Take me to where the white boys dance.

Happy Friday the 13th, loves. This one’s dedicated to Annie Radsliff, because she’s just a cool, cool kid. And because I promised her a dedication. So here you are, sweetheart. Just for you. There is no such thing as bad luck, so Ryan’s boxers are rendered useless.

And guess who got the last Lemony Snicket for absolutely free. Yeah, I’m a nerd, deal with it.

Title Source: “Where The White Boys Dance” by The Killers. The theme song of practically every guy I know, especially in the Ace Gang.


“Wait. Is she implying that I’m fucking Scott?”

[whimper] “Am I in the Ace Gang?”

“That is not a bald answer. I want a bald answer!”

“Y’know, I meant to ask earlier and just remembered. Why Detroit?”
“The eternal question.”

“Funny thing is, those were Scott’s glasses and I kept losing track of where we were in the skit because my vision was all fuzzy around the edges.”

“Pat… it’s time for you to die!!!”

“Yes… because he can legally buy cigarettes and porn.”
“That within itself is a party.”

“Methinks I should relocate to my room before passing out.”
“And thus continuing the story Bungalow Bill.”

“Okay, be a spazmonkey. More entertaining for me.”

“I just realized because someone mentioned it, but for the longest time I have completely forgotten about the existence of Belgium.”

“I could not write anymore.”
“Hey hey hey! Let’s not make any drastic choices that we may regret. Because Annie may punch someone.” [cough]
“Or eat their brain out with a spoon.”

“PERFUME ADS ARE NOT EQUIVALENT TO DRUGS!”

“Don’t worry. We can team up on someone else. Like… Matt. Matt deserves to be Oreo’d.”

“Suck peoples’ souls out through their coffins.” [Swear it wasn’t me.]

“This ceiling is made of cardboard and peanut butter.”

“Boys should be like tomigatchi's: if they suck, you can reset them.”
“Or leave them in a drawer until they shut the hell up.”

“Good idea, lure people with ponies. Well, mimes aren’t really people.”

“Mirrors should die. Hard.”

“You dad is the shit. End of story.”

“My face, in general, is AMAZING.”

“Sh! North Dakota doesn’t exist.”

“Curiously strong!”
“I’m not that curious.”

“I do not enjoy my butt to be wet. It is not pleasurable.”

“What colour would you like, sir?”
“Dirty black with holes.”

“Ah yes, Math Super 5000. I almost got into that class.”

“You put your faith in Jesus, but not physics?”
“Yes, Jesus will save me from physics.”

“Quote this, quote lady!” So I did.

“Dude, feel how cold I am. I think I’m dead.”

“On a different and light note… Ian keeps skewering and frying my rollie pollies of doom.”

“Eh, insects aren’t animals.”
“You are right scientifically, but morally? Insects are people too you know.”

“As shown last night, Bev cannot tell what an ear is.”

“Christian music equals no.”