male variety."
"Damn."
"Is it weird I think it's hot that he's reading comics?"
“Little girls taste like lamb chops.”
“People buy and sell suck crap on tv.”
“Life is a cruel bitch at times, and sometimes a fuzzy bunny.”
“Covered in barbed wire?”
“no, fuzzy bunnies covered in barbed wire are the only type worth having. Unless they are black and attached to Davey Havoc.”
“Hey at least his haircut makes a statement. It failed, but it was trying.”
“I WILL NOT BE RELEGATED TO VAMPIRE SLAYER JUST BECAUSE I HAPPEN TO BE SHORT BLOND AND QUIRKY!”
“Know what else is not all bad?”
“Ryan Ross?”
“Well that too. The Subways. Quite good.”
“Band or the underground train thingies?”
“Band.”
“Oh, because I like the underground train thingies.”
“Drunkards can throw even awesome vampires for a loop. BAC, you know.”
“Haha! Siobhan got hit on by a pirate!”
“Reading is a gateway to lesbianism and witchcraft.”
“Then burn me at the stake and find me a hot chick.”
“God I hate it when she doesn’t listen to me.”
“Who?”
“Joanna.”
“She smells like tacos.”
“Awww, you remembered!”
“That is inappropriate language for the candy shop!”
“Surfer boys smell like ocean… and Axe.”
“We sort’a have this love-hate relationship… well, more of a hate-toleration relationship.”
“I wish my house smelled like surfer boys.”
“I am soooo ool man.”
“Oh, you are the reason I turn into a lonely little emo kid.”
“Bev would be sad I didn’t have a Brendon Urie to pour my maple syrup on.”
“We all mourn that.”
“Should the presence of a higher power make you feel an tingly? And swirly?”
“I’m not sure how that started.”
“Well, you know, one thing leads to another and eventually you get to pouring syrup on hot guys.”
“So it's been decided that I’m a vampire, Mel's a werewolf, and Siobhan is a witch.”
“What am I? And why are you all what you are?”
“You're coffinbait. I am a vampire because of my aversion to sunlight, pointy canines, and corpse-pale skin.”
“Are you calling me a slut, Ceri?”
“'Fraid so, Kyliepants.”
“What pants?” [wink]
“The pants you're whoring yourself to get into.”
“That’s mean.”
“So am I. So is she. It all works out.”
“You should bang things. And I should video tape it.”
“Things like… what… exactly?”
“All up to you.”
[thinks for a moment before smiling evilly] “I don’t think you should tape that.”
“I have naked people in my head.”
Title Source: “Lover I Don’t Have To Love” by Bright Eyes. One of the first Bright Eyes songs I ever heard. Oh the romanticism of the twelve-year-old mind.
"Free ice cream is always good."
“You need something on this wall. A painting, or a poster. But not Johnny Depp because then you’d burn the food.”
“The things you see when you haven’t got your gun.”
“I thought I’d brush up on my acting.”
“Then you should practice dying. You’re very good at that.”
“I want some bloody tea, dammit.”
“Boil some water, prick your wrist, and make some bloody tea.”
“Done.”
“How is thy bloody tea?”
“Yummy.” [grins widely showing vampire teeth]
“Well that’s good—nourishing too, I bet.”
“I bet Criss Angel can sneeze with his eyes open. Mindfreak that, bitches!”
[laughing] “Is that Justin Timberlake? Why is he a taco?”
“Why are you eating a spoon?”
“…’Cause it’s tasty…”
“You are mega popular.”
“I am teh uber poplarz!”
“Apparently in the acting area, I’m good at dying.”
“Away message: eating, as disordered.”
“You should steal a bunch of solar panels from all those call boxes on the freeway and use them to heat it.”
“Is that how they work? I’ve always wondered.”
“Yeah, if look you can see a small solar panel at the top.”
“I was always too busy watching the power and phonelines dip up and down.”
“Steal enough and you can power your entire house and sell the extra electricity to PG&E.”
“They need to make solar panels cheaper. Then we wouldn’t have to steal them.”
“We’re out of milk.”
[laughs]
“Don’t laugh, I couldn’t have my blood tea. I mean bloody. Ah, who’m I kidding?”
“You should kill a milkman. You will feel better.”
“Iono, you just can’t look at that situation and say ‘He’s acting out.’”
“Well, you can, but you’d be a douchebag.”
“Oh my god! I think I’ve gained weight!”
“Musta been all those wagons you had for breakfast.”
“Salvation from what?”
“…I don’t want to talk about it. I’ll say, ickiness, and leave it at that.”
“If I commit a crime sometime soon, I can plead temporary insanity due to trauma with this as an excuse.”
“Yes! You should just commit a crime while you can.”
“I love it.”
“My dyslexia? You’re the only one.”
“Better than any other movie up there. Got 47 mil already.”
“That's because the masses are desperate, stupid, and like whatever Will Farrell does.”
“Yayayayayay Will Farrell. Except Bewitched.”
“Yeah well that was just a bad idea.”
“Kittens!”
[munch]
“Gasp! That was my snack!”
[offers other half to you]
“Aww. Thanks. I love the intestines.”
“Pirates make you hot, you know it.”
“Privates! I mean… pirates. Jesus, what a Freudian slip.”
“Yeah, those wagons go straight to your hips.”
“Liberace. Did he have a sister Mary? Mariachi?” [It got my whole family laughing.]
guy: your hair is gorgeous. it must smell nice too.
me: thanks
guy: what's your name?
me: angela
guy: do you have a boyfriend?
me: yeah, actually i do
guy: oh. he must be one lucky guy
me: yeah, i'll tell him you said that. [I’m such a liar, aren’t I?”
"Why the fuck is this unicorn so damn emo?"
"That's it? I wanted a story with ninjas!"
"Stupid attractive teenager on my couch."
"Who?"
"Alex."
"Alex curly hair Alex?"
"No, the male variety."
"Damn."
"Is it weird I think it's hot that he's reading comics?"
“Little girls taste like lamb chops.”
“People buy and sell suck crap on tv.”
“Life is a cruel bitch at times, and sometimes a fuzzy bunny.”
“Covered in barbed wire?”
“no, fuzzy bunnies covered in barbed wire are the only type worth having. Unless they are black and attached to Davey Havoc.”
“Hey at least his haircut makes a statement. It failed, but it was trying.”
“I WILL NOT BE RELEGATED TO VAMPIRE SLAYER JUST BECAUSE I HAPPEN TO BE SHORT BLOND AND QUIRKY!”
“Know what else is not all bad?”
“Ryan Ross?”
“Well that too. The Subways. Quite good.”
“Band or the underground train thingies?”
“Band.”
“Oh, because I like the underground train thingies.”
“Drunkards can throw even awesome vampires for a loop. BAC, you know.”
“Haha! Siobhan got hit on by a pirate!”
“Reading is a gateway to lesbianism and witchcraft.”
“Then burn me at the stake and find me a hot chick.”
“God I hate it when she doesn’t listen to me.”
“Who?”
“Joanna.”
“She smells like tacos.”
“Awww, you remembered!”
“That is inappropriate language for the candy shop!”
“Surfer boys smell like ocean… and Axe.”
“We sort’a have this love-hate relationship… well, more of a hate-toleration relationship.”
“I wish my house smelled like surfer boys.”
“I am soooo ool man.”
“Oh, you are the reason I turn into a lonely little emo kid.”
“Bev would be sad I didn’t have a Brendon Urie to pour my maple syrup on.”
“We all mourn that.”
“Should the presence of a higher power make you feel an tingly? And swirly?”
“I’m not sure how that started.”
“Well, you know, one thing leads to another and eventually you get to pouring syrup on hot guys.”
“So it's been decided that I’m a vampire, Mel's a werewolf, and Siobhan is a witch.”
“What am I? And why are you all what you are?”
“You're coffinbait. I am a vampire because of my aversion to sunlight, pointy canines, and corpse-pale skin.”
“Are you calling me a slut, Ceri?”
“'Fraid so, Kyliepants.”
“What pants?” [wink]
“The pants you're whoring yourself to get into.”
“That’s mean.”
“So am I. So is she. It all works out.”
“You should bang things. And I should video tape it.”
“Things like… what… exactly?”
“All up to you.”
[thinks for a moment before smiling evilly] “I don’t think you should tape that.”
“I have naked people in my head.”
10 August 2006
04 August 2006
It’s all out of context. Its nothing I’m into. Call it a complex. It’s really quite simple.
Early in the week, I got a comment on the last post from some anonymous cool-person (yes, it is hyphenated). To that person, be they reading this, I wish to say, You’re flipping rad, whoever you are. But let’s get on to this week. There are a couple good ones from Sunday afternoon: ice-skating and craziness in general. Not to mention more “your mom” jokes than you can shake a stick at. Some of these are actually really old because Sunday night my brother reinstalled AIM, which I haven’t used in months, and my profile was still up and had quotes. Nifty, huh? Comments, darlings, are always appreciated when read, whether they be positive or otherwise.
Title Source: “Callbacks” by We Are Scientists. They rock and make me want to dance. Buy it!
"Now, now. If we went around stabbity-stabbing all the stupid people, who would do our bidding?"
"Well, that's what I get for using demon-based paint."
"No, actually, I keep my soul in a toasty-warm pretty glass bottle where I can admire it."
“Why does she look dead?”
“It’s fashionable.”
“Oh yeah, I want to look like a corpse.”
“Hey, Lance Bass is gay. Like no one saw that coming. No straight guy has that kind of hair.”
“Stupid cars. Trying to run me over all the time.”
"It's so glittery."
"That's what she said.”
"You're so gay you're homophobic!"
“God! What the fuck is up with this bus! First it smells like feet, and then it smells like death, and then it smells like ass!”
"So you still have long hair and listen to heavy metal? Yeah... that's unattractive."
An example of my nerdiness: "Well, we're supposed to be playing D&D, but the n00bs are playing Warcraft."
"Idea! We should have a nerf gun fight at the zoo! But we might lose the darts... so never mind."
"We should use the animals as mounts."
"Why is it that every guy I know just about gets a hard on talking about Warcraft?"
"It isn't. It's a figment of you imagination. I hope."
"You hope I imagine guys having hard ons talking about video games... No thanks."
"It's not that violent, unless someone gets shot in the face, which is usually Gabriel."
"Those nerf dart fly fucking fast! Especially from a six-shooter."
"Things I've been doing for two days straight: knitting and reading comic books. Welcome to Dorkland."
"All is fair in love and Mexican stand-offs."
"You're not having sex. They're not having sex. They're still wearing clothes. Rookie mistake!"
“Boys have germs, girls have cooties, get it right!”
“I like my candy with a citrus base. Like my women. Wait…”
“Rivers Cuomo: The Emo Woody Allen”
“For some reason, whenever I think of Ville Valo, I think of pirates.”
“I know. Unfortunately I do too.”
“No un in the fortunate. Well… I mean… in fortUNate there’s an un, but no un prefix!”
“Loverrr.”
[looks around] “Wrong number?”
Title Source: “Callbacks” by We Are Scientists. They rock and make me want to dance. Buy it!
"Now, now. If we went around stabbity-stabbing all the stupid people, who would do our bidding?"
"Well, that's what I get for using demon-based paint."
"No, actually, I keep my soul in a toasty-warm pretty glass bottle where I can admire it."
“Why does she look dead?”
“It’s fashionable.”
“Oh yeah, I want to look like a corpse.”
“Hey, Lance Bass is gay. Like no one saw that coming. No straight guy has that kind of hair.”
“Stupid cars. Trying to run me over all the time.”
"It's so glittery."
"That's what she said.”
"You're so gay you're homophobic!"
“God! What the fuck is up with this bus! First it smells like feet, and then it smells like death, and then it smells like ass!”
"So you still have long hair and listen to heavy metal? Yeah... that's unattractive."
An example of my nerdiness: "Well, we're supposed to be playing D&D, but the n00bs are playing Warcraft."
"Idea! We should have a nerf gun fight at the zoo! But we might lose the darts... so never mind."
"We should use the animals as mounts."
"Why is it that every guy I know just about gets a hard on talking about Warcraft?"
"It isn't. It's a figment of you imagination. I hope."
"You hope I imagine guys having hard ons talking about video games... No thanks."
"It's not that violent, unless someone gets shot in the face, which is usually Gabriel."
"Those nerf dart fly fucking fast! Especially from a six-shooter."
"Things I've been doing for two days straight: knitting and reading comic books. Welcome to Dorkland."
"All is fair in love and Mexican stand-offs."
"You're not having sex. They're not having sex. They're still wearing clothes. Rookie mistake!"
“Boys have germs, girls have cooties, get it right!”
“I like my candy with a citrus base. Like my women. Wait…”
“Rivers Cuomo: The Emo Woody Allen”
“For some reason, whenever I think of Ville Valo, I think of pirates.”
“I know. Unfortunately I do too.”
“No un in the fortunate. Well… I mean… in fortUNate there’s an un, but no un prefix!”
“Loverrr.”
[looks around] “Wrong number?”
28 July 2006
Sling us a web, you're the Spider Man. Sling us a web tonight.
Hey, look! Lucky number 16! I went to a tea house today. The Scottish lady who owns the place was so nice, and the food was delicious, and the tea was heavenly. Then I was going to go shoot some photos, but then my mom called, so I didn't. Fascinating life I live, isn't it? Anyway, I look like a flippin' gunman, in my flatcap and shady expression. Alls I need is that pair of boots I've been eying and my brother's army jacket. Oh, and a sniper rifle. But that's another kettle of fish.
Oh, and here's something I found quite hilarious. http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/n/a/2006/07/17/international/i083441D32.DTL
Title Source: "Ode To A Superhero" by Weird Al. A parody of "Piano Man." Personally, I like this version better.
“~Jimmy shucked corn, and I don’t care~!”
“Yeah, I had to go by Jimmy. Or Gumby.”
“I told you mutant hedgehogs just won’t cut it.”
“People just want senseless violence or nothing. I go to the movies not to think!”
“Getting confirmed is like getting a level in Paladin, right? Heal light wounds, smite evil. But you can only smite evil once a day.”
“ROFL my waffle!”
“Is that like leggo’ my eggo?”
“How was life without me? Unbearable?”
“Indeed. Emo kids cried. But that’s because I kicked them.”
“Meanie.”
“They deserved it.”
“I met a guy from Wisconsin the other day.”
“Does he have an accent and smell like cheese?”
“A fucking daisy chain? How old are you, three?”
“I’m a hippie, fuck you.”
“Beverly agrees that Quinn is delish.”
“Duh. She has ovaries. Quinn makes ovaries quiver.”
“I want a jacket that says ‘Your pretty face is going to hell.’”
“I think if I had a shirt that said ‘I can lick things’ I might get the wrong kind of attention.”
“Miss Piggy needs to ease up on the perms.”
“When you can’t have good production value, make up for it by being artsy.”
“Just because I want to beat the living fuck out of someone doesn’t mean I hate them. God, I’m such a guy.”
“I eats her.”
[Aims at lamp]
[Dies]
“Are you a lamp?”
“Yes.”
“Oh.”
“Life is… interesting.”
“Hence the pistol.”
“So I take it she is being unofficially voted off the island.”
“If by ‘voted off the island’ you mean shot in the foot and getting her face beaten in… then yes.”
“Isn’t it beautiful?”
“It is pretty. In the flaming hardcore way.”
“The best way.”
“Don’t make fun of the blind, dyslexic kid!”
“Lovebird?”
“Yes. You sing like a bird.”
“A drunk bird. On anti-helium.”
“Bolt Vanderhuge!”
“That’s a good porn name.”
“Morons! This country is full of morons! And Stan Lee is one of them!”
“You know what the worst part is? He stole that idea from one of the background Frontline issues. There’s a reality show called ‘America’s Next Top Super Hero’ and it has people with actual superpowers.”
"And they kept saying 'flippin' ay' all the time. It really got on my nerves."
"Alright, if you're going to say that, at least say it right. It's fuckin' eh, and the only circumstances under which you should use it are if someone wakes you up by pouring a bucket of water on you or something along those lines."
"How many muppets had to die for you to wear that scarf?!"
Oh, and here's something I found quite hilarious. http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/n/a/2006/07/17/international/i083441D32.DTL
Title Source: "Ode To A Superhero" by Weird Al. A parody of "Piano Man." Personally, I like this version better.
“~Jimmy shucked corn, and I don’t care~!”
“Yeah, I had to go by Jimmy. Or Gumby.”
“I told you mutant hedgehogs just won’t cut it.”
“People just want senseless violence or nothing. I go to the movies not to think!”
“Getting confirmed is like getting a level in Paladin, right? Heal light wounds, smite evil. But you can only smite evil once a day.”
“ROFL my waffle!”
“Is that like leggo’ my eggo?”
“How was life without me? Unbearable?”
“Indeed. Emo kids cried. But that’s because I kicked them.”
“Meanie.”
“They deserved it.”
“I met a guy from Wisconsin the other day.”
“Does he have an accent and smell like cheese?”
“A fucking daisy chain? How old are you, three?”
“I’m a hippie, fuck you.”
“Beverly agrees that Quinn is delish.”
“Duh. She has ovaries. Quinn makes ovaries quiver.”
“I want a jacket that says ‘Your pretty face is going to hell.’”
“I think if I had a shirt that said ‘I can lick things’ I might get the wrong kind of attention.”
“Miss Piggy needs to ease up on the perms.”
“When you can’t have good production value, make up for it by being artsy.”
“Just because I want to beat the living fuck out of someone doesn’t mean I hate them. God, I’m such a guy.”
“I eats her.”
[Aims at lamp]
[Dies]
“Are you a lamp?”
“Yes.”
“Oh.”
“Life is… interesting.”
“Hence the pistol.”
“So I take it she is being unofficially voted off the island.”
“If by ‘voted off the island’ you mean shot in the foot and getting her face beaten in… then yes.”
“Isn’t it beautiful?”
“It is pretty. In the flaming hardcore way.”
“The best way.”
“Don’t make fun of the blind, dyslexic kid!”
“Lovebird?”
“Yes. You sing like a bird.”
“A drunk bird. On anti-helium.”
“Bolt Vanderhuge!”
“That’s a good porn name.”
“Morons! This country is full of morons! And Stan Lee is one of them!”
“You know what the worst part is? He stole that idea from one of the background Frontline issues. There’s a reality show called ‘America’s Next Top Super Hero’ and it has people with actual superpowers.”
"And they kept saying 'flippin' ay' all the time. It really got on my nerves."
"Alright, if you're going to say that, at least say it right. It's fuckin' eh, and the only circumstances under which you should use it are if someone wakes you up by pouring a bucket of water on you or something along those lines."
"How many muppets had to die for you to wear that scarf?!"
21 July 2006
I'm not like them, but I can pretend.
Evening, ladies and gents. There are quiet a lot this week; a whole four pages worth. Imagine that. I don't really have much to say, really, except that there is a party at my house tomorrow and I have no idea why. Oh well. Enjoy.
Title Source: "Dumb" by Nirvana. ~I think I'm dumb, or maybe just happy~
“Oh, you are me.”
“Really? Which one of us is on acid?”
“Both. Duh.”
“Bubbles can be my new nickname!”
“No, it makes you sound like a stripper.”
“Dammit man, kick the habit. Your mind is whack!”
“A section of my mind is a constant acid trip.”
“’Sokay. People either don’t listen or don’t understand the words that come out of my mouth. Or in this case fingers.”
“?”
“We’re online, Annie!”
“As my brother and I were walking home, this red sports car comes up next to us and slows down. {Cue to Jack and Annie freaking out}… {Inside anyways} {Car revs super loud and drives away.} Oh, and the car was full of teenage boys. So? But yes. And then I was like. ‘Oh yeah, Jack, they think I was hot’ and he says ‘Yeah, and then they say “Hey baby” and you say “Hi” and they say “We weren’t talking to you.” {winks at Jack}.’ … And then I found twenty bucks.”
“Him and this crazy slutorgies. I mean parties.”
“Yes you are, you lying candywhore!”
“I’m not lying or a candywhore!”
“Both! Lies! See!”
“Dammit, Banana, now I want candy!”
“1.Revoltingly? No. 2.Squishy? No. 3.Hi Brother! 4. Which brother?”
“…You’re mean. Placating me ego and all that.”
“You’re not a dude, you’re just a… Ceri.”
“Flossing is weird. My teeth don’t feel any cleaner. Dentists everywhere are just wasting people’s time.”
“Speaking of what… which. who. how. when.”
“Yesh?”
“I still want candy.”
“So, basically you want it to look like Raphael and Picasso had mad crazy sex and orgasmed art all over your room?”
“Who invented flossing?”
“Some sadistic fuckdentist.”
“From those random moments, you’d think everyone in the ’70s had ADD.”
“…What?”
“Shut up, I’m clever.”
“A spoon full of sugar makes the medicine kickass the medicine kick ass medicine kick asss....a spoon fulla sugar makes the medicine kick ass...in the most PUNKROXORZ WAY!”
“Oh god! White pants!”
“He’s really skinny. Did he do heroin?”
“Probably… Didn’t everyone?”
“No eat puppy!”
“I’m thinking Davy Jones was in love with an octopus.”
“And she got caught and ended up on the seafood special.”
Little Girl [In theatre, watching “Dead Man’s Chest” when the heart is seen]: “KILL IT!”
“I did this to Ali once. I told her I had Peter Wentz in my swimming pool. She about died.”
“Awesome sauce.”
“With crushed almond joys on top.”
“That should be quoted somewhere in the yearbook. Three steps to surviving Mr. Quattrin’s class: 1. Don’t poke the bear. 2. Do your homework. 3. Don’t be a knucklehead.”
“I might actually miss the stupidity of the Cornelius family… despite their constant whining.”
“Stuck in a ditch… for ten chapters.”
“For three flipping months!”
“That must have been one huge fucking ditch. They shouldn’t have said ditch. Maybe crater.”
“You know what I want? Techno and strobes for my funeral. It’s a party!”
“Do you know what I want to do in college?”
“What? Have sex?”
“Well, yes, but as a career.”
“Huh. I smell good.”
“Yay! May I sniff you when I see you next?”
“Um. Make sure your boyfriend isn’t there. He might get jealous.”
“She… makes me vomit… goldfish and sunshine doodles.”
“Eeeeewww, who would want Beyonce to play the bass? She would look so weird.”
“So, did you have news, or was that just a clever ploy to make me say something random?”
“I should become a mime. Then, people might listen to me.”
“English is a language that lurks in the darkest alleys, beats up other languages, and rifes through their pockets for spare vocabulary.”
“You’re such a girl.”
“He’s pretty like a girl.”
“You’re pretty like a girl.”
“Thank you!”
“You’re welcome!”
“CERI CERI GUESS WHAT!!!!
“Penguins have taken over Central Park and demand that I fly to New York with you to become queen with you as my trusted advisor of evil. Right?”
“Yes.”
“Sweet! Off to the Big Apple we go!”
“Okay, new theory: I’m attractive to girls and hoods. Whoopee.”
“Can I buy a gender?”
“Holy Robert Louis Stevenson, Batman!”
“Are you sure you’re not dating yourself?”
“It’s a Cyclops. They’re not lopsided.”
“Yesh they is.”
“No, they’re perfectly symmetrical.”
“No.”
“Yeah, they’re not. They’re all lumpy and stuff.”
“Buh buh buh buh.”
“Na na na na naaa.”
“One, two, three, DAAAAAAA!”
“What are we doing?”
“I’m a barbershop quartet. Your mom.”
Title Source: "Dumb" by Nirvana. ~I think I'm dumb, or maybe just happy~
“Oh, you are me.”
“Really? Which one of us is on acid?”
“Both. Duh.”
“Bubbles can be my new nickname!”
“No, it makes you sound like a stripper.”
“Dammit man, kick the habit. Your mind is whack!”
“A section of my mind is a constant acid trip.”
“’Sokay. People either don’t listen or don’t understand the words that come out of my mouth. Or in this case fingers.”
“?”
“We’re online, Annie!”
“As my brother and I were walking home, this red sports car comes up next to us and slows down. {Cue to Jack and Annie freaking out}… {Inside anyways} {Car revs super loud and drives away.} Oh, and the car was full of teenage boys. So? But yes. And then I was like. ‘Oh yeah, Jack, they think I was hot’ and he says ‘Yeah, and then they say “Hey baby” and you say “Hi” and they say “We weren’t talking to you.” {winks at Jack}.’ … And then I found twenty bucks.”
“Him and this crazy slutorgies. I mean parties.”
“Yes you are, you lying candywhore!”
“I’m not lying or a candywhore!”
“Both! Lies! See!”
“Dammit, Banana, now I want candy!”
“1.Revoltingly? No. 2.Squishy? No. 3.Hi Brother! 4. Which brother?”
“…You’re mean. Placating me ego and all that.”
“You’re not a dude, you’re just a… Ceri.”
“Flossing is weird. My teeth don’t feel any cleaner. Dentists everywhere are just wasting people’s time.”
“Speaking of what… which. who. how. when.”
“Yesh?”
“I still want candy.”
“So, basically you want it to look like Raphael and Picasso had mad crazy sex and orgasmed art all over your room?”
“Who invented flossing?”
“Some sadistic fuckdentist.”
“From those random moments, you’d think everyone in the ’70s had ADD.”
“…What?”
“Shut up, I’m clever.”
“A spoon full of sugar makes the medicine kickass the medicine kick ass medicine kick asss....a spoon fulla sugar makes the medicine kick ass...in the most PUNKROXORZ WAY!”
“Oh god! White pants!”
“He’s really skinny. Did he do heroin?”
“Probably… Didn’t everyone?”
“No eat puppy!”
“I’m thinking Davy Jones was in love with an octopus.”
“And she got caught and ended up on the seafood special.”
Little Girl [In theatre, watching “Dead Man’s Chest” when the heart is seen]: “KILL IT!”
“I did this to Ali once. I told her I had Peter Wentz in my swimming pool. She about died.”
“Awesome sauce.”
“With crushed almond joys on top.”
“That should be quoted somewhere in the yearbook. Three steps to surviving Mr. Quattrin’s class: 1. Don’t poke the bear. 2. Do your homework. 3. Don’t be a knucklehead.”
“I might actually miss the stupidity of the Cornelius family… despite their constant whining.”
“Stuck in a ditch… for ten chapters.”
“For three flipping months!”
“That must have been one huge fucking ditch. They shouldn’t have said ditch. Maybe crater.”
“You know what I want? Techno and strobes for my funeral. It’s a party!”
“Do you know what I want to do in college?”
“What? Have sex?”
“Well, yes, but as a career.”
“Huh. I smell good.”
“Yay! May I sniff you when I see you next?”
“Um. Make sure your boyfriend isn’t there. He might get jealous.”
“She… makes me vomit… goldfish and sunshine doodles.”
“Eeeeewww, who would want Beyonce to play the bass? She would look so weird.”
“So, did you have news, or was that just a clever ploy to make me say something random?”
“I should become a mime. Then, people might listen to me.”
“English is a language that lurks in the darkest alleys, beats up other languages, and rifes through their pockets for spare vocabulary.”
“You’re such a girl.”
“He’s pretty like a girl.”
“You’re pretty like a girl.”
“Thank you!”
“You’re welcome!”
“CERI CERI GUESS WHAT!!!!
“Penguins have taken over Central Park and demand that I fly to New York with you to become queen with you as my trusted advisor of evil. Right?”
“Yes.”
“Sweet! Off to the Big Apple we go!”
“Okay, new theory: I’m attractive to girls and hoods. Whoopee.”
“Can I buy a gender?”
“Holy Robert Louis Stevenson, Batman!”
“Are you sure you’re not dating yourself?”
“It’s a Cyclops. They’re not lopsided.”
“Yesh they is.”
“No, they’re perfectly symmetrical.”
“No.”
“Yeah, they’re not. They’re all lumpy and stuff.”
“Buh buh buh buh.”
“Na na na na naaa.”
“One, two, three, DAAAAAAA!”
“What are we doing?”
“I’m a barbershop quartet. Your mom.”
14 July 2006
I gotta roll, can't stand still/ Got a flamin' heart, can't get my fill
Stupid technology. The desktop at my dad's house is broked, so I am missing a few quotes. Harvest Moon on my super nintendo—yeah, it works, biznitches— has ADD and erased the files on it. Gah! I was in fall too! I finished my summer reading: go me! Well, that's not necessary. I finished all the summer reading that is worth doing. Don't read The Jungle. It's slow and boring as hell, and quite frankly, watching paint dry is more entertaining. Speaking of which, I wonder how the paintjob on my new castle stronghold is coming. You can't just those lowerminions to pick out the right shade of grey, you know.
Title Source: "Black Dog" - Led Zeppelin. Go Zeppelin!
“What do you think the chances of me dancing on tables when I’m drunk are?”
“Very good, I’d guess.”
Pirates>ninjas>clerks
“Is it bad to belch in front of little children?”
“I don’t know. Maybe.”
“And will I go to hell for giving a kid the finger? He didn’t see it.”
“If he didn’t see it, then no.”
Ing= incredibly nasty goblin
“I’m probably going to call that kid Damien one of these days, I swear.”
[laughs] “And no one will get it.”
“Probably later when he’s a grown up shit, he’ll stop and think… HEY!”
“It’s like, [dude], you are not getting any bitches or hos, you are not a pimp, and you couldn’t rap a Christmas present. So please stop.”
“maybe you can contribute to the save a Bovo project. For only 60 cents a day you can make poor misguided teens like Rocco” *Rocco flashes gang signs* “into...well...not what he is now, maybe a lawyer, corporate executive...a guy who aspires to work at burger king. A guy with a chance to not be shot in a drive by shooting by real thugs.”
“I would quote this, but we might get our asses shot.”
“Well then, how about 1800 STOP NOW.”
“Yeah, that scene in The Jungle was really graphic. I was glad I had fish for dinner that night.”
“It’s like, ‘Ceri, we have pork!’”
“I probably would have stared at it. ‘Ceri, why aren’t you eating?’ ‘Do you have ANY idea how this shit is made?!’”
“’The screaming of pigs’? I mean, how would you like it if you were strung up by your leg, had your throat slit, and were slowly disemboweled? Like what they did in Braveheart. FREEDOM!”
[About the “Music is my boyfriend” icon] “So when can I meet music? Is he hot?”
[laughs] “You know it. Music is god.”
“The sex must be good.”
“You have NO idea.”
“Or they eat it off you.” [shrug] “Whatever floats your boat.”
“Then I think he needs to meet my friend.”
“They’d get along?”
“Maybe. My friend The Staff of Whacking.”
“I see. He seems friendly.”
“Oh yes, very personable.”
“Related to the polenta stick?”
“Great-grandson thereof. And his cousin the Ninja Board. He lives down in the Scene Shop.”
“So, I have brain-dead moments and that was… um… huh… who are you?”
“The love of your life.”
“Oh right, you.”
“The chances of us meeting are about as slim as Conor is tall…. Actually, they’re about as slim as Conor as well.”
“I’d rather watch paint dry. At least that way, my mind can wander in peace.”
“It is nice. Touching… nonsensical, but nice.”
“Genuinely touching or am I going to want to throw up all over the book?”
“If I had a pet owl, I would name it Yoyo.”
“I have a vagina, so I get priority, you bastard.”
“That comment makes her sound like an angry pregnant woman.”
“Cadet? Who are you calling cadet? Psh. I direct thousands of hoards of evil minions.”
“I’m sorry, oh great one.”
“Alright, fine. You are an angry, pregnant, garble-mouthed lady.”
“Cunt.”
“That one too.”
“I wanted to feel included.”
“I forgot that one.”
“But you have one.”
“I do. Thank you for telling me.”
“That would be fun.”
“Beating up middle ages white women in the Y? Yeah it would.”
“in the meanwhile...: step lightly, smile confidently, tread warily, move gracefully, bend softly, lift reverently, observe carefully, follow knowingly, dip thoughtfully, fall gently, hold regularly, merge willingly, swap occasionally, shift rhythmically, twist brilliantly, sway intuitively, hesitate rarely, connect beautifully, release frequently, and understand perfectly.”
“Fight for your right to cuss the shit out’a people.”
“Do the hustle… bitch!”
“Fare the well.”
“That reminds me, I need headphones. Big ones. Deaf to the world ones.”
"Shattered dreams of rock and roll stardom, pulled together and thrown into the ocean by THE Jimi Hendrix."
"Why isn't Jay dealing drugs? Why isn't he the whacked out crazy cool druggie we've come to know and love?! Why is he...!? GAH I can't even say it!’
Title Source: "Black Dog" - Led Zeppelin. Go Zeppelin!
“What do you think the chances of me dancing on tables when I’m drunk are?”
“Very good, I’d guess.”
Pirates>ninjas>clerks
“Is it bad to belch in front of little children?”
“I don’t know. Maybe.”
“And will I go to hell for giving a kid the finger? He didn’t see it.”
“If he didn’t see it, then no.”
Ing= incredibly nasty goblin
“I’m probably going to call that kid Damien one of these days, I swear.”
[laughs] “And no one will get it.”
“Probably later when he’s a grown up shit, he’ll stop and think… HEY!”
“It’s like, [dude], you are not getting any bitches or hos, you are not a pimp, and you couldn’t rap a Christmas present. So please stop.”
“maybe you can contribute to the save a Bovo project. For only 60 cents a day you can make poor misguided teens like Rocco” *Rocco flashes gang signs* “into...well...not what he is now, maybe a lawyer, corporate executive...a guy who aspires to work at burger king. A guy with a chance to not be shot in a drive by shooting by real thugs.”
“I would quote this, but we might get our asses shot.”
“Well then, how about 1800 STOP NOW.”
“Yeah, that scene in The Jungle was really graphic. I was glad I had fish for dinner that night.”
“It’s like, ‘Ceri, we have pork!’”
“I probably would have stared at it. ‘Ceri, why aren’t you eating?’ ‘Do you have ANY idea how this shit is made?!’”
“’The screaming of pigs’? I mean, how would you like it if you were strung up by your leg, had your throat slit, and were slowly disemboweled? Like what they did in Braveheart. FREEDOM!”
[About the “Music is my boyfriend” icon] “So when can I meet music? Is he hot?”
[laughs] “You know it. Music is god.”
“The sex must be good.”
“You have NO idea.”
“Or they eat it off you.” [shrug] “Whatever floats your boat.”
“Then I think he needs to meet my friend.”
“They’d get along?”
“Maybe. My friend The Staff of Whacking.”
“I see. He seems friendly.”
“Oh yes, very personable.”
“Related to the polenta stick?”
“Great-grandson thereof. And his cousin the Ninja Board. He lives down in the Scene Shop.”
“So, I have brain-dead moments and that was… um… huh… who are you?”
“The love of your life.”
“Oh right, you.”
“The chances of us meeting are about as slim as Conor is tall…. Actually, they’re about as slim as Conor as well.”
“I’d rather watch paint dry. At least that way, my mind can wander in peace.”
“It is nice. Touching… nonsensical, but nice.”
“Genuinely touching or am I going to want to throw up all over the book?”
“If I had a pet owl, I would name it Yoyo.”
“I have a vagina, so I get priority, you bastard.”
“That comment makes her sound like an angry pregnant woman.”
“Cadet? Who are you calling cadet? Psh. I direct thousands of hoards of evil minions.”
“I’m sorry, oh great one.”
“Alright, fine. You are an angry, pregnant, garble-mouthed lady.”
“Cunt.”
“That one too.”
“I wanted to feel included.”
“I forgot that one.”
“But you have one.”
“I do. Thank you for telling me.”
“That would be fun.”
“Beating up middle ages white women in the Y? Yeah it would.”
“in the meanwhile...: step lightly, smile confidently, tread warily, move gracefully, bend softly, lift reverently, observe carefully, follow knowingly, dip thoughtfully, fall gently, hold regularly, merge willingly, swap occasionally, shift rhythmically, twist brilliantly, sway intuitively, hesitate rarely, connect beautifully, release frequently, and understand perfectly.”
“Fight for your right to cuss the shit out’a people.”
“Do the hustle… bitch!”
“Fare the well.”
“That reminds me, I need headphones. Big ones. Deaf to the world ones.”
"Shattered dreams of rock and roll stardom, pulled together and thrown into the ocean by THE Jimi Hendrix."
"Why isn't Jay dealing drugs? Why isn't he the whacked out crazy cool druggie we've come to know and love?! Why is he...!? GAH I can't even say it!’
10 July 2006
This party's dying so guitar-me! Raise a glass to the Guitarmy!
Well, it appears I am updating four days early. You can thank the Lovely Miss Annie and boredom. There are no quotes, unfortunately, because it is an interpost, but a quaint little diddy I did some months ago updated to match. Note: this list is subject to change, and probably will.
Opening Credits: “May 16” by Lagwagon
Waking Up Scene: “Hey Kid” by the Ataris
Average Day: “I’m Not Okay (I Promise)” by My Chemical Romance
Stroll Through Town: “My Own Worst Enemy” by Lit
Date: “Twilight” by Elliott Smith
Falling In Love: “Teo Torriatte,” by Queen
Being In Love: “Dance Inside,” by The All-American Rejects
Love Scene: “Bury Me Deep Inside Your Heart” by HIM
Sex Scene: “Pieces Mended” by the Used
Heartbreak Scene: “Demolition Lovers” by My Chemical Romance
Break-up Scene: “Brave New World” by Iron Maiden
Rebound Scene: “Dreamer’s Ball” by Queen; “Walk Away” by Franz Ferdinand
Learning Lesson: “The Business of Getting Down” by Ozma
Life’s Okay: “Lithium” by Nirvana
Fast/Crazy Car Driving Scene: “Take It Away” by The Used
High School Flashback Scene: “The Freshmen” by The Verve Pipe
Nostalgic Scene: “Poison Oak” by Bright Eyes
Party Scene: “Been Swank” by the Von Bondies
Chill Scene: “You Know So Well” by Sondre Lerche
Drug Scene: “Give Me Novacaine” by Green Day
Nightclub/Bar Scene: “I Bet You Look Good On The Dance Floor” by The Arctic Monkeys
Bitter, Angry Scene: “Molotov” by Dead Poetic
Regret Scene: “Macy’s Day Parade” by Green Day
Revenge Scene: “There’s A Reason These Tables Are Numbered Honey…” by Panic! At The Disco
Dreaming Scene: “Endless Rain” by X Japan
Slow Dance: “Iris” by the Goo Goo Dolls
Happy Dance: “Start The Commotion” by The Wiseguys
Long Night Alone: “Losing All Control” by Rooney
Contemplation Scene: “Thoughts of a Dying Atheist” by Muse
Sad, Breakdown Scene: “Smile, You Won” by Lydia
Goodbye: “Wish You Were Here” by Pink Floyd
Death Scene: “Dimmer Light” by Dead Poetic
Funeral Scene: “Easy/Lucky/Free” by Bright Eyes
Closing Song: “Doolin’ Dalton” by The Eagles
The title is from a Blood Brother's song; probably the best thirty-nine second song I've ever heard.
Opening Credits: “May 16” by Lagwagon
Waking Up Scene: “Hey Kid” by the Ataris
Average Day: “I’m Not Okay (I Promise)” by My Chemical Romance
Stroll Through Town: “My Own Worst Enemy” by Lit
Date: “Twilight” by Elliott Smith
Falling In Love: “Teo Torriatte,” by Queen
Being In Love: “Dance Inside,” by The All-American Rejects
Love Scene: “Bury Me Deep Inside Your Heart” by HIM
Sex Scene: “Pieces Mended” by the Used
Heartbreak Scene: “Demolition Lovers” by My Chemical Romance
Break-up Scene: “Brave New World” by Iron Maiden
Rebound Scene: “Dreamer’s Ball” by Queen; “Walk Away” by Franz Ferdinand
Learning Lesson: “The Business of Getting Down” by Ozma
Life’s Okay: “Lithium” by Nirvana
Fast/Crazy Car Driving Scene: “Take It Away” by The Used
High School Flashback Scene: “The Freshmen” by The Verve Pipe
Nostalgic Scene: “Poison Oak” by Bright Eyes
Party Scene: “Been Swank” by the Von Bondies
Chill Scene: “You Know So Well” by Sondre Lerche
Drug Scene: “Give Me Novacaine” by Green Day
Nightclub/Bar Scene: “I Bet You Look Good On The Dance Floor” by The Arctic Monkeys
Bitter, Angry Scene: “Molotov” by Dead Poetic
Regret Scene: “Macy’s Day Parade” by Green Day
Revenge Scene: “There’s A Reason These Tables Are Numbered Honey…” by Panic! At The Disco
Dreaming Scene: “Endless Rain” by X Japan
Slow Dance: “Iris” by the Goo Goo Dolls
Happy Dance: “Start The Commotion” by The Wiseguys
Long Night Alone: “Losing All Control” by Rooney
Contemplation Scene: “Thoughts of a Dying Atheist” by Muse
Sad, Breakdown Scene: “Smile, You Won” by Lydia
Goodbye: “Wish You Were Here” by Pink Floyd
Death Scene: “Dimmer Light” by Dead Poetic
Funeral Scene: “Easy/Lucky/Free” by Bright Eyes
Closing Song: “Doolin’ Dalton” by The Eagles
The title is from a Blood Brother's song; probably the best thirty-nine second song I've ever heard.
07 July 2006
Insanity is doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting a different outcome.
You lot are very lucky. I was considering not posting this evening because I left everything on the desktop at my father's house. However, because I love you more than, well, say, Dead Poetic (my latest new band love) I rang dad up and got him to send me the quotes. You lucky bastards you. Anyway, I apologise if there are fewer than the last couple posts; I need to bring pens around with me, you see. But I swear to you on my honour as a pirate that I will try harder to amuse you. And no, this oath is NOT because I saw the new Pirates movie today. I have been a pirate since I was small. Ask my mum; she'll tell you. Anywho, I'm ramble, so on with it already.
"Potatoes don't explode. That's eggs."
"Yes they— wait. Eggs explode in the microwave?"
"I liked the Jamaican voodoo witch. She sounded like Miss Cleo.'Call me now for ya' free reedin!'"
“How would you know?”
“Because I had sex with your mother.”
“…Well then!”
“I want something yumful.”
“Like pie?”
“Like pie. Or not-tasting-like-eggs cake.”
“I’m Asian, what can I do?”
“Don’t blame your nationality.”
“Dude, like, every single person taking this class is Asian. So yes I do blame my nationality. Apparently our parents want to conquer this nation too.”
“Hey Bev.”
“Yes'm?”
“Brendon Urie covered in maple syrup”
“Must resist temptation to molest”
[pushes closer]
“Animalistic urges...too strong! Curses!”
[pours syrup on his lips] “You know you wanna”
“Ugh!” *attacks brendon urie*
[laughs evilly as i shut the door] “Have fun kids”
“Curse you Ceri and your devilish ways”
[smirk] “You know you love it.”
“I’m already singing Panic! continuously. And HIM. Fake roses and eyeliner pencils are flying everywhere.”
“HIM would totally win. Finnish sex gods versus Vegas teens. Reeeeeeeeeally tough battle.”
“What can I say?”
“Nothing.”
“And so I speak little.”
“Just the way it should be. Thoughtful, wise, and mute.”
“Nope, I hear nothing.”
“Are you fucking me?”
“God, I hope not.”
“It’s not my fault my subconscious keeps a box of pure sex.”
“No, really, I’m not kidding. Everybody loves Ceri.”
“Like Everybody Loves Raymond, only way better.”
“Emo!” [pulls out stake] “Must slay emos!”
“Fact: I stand out a full half-mile away. Literally.”
“Hey, are you dead? I really hope so.”
“Hey, I’m holding up a finger. Guess which one.”
“It’s like waking up with a dead tomato in your bed. It’s a bad sign.”
“Eew! I have Iangross all over me!”
“You sure you want the burst of testosterone?”
“I do. I can’t stand all chicks all the time.”
“The estrogen is suffocating?”
“You are a dude.”
“Psh, yeah I am. Explains why I’m single.”
“Then you are a gay dude, because you want to bang Brendon Urie… and Ryan Ross.”
“Hell yes I do.”
[whacks you over the head with a penguin] “Better?”
“Thanks, I needed that.”
“Any time.”
“So, does insomnia work like narcolepsy? You just kind of conk out randomly?”
“But potatoes are what we eat!”
“I meant a potato rabbit!”
“If you feed a cow only cherries its whole life, it’s not going to taste like slurpee.”
“Hmm. This apple pie tastes like mesquite.”
“Me likes big bowls.”
“He’s a couch linguini!”
~And really bad eggs... drink up me hearties yo ho! Yo Ho! Yo Ho! A pirate's life for me!~
Ahem. Sorry. Jack Sparrow's a flipping saav, and that is all I have to say about that.
"Potatoes don't explode. That's eggs."
"Yes they— wait. Eggs explode in the microwave?"
"I liked the Jamaican voodoo witch. She sounded like Miss Cleo.'Call me now for ya' free reedin!'"
“How would you know?”
“Because I had sex with your mother.”
“…Well then!”
“I want something yumful.”
“Like pie?”
“Like pie. Or not-tasting-like-eggs cake.”
“I’m Asian, what can I do?”
“Don’t blame your nationality.”
“Dude, like, every single person taking this class is Asian. So yes I do blame my nationality. Apparently our parents want to conquer this nation too.”
“Hey Bev.”
“Yes'm?”
“Brendon Urie covered in maple syrup”
“Must resist temptation to molest”
[pushes closer]
“Animalistic urges...too strong! Curses!”
[pours syrup on his lips] “You know you wanna”
“Ugh!” *attacks brendon urie*
[laughs evilly as i shut the door] “Have fun kids”
“Curse you Ceri and your devilish ways”
[smirk] “You know you love it.”
“I’m already singing Panic! continuously. And HIM. Fake roses and eyeliner pencils are flying everywhere.”
“HIM would totally win. Finnish sex gods versus Vegas teens. Reeeeeeeeeally tough battle.”
“What can I say?”
“Nothing.”
“And so I speak little.”
“Just the way it should be. Thoughtful, wise, and mute.”
“Nope, I hear nothing.”
“Are you fucking me?”
“God, I hope not.”
“It’s not my fault my subconscious keeps a box of pure sex.”
“No, really, I’m not kidding. Everybody loves Ceri.”
“Like Everybody Loves Raymond, only way better.”
“Emo!” [pulls out stake] “Must slay emos!”
“Fact: I stand out a full half-mile away. Literally.”
“Hey, are you dead? I really hope so.”
“Hey, I’m holding up a finger. Guess which one.”
“It’s like waking up with a dead tomato in your bed. It’s a bad sign.”
“Eew! I have Iangross all over me!”
“You sure you want the burst of testosterone?”
“I do. I can’t stand all chicks all the time.”
“The estrogen is suffocating?”
“You are a dude.”
“Psh, yeah I am. Explains why I’m single.”
“Then you are a gay dude, because you want to bang Brendon Urie… and Ryan Ross.”
“Hell yes I do.”
[whacks you over the head with a penguin] “Better?”
“Thanks, I needed that.”
“Any time.”
“So, does insomnia work like narcolepsy? You just kind of conk out randomly?”
“But potatoes are what we eat!”
“I meant a potato rabbit!”
“If you feed a cow only cherries its whole life, it’s not going to taste like slurpee.”
“Hmm. This apple pie tastes like mesquite.”
“Me likes big bowls.”
“He’s a couch linguini!”
~And really bad eggs... drink up me hearties yo ho! Yo Ho! Yo Ho! A pirate's life for me!~
Ahem. Sorry. Jack Sparrow's a flipping saav, and that is all I have to say about that.
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